To keep her this weekend?

[moominmummie]

DD has gone to her dad 3 weekends in a row, it's a 1.5 hour round trip for me as he doesn't drive. He told me last week he was going to be away working this weekend and for the next few weekends.

I planned to go swimming, McDonald's etc with DD. Tonight he reveals he hasn't gone away to work and started making plans with her about tomorrow night over FaceTime. I said I thought she was with me this weekend, he said he's not going until Monday, but he said the exact same thing last weekend and that it was important she stayed as he wouldn't see her.

She even said to him she wants to spend the weekend with me, completely off her own accord. He thinks I've swayed her decision (obviously) and is pissed off with me. He's livid I'm taking her swimming & says I get to see her all the time.

It's not like I'm stopping him from seeing her, I always drop her off and pick her up on a Sunday. Am I being unreasonable to stick to my guns and have her with me this weekend?

At the very least reduce contact to every other weekend and he has to travel halfway to meet her. He can use public transport.

Really appreciate the comments & support everyone xx

You’ve been more than accommodating to do all the driving op; stop doing that. If he wants to see her then he can get a bus or a train or a cab. Get a formal arrangement in place as well - only communicate about your dd

I use the app so don't think I can see messages on here. It sounds to me like you need to go to court and ask for a formal arrangement. This shouldn't be too difficult. I also suspect you could use a call with women's aid to unpick what happened when you were together as I get the impression you are tiptoeing around him. This isn't normal but is completely understandable if you have had negative or abusive experiences with him.

www.theduluthmodel.org/wheels/understanding-power-control-wheel/ this is worth looking at beforehand. I am quite sure you will recognise a lot of his behaviours. I can tell from your posts.

You're doing a great job OP. You're not doing anything 'wrong' by bowing to his demands, you are simply trying to protect yourself from harrasment and consequences. You will need support in building your assertiveness and ensuring you are safe in doing so.

Stop answering his facetimes. Tell him communication by text only in future. You don't need to dance around him. Court order could be beneficial x

To pinch a quote there are three of you in this relationship. Your daughter has already said she wants a weekend with you, and her needs and desires should also be accepted and considered. Sometimes kids just need to chill out with their stuff, see their friends, or not, go swimming, or not, lie on their beds or ride their bike in the park,or not, in other words be given choice and autonomy in what they do , and not be driven for hours to be somewhere they don’t want to be that day.

Absolutely taking the piss. I can't drive but still take DD halfway and pick her up on public transport

He doesn’t have to control you. Stop letting him.-
no more face times