To not move young family abroad

[Miriam101]

For a long time when I was younger I lived and worked abroad and loved it. Have never managed to find work I love as much as the work I did then, although my job here is perfectly ok. It just doesn't make my heart sing. Opportunities keep coming up in various countries that are similar to those I had then- but I keep saying no because although I know it would bring me great professional fulfilment I can't stand the idea of uprooting my family.

But I guess my AIBU is: am I being overly sentimental about this? We have primary school-aged children and I hate the idea of them saying goodbye to all their pals, taking them both out of the lovely community and neighbourhood we've tried so hard to connect with, and- big one- taking them even further away from their elderly grandparents (one of whom is on their own; none have any other family. They would be gutted.) The countries we'd be going to would involve a different language and culture and, importantly I feel, there'd be no obvious cut-off to the job: people go and do these sorts of roles for years on end. There's not always an easy route back.

It just feels like I'd be moving everyone simply for my professional ambitions, which doesn't seem fair, although DH is totally on board and could work from anywhere. I worry I will regret not doing it when I'm older- but I'm not sure I can put us all through it now. Any words of wisdom?

YABU- you are massively overthinking the negatives of what could be an amazing experience for you all
YANBU- sounds like the right decision for your family

I’d go, but I’m probably biased because I’ve always wanted to live abroad

In your shoes I would go for it. You can work abroad while the children are little but it will all change when they hit secondary school. What a life experience it could be for you all!

Another one for being biased here, I would go, simply because it's most people's dream, including myself!
Nothing here in the UK, it's getting cramped & the roads are horrific.
New opportunities await...what an exciting adventure!

I'd go too. You'll always wonder what if, if you don't.

We did it with a 10 year old. We weren't working when we got there or a decade later when we returned. He adapted well, picked up the language quickly and became fluent. Now uses that language every day in his job. Most people thought we were mad and that it would adversely affect our child. I'd say they were totally wrong, it worked really well and gave us all a wonderful experience. The grandparent thing is tricky. We lived very close to both sets and DS was particularly close to my dad but at 10 he was becoming more interested in spending time with friends anyway. As it turned out my dad came to live with us when my mum died, it gave him the opportunity to fulfill his dream of living abroad and spend time with DS again.

I think when children are young they adapt very easily. Learning a 2nd language is easier when they are small.

Tbh I put off moving within my own Country when my kids were small because I thought they'd hate me for making them leave their friends, during all their childhood they've had many different friends, the friends changed yearly. I thought I had the best neighbours but as the years went by they moved or died and I have awful, awful neighbours now, who I would love to get away from. I thought my parents would live forever but sadly that's not true.

The one thing I am absolutely certain about and feel quite strongly about is happiness in the work place. A job is such a huge part in a persons life that it is important that it makes you happy and you enjoy it and it brings in enough money to cover bills, food etc with something over to pay towards a social life.

Sometimes we need to put aside our fears and take the other path.

I can't vote because I think there's such strong positives and negatives so it's just one of those things you probably have to follow your gut on.

We live abroad and would I recommend it - yes absolutely. Just a brilliant thing to do and so, so glad we've had the chance to do it. Great for the kids (primary is a good time to move) and great for us in terms of financial opportunity, lifestyle and experience.

But it is hard being away from the grandparents and other family. That's really the worst thing and the people I know who are happiest here tend to have regular trips home to stay with family who can put them up, plus their parents/siblings come to visit them here, so all in all there are multiple contacts a year. We have only had five visits in ten years here and three of those are the same person 3x! And nobody can put us up when we visit home so accommodation gets expensive, meaning we can't even really afford to go yearly. I find this really difficult, and missing these years is my biggest regret. It also makes it hard to do things like go on holidays because any funds we could use for that is all tied up in trips to visit family. Which I wouldn't mind treating as a holiday, but DH finds it stressful and not really relaxing.

Yabu

Give your children a varied childhood, those pals, that neighbourhood etc is unlikely to be with them for the rest of their childhood. The flip side is my DD's have friends all over the world then met whilst exh worked in different places!

I am the child of a retired Naval officer. Before I went to boarding school at 11 I had been to 7 schools and lived in 3 countries. I found it most strange that some of the people I met at senior school had only been to a single primary school! I loved living overseas and meeting new people, experiencing different cultures and food. Although I've been in the UK since the age of 11 I have continued to travel with my husband and children. Go for it - you can always move back in yhe future....

I'd say go. My kids have lived in 4 different countries growing up and they loved moving and meeting new people. They are very much citizens of the world now that they have grown up and nothing about breaking away and moving away feels intimidating to them.

Not having geographical roots hasn't affected them in any way as it seems to be me who are their root system, regardless of where I live. If it feels better, keep your house (if you own) and rent it out for a couple of years so that you always have an easy option of returning if you want to.