To cook or pay for his own takeaway

[Wibblywobblyway]

This is a hypothetical question , was just wondering what the great people of mumsnet think. Daughter and son live at home with me, they are both in their twenties and pay board of £200 per month. I do shopping, cooking, cleaning and laundry. Between them they wash up, clean cat litter tray, feed two cats and let dog in garden for bedtime wee.
This is the question, if me and my daughter go out to eat, but my son doesn’t want to go, should he cook his own food/pay for a takeaway. Or should I bring him something back/pay for his takeaway. Just to be clear I would normally pay for his food, my reasoning is I pay for daughters food at restaurant.
This is just lighthearted, there is no discord.
YANBU-he should cater for himself
YABU- I should bring or pay for food

Eating together in company is different to a free meal. If he cbf to be social he can sort himself out! Good practice for the future anyway.

I think he should just cook something for himself from the fridge / cupboard. I don't think you should pay for a takeaway - presumably you invited both of them out for dinner as a nice family social occasion? So if he doesn't want to come, he doesn't get a takeaway on his own as that's quite a different thing.

I think it depends on the reason your son didn't go out to eat with you in this hypothetical situation. He didn't want to? Then let him take care of himself. He had different plans? Ditto. However, if he was working or something similar so couldn't join you, or you wanted an evening with just your daughter, then I think you should provide for him in some way too, given your current set up.

He can cater for himself.

I would expect him to make his own meal from the food that was already in the house. He presumably had the choice of coming out to dine with you, but chose not to. I wouldn't be buying a takeaway for him.

I agree with this. If he doesn't want to come that's on him. If he cant you should treat them equally.

They're in their twenties!

I think there's a transitional thing when you have adults living at home.

16yonid probably still cater for (with an expectation that he contributes labour somewhere). 20 yo fends for himself.

In both cases, in your example, there be food in the fridge/freezer so I have "paid for" his food if they want it, but they'd likely get a takeaway, which they'd pay for.

Do you take them both out for food an equal amount? I don't think it's unreasonable for him to cook his own food. If he doesn't want to go out for food with you then he can sort his own, cooking or takeaway. If you never take him out and take your daughter out regularly then it'd be nice for you to get him something I'd say.

If he doesn’t want to take up the offer of eating out then he caters for himself .

They’re in their twenties. They shouldn’t need tit for tat. You should be able to do something with one of them one day, without having to buy something for the other. So long as you occasionally invite your son out too and he isn’t excluded.

You think OP should have to go home in the evening and cook for a grown man in his 20s because he was working when OP went out to eat?

Your son sounds cringeworthy if he does really expect you to bring food home or pay for him to get a takeaway when you eat out without him.

At some point adults need to be responsible for feeding themselves without relying on mum. I’m 24 and have independently sorted my own meals out for years.

I think it’s entitled to go out to dinner with someone and just expect them to cover your bill, let alone staying at home whilst they’re out and still expecting them to give you money for your dinner or being you food. It’s a nice gesture but it shouldn’t be expected

What!!!! He’s in his twenties. If he can’t go out for a meal because he’s working, then he should be more than capable of understanding that and making his own food when he gets home. Jesus!!! 😂

I left home at 18 and made much nice meals than I ever had at home. Infantilising adults does absolutely nothing to help them.

If we go out to the nice Indian restaurant in town with dsd we usually bring back food for dd (who never wants to come) but it's leftovers ditto the Italian pizza place.

Anywhere else, if you can't be bothered to come you get nothing. There's always food in the fridge and freezer

As someone who had to take my turn to cook for the whole family from the age of 12, excuse me if I think you are babying him a bit too much

They're both in their twenties and never cook?!
Do you not think it might be a good idea for them to learn this essential life skill before they get much older?!
What do you imagine they'll do when they're older? If they move in with a partner? Do you really want your son to be the kind of man who refuses to cook for his significant other?
And while we're at it, is there a reason why they're not doing their own laundry and a lot more household chores/ cleaning?

You do their laundry and cook their every meal?! I've heard it all now.

Expecting a grown man to cook his own meal instead of having a woman cater for him?!!! 😱

I’m calling the police.

This question was more “what would you do” than “ tell me everything I’m doing wrong”. Some of these responses are interesting and some quite funny, some plain judgemental. How we balance chores in our household, is our business. I don’t work and was a stay at home mum, so I’m doing what I’ve always done. I enjoy providing meals, not so keen on washing up. I consider being a mother to adult children a privilege. Some people don’t get that privilege. My mother died before I was eighteen, I became “mother” to my siblings.
Also, I had a serious injury five years ago and am lucky to be alive, so I will spend my second chance enjoying (and sometimes spoiling) my family, because I can. They appreciate what I do and will pick up the slack, when my injury plays up. With regard to them being unable to look after themselves, when they leave home, I don’t foresee that as a problem. My eldest son was treated the same way, and he is the main cook between him and his girlfriend in his house plus they share the cleaning.

If he doesn't go to the meal then he has to sort himself out. Unless he's unwell in bed then I would probably bring him something back/get a takeaway for him

If I took my DD out for dinner, DS would want to come so we would try to all go together. If we went out without him because he couldn’t come/was ill/working and we couldn’t rearrange for some reason, I’d probably try and bring him back something. If he just didn’t want to come/was busy-he can sort himself out from the available food at home.