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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To drop H in it?

36 replies

BabyRonnie · 12/05/2023 07:29

I'm a SAHM to 2 under 3. H is a pathetic arsehole who I'm having trouble even looking at recently because of how he is, I can't stand the sight of him. To top it off, he clearly takes for granted how much I do during the day and how stressful it is caring for 2 very young DC alone for more than an hour.

I get up with them at 5.30am every day as he 'doesn't hear them' (BULLSHIT)! Today I've woken him to get up with them at 6.50am as they slept a bit later than usual and he's gone straight into his office to set up his computer for work despite the fact he doesn't start until 9am.

I'm really tempted to get up, get dressed, jump in the car and fuck off for the day leaving him to deal with everything. There's noone he could call to help so he'd have no choice but to just get on with it!

AIBU? (I know I am but at this point, I'd enjoy a cappuchino in peace knowing that he's stressed out at home)! Petty party for one 🥳

OP posts:

WandaWonder · 12/05/2023 10:33

If this is real and not some weird reverse,saga,taken taken from a soap then yes the point of being a SAHP is to look after the children that you chose to have with him

If you didn't have twins why have 2 if he was that hopeless, and I know people are sick of that question then maybe it wouldn't need to be asked so often

TeaKitten · 12/05/2023 10:34

CovertImage · 12/05/2023 10:32

Looking after the kids is your job

I think OP is a bit U but this is utter BS. Looking after the kids isn't her job 24/7. When he's not t work they should be sharing it

It’s not bullshit at all if you read the OP, she’s a SAHM, is he AT WORK right now, so yes during working hours, it is her job, that’s why she doesn’t have another job. She’s proposing dumping them on him today while he’s working.

AppleandSpice · 12/05/2023 10:37

No you can’t whilst he’s working that would be a shitty thing to do.
if your marriage isn’t working you both need to try and sort this out or end it.

Gettingbysomehow · 12/05/2023 10:39

My first husband was the same. He was absolutely useless. Never changed a nappy. Decided to work away in another country for the first 6 months of DS life as he "couldn't cope" (with doing fuck all).
I divorced him - I had zero respect for him and would rather just live on UC than look at his stupid face.
I did go back to work and did very well without him.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 12/05/2023 10:41

I was a SAHM. I did the childcare, DH worked. From when the DC were 18 months until they were 6 years old, DH worked away 5 - 6 days a week so I was pretty much 'on' all the time. Once they started school I had the days to myself but then did the afterschool activities, the homework, cooking dinner, bedtimes. DH could come home and crash, but we had around the same amount of free time.

I think that is what you should be aiming for, the same amount of free time.

I found that I handled the early years stuff better than DH would have done. I went to all the PTA meetings, concerts, Googled how to do calculus problems, helped with science fair projects, but DH is much, much better than me with the 'adult' stuff like helping them apply to UK universities from abroad, career and financial planning. It evened out in the end. We are a team, but the team members have jobs at different times.

Original poster

BabyRonnie · 12/05/2023 10:42

Thanks for the responses!

I've calmed down now and, as I knew it would be unreasonable, I didn't leave him in the lurch. There is a lot of context missing from my OP but it's not really relevant to my question. Plus, it seems that where info is unknown, people just make it up and reply according their own natrative.

I completely disagree with the views of some posters but it wouldn't do if we were all the same. Appreciate the responses regardless.

OP posts:

BreviloquentBastard · 12/05/2023 10:44

So why are you staying with this man and continuing to raise your children in such a hateful and unhealthy environment?

Original poster

BabyRonnie · 12/05/2023 10:44

Narrative

OP posts:

GoodChat · 12/05/2023 10:46

Get a job and make a plan to leave

orangegato · 12/05/2023 10:47

Your chosen arrangement clearly isn’t working. If you don’t want to be the one stuck with the kids all day, get a job and pay for childcare. Maybe he could do more, but maybe he expects you to pick up the slack due to not working.

There’s one solution to this problem, dust off your CV. Or maybe leave but even then you’d need a job…

Natty13 · 12/05/2023 11:29

Do it tomorrow.

You have to do something to be honest. You can't continue like this, it won't magically get better on its own and your husband won't start stepping up to parent his own kids unless he is made to. It's unfortunate but a fact of life with men like this.

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