Friends being off before we go away. She said I'm bossy!

[Nerdybum]

AIBU to think my friends are being off with me? We're going away for two nights together next week and I'm starting to feel uncomfortable about it.

There's five of us in total, varying ages but not a huge age difference.

Met at uni.

One of them I've always been more close to than the others. But we all tend to get along as a group, don't tend to meet separately and if we do it's because we've all been invited but some can't make it, etc. All good.

Recently I've been a bit MIA due to personal issues and MH. I have talked about this in the group chat so friends are aware.

The friend (A) I'm closest to seems a bit off with my lately, and to a smaller extent so do two of the others.

I do recall A once calling me bossy so I wonder if it's something to do with this? This was ages ago though. Perhaps she's spent more time with the others while I've been MIA and realised she's not that keen on me afterall.

I keep finding out things that she's told others but not told me. Tried messaging her about random stuff and get one word replies.

I sometimes feel a bit ignored in the group chat.

Wondering if three of them have all decided I'm bossy and overbearing and don't like me much anymore.

Other friend in the group is normal with me. No problems. Though she has always been the most distant of the group.

Other thing is that friend A suffers with her own MH and has bouts of severe depression. So wondering if she's just going through a tough time herself? But she hasn't spoken to me about it whereas previously she would have. I don't know. She just seems distant toward me and far closer to the other two now.

Various events coming up soon, events that they all went to last year (annual things) and I didn't go last year. Asked if anyone is coming this year all said no besides the one who is still being normal. Just seems strange as they all went last year and the Events are annual so its something you'd go to every year.

AiBu?

I think this is impossible for us to know. Just ask them is everything OK?

We can’t answer this because we don’t have any of your friends’ perspectives.

ARE you bossy?

If you've been mia I don't know why you expect to know things. Presumably they've continued to chat and hang out without you.

Could be the dynamic has shifted if you've been MIA. Maybe the holiday will be a good chance to reconnect.

In the kindest way, could your MH be playing tricks on you? On the face of it there doesn't seem to be any weird behaviour from their end beyond maybe they're just busy etc- but I understand what it's like to feel anxious and assume people are being off with you.

The fact of the matter is people have their own lives and aren't thinking about you all the time- that sounds harsh, but I just mean that if they're sending you a one word answer yes it could be because they've decided they hate you, or it could be because they have something going on and are too busy for a long reply.

The annual events thing I am not sure i get- I've been to plenty of things that run annually and not been every single year forevermore.

Unless there is a huge drip feed coming I don't think you need to worry. And if they are off with you then its up to them to tell you that! Until they do, I would try and not tie myself up in knots trying to second guess their behaviour.

Eh?
You've been MIA because of MH. But you haven't shared any of your problems with any of them.
"But she hasn't spoken to me about it whereas previously she would have. "
Then you berate her for not having shared her MH problems with you.

I voted that you were being unreasonable, because you're second guessing and until you straight out ask them you won't know why they're being off with with you, if indeed they are and it's not something else that's affected them.

I think you're over thinking. They aren't ignoring you they are answering you but maybe they are busy

Go away with them and rekindle it. Have lots of laughs take lots of wine and enjoy yourselves

Just seems strange as they all went last year and the Events are annual so its something you'd go to every year

You don't go every year. You didn't go last year.

You say you have been MIA , so you've been distant from them and then wonder why they are now distant from you.....has it not occurred to you that those two things could be directly connected?

You've not shared your problems with them, you can't be angry they are now being the same. Swings and roundabouts.

I think go away with them. You'll either find that you were overthinking (hopefully) and have a brilliant time reconnecting with old friends or you are going to confirm your suspicions, but at least you will have clarity and be able to walk away. Try to keep an open mind and go with the intention of having fun, but with a Plan B in case things go wrong. If you feel you can be a little bossy then keep it in check (as I have to).

You said you’ve been MIA…. So could they have been discussing things without you because, well you’ve been MIA?

Sounds like you all have your own stiff going on and you’ve probably both hurt each other’s feelings. Have a talk, extend an olive branch. We can’t expect to sympathise with our mh problems if we don’t sympathise with theirs

Exactly.

It may be that you're having mental health issues and they don't know how to talk to you.

One of my friends is having a very hard time at the moment, and there's "something off" when we talk. She's different, and I'm being too careful, trying to not put my foot in it or say something that won't help.

This is all despite the fact that when I was having a rough time of it about 5 years ago, all I wanted was for people to treat me normally and not like I was easily breakable.

There's still a stigma around MH, and people will treat you differently, even when they're aware they're doing it and desperately trying not to.