Do some people just not get how they treat other people?

[IsThereAnEchoInHere]

Or more as in, not realize that maybe this person isin’t your ”audience” right now.

So I have an old friend, sometimes we’re closer, sometimes we drift apart.
And at very different stages in life, she got it all : the husband, the kids, money and beautiful house.
I got MH issues and forever alone and low paying job.
Now before anyone wants to come and say I’m jealous, no need. I admit it right here.

But to the problem: she’s always complaining.
Always, petty stuff too (IMO).
How’s she’s tired, how awful it is being pregnant again and having a toddler, too many get-togethers with fancy people, husbands hobbies are too amazing.
And I just…..
You know, what I’m supposed to say or do.
Sorry your life is too amazing.
Reason why I’m posting this is that few days ago she invited me for lunch, that turned out to be me just baby sitting for her kid for free, while she used me as a free therapist to off load on her life. How tired she is to be pregnant again etc.

But she knows my life, surely she has to realize that I can’t possible be an understanding person? I don’t mean to make it as it’s a competition, I don’t know how else to say it, but is it even right to complain so much to a person who is so much worse off?
And then having to go home alone, feeling miserable.

This isin’t an actual friendship is it?
Am I somekind of idiot who just let’s herself be used?

I have what I call a Fred test. I had a dear friend (call him Fred] who had serious rapidly evolving MS and had both legs amputated. If I had a problem I asked myself if it was serious enough to offload to Fred or if it seemed so trivial by comparison with his that it would be selfish and tone deaf to talk to him about it.

it helps me get my problems into perspective. PS He has now tragically died

"Read the room" - a common phrase and something that your friend is NOT doing. She doesn't give a damn how you feel or what you are going through. Even a modicum of thought would tell her that you're not the appropriate person to whinge about those subjects to.

Don't bother with her, feel no guilt at letting the friendship go, she hasn't got the least bit of guilt that her behaviour has made you feel awful.

Just stop being friends then, it's clear you aren't right for each other

It does sound like a very one sided friendship@IsThereAnEchoInHere Has it always been that way?

Don't bother with her anymore!

She sounds a bit self obsessed OP, not to mention rude! It's interesting that she doesn't feel that unloading to you is inappropriate. I would wonder about your view of her life being so much better than yours. She obviously doesn't think so, in fact maybe she feels you are on the same level hence the moaning. Were there times when you were the one doing much better in life and she hadn't moved on from that? Are you better looking, from a happier home life? Sometimes people see things very differently

As someone who hasn't got it "all" as such but has a pretty wonderful life with partner and kids and nice friends and family, I would be very very sensitive when around friends who may feel lonely or wish they had what I have. I am aware I am very lucky. We should always be aware of our privilege, whatever it may be. If I'm with a friend who has lost her mum or dad, I'd never complain about mine. If I'm with an involuntarily childless friend, I'd never ever complain about my kids.

To answer your question, YANBU.

Hi I've been in your boat many a time. There is nothing worse than the lonely feeling of someone with a seemingly perfect life not sharing the bad bits because they think it might make you feel bad. It would make her a snob and patronising. She is honest with you and probably appreciates that she can offload show her true self rather than superficial sheen of an appearance she may have to put with other people. It sounds to me you would like to be part of her more positive parts of her life. Why not suggest if she has a party , friends get together if you could come along. Is there anyone she knows , for volunteering opportunities for work etc.. in the best possible way 'Use' her for what would make your life a bit better.

You just aren’t in the same place anymore op, as someone said you’re expecting the opposite from her s as I’d if you had your way you’d be telling her your woes, that wouldn’t be using her either, when you have crap going on you go to someone. You don’t see her crap as crap because you’re in different places. Just let it drift. It isn’t a friendship from either side. And sit down and think what you can do to make your own life easier.