Advantages of having few/no friends?

[Breakfastbaguette]

I don't have many close friends or social events and wondering if anybody else prefers things this way?
I get so down about it frequently and depressed. I work most evenings until 10pm including weekends so it can be tough to attend clubs and groups, hence I'm looking for a new job.

The only current advantage I can think of is that you avoid toxicity from other people which can occur in some friendships. Not sure what else there is though.

When I was 25 I had a number of friends but looking back many were toxic in some way. Even the ones I have now aren't perfect but I only see them every couple of months.

You don’t have to compromise and can do exactly what you want to do at the time you want to do it!

That is true!
Also not pressured into spending a fortune on things.

It takes time and energy to maintain friendships, often at inconvenient times.

Risk of straying into unpaid councellor/ home help territory if your boundaries aren't great.

Mutual trust is also needed for close friends, and I find my bar for trust gets progressively higher with experience.

Yes you're absolutely right. I remember one friend would send paragraph upon paragraph about a taken guy she liked. She'd expect very fast responses at all times even if I was on holiday or whatever.

You can be your true authentic self? Sometimes people fall into playing a role, or sort of regress as a person when they are with certain friends. I have friends from my teenage years who I see once or twice a year and when we get together we totally regress to being the slightly bitchy & competitive people we were at age 16. It’s probably why we don’t meet up much!

No risk of getting hurt
No pressure to go out and do things you're not actually that interested in
No pressure to spend money
Nobody to offend when you want to stay home in your pants and eat crisps instead

Time is limited. In my experience, people with fewer friends tend to have deeper, more reliable relationships with a high degree of trust because they invest more in a few friendships. Those with more friends tend to have a handful of "closer" friends and a lot more superficial friendships of convenience.

It's like plants really. If you want to have a hundred plants growing in a green house, you will only be able to give them brief and standardised attention and watering. They will have limited space in their necessarily smaller pots. If you have three plants, you can really take time with each of them, attune to their specific needs, repot them into larger and larger pots and end up with three fabulous plants in the fullness of time.

Other advantanges - fewer weddings, birthdays and the costs that go with them.
Fewer 'fallings out' and angsting because Group 1 have excluded you from the mother's meeting down the dogs or Group 2 are going to Paris for weekend and didn't ask you.

Fewer weddings is a massive plus In my book - going through the stress and expense of what to wear, travel, accommodation, wedding presents is something I'll only happily go through for close friends or family members.

I only have 2 close friends and a small handful of acquaintance type friends so I feel fairly safe 😂

Oh the unpaid counsellor resonates with me. My boundaries were smashed down by a covert narcissist who could only talk about themselves and expected me to be interested and to give the right answers or a rage ensued. I’m happy having hardly any friends. I’m too old for meaningless interactions and pointless conversations. I’ve done all that for years. No more. I now please myself and if I say no it’s a definite no. All I want us to be left alone

*is

Glad to hear there are a few people in a similar boat, and I already feel a lot better for hearing these answers.

I honestly don’t think there are any benefits to having no friends. Obviously for some people they prefer a smaller number or closer friends so that’s a benefit to them but there are no benefits to none at all.

I have my old friend, my pub friend and my life with children friend. I see them occasionally throughout the year but not often. Pre children I did have the 'large group of friends' but once I had kids and they didn't priorities change.

I don't mind having a smaller group of friends, I like the plant analogy from a pp.

I am on the school run daily so have a natter with other mums also which is nice (makes me feel more sane) and we usually arrange a meal out once or twice a year.

Nice and simple.

I really like having a very small number of friends. I find it hard to maintain friendships, it requires a lot of effort and falseness (seems to me anyway) so it’s much easier to keep up chat/meets with a small amount of people. I like low maintenance people also, who don’t expect constant chat via messages.

Pros of this are I have more time to chill, read, play games etc. We have our small group of friends over once per week for a group game we all play, that is enough socialising for me!

I'm focused on my family now so don't have any friends I'm in regular contact with. I'm happy with the situation, it's my choice.
Advantages are: can spend every evening and weekend with DH and DCs and not have to try to juggle social events with my family, no cost or inconvenience of attending weddings or big birthdays, no being interrupted by phone calls from people wanting to chat or offload, no judgement from visitors about my appearance lifestyle or home, no gossip, no social politics - dealing with friends or couples falling out etc, no questioning about my choices eg DC's education, no nosiness about our finances, no sense of obligation to help out. I'm very much independent and I spend my time and money doing the things I want with the people I want.

Time! I have no idea how people fit in all the texting, calling, meeting up etc. And waiting for people - I love just being able to slope off without saying goodbye to loads of people.
Money - I find it if go for a group meal I spend a lot more than I would do with DH. And going out for drinks is £££.
Can ease off on the house cleaning and maintenance if no one’s coming round.
Lots of fussing about and arranging of social events that are just ok, nothing special.
Not having to buy presents and worrying that they don’t like them etc.
I would like to have more local friends, but all of the above reasons puts me off. Covid has turned me into a miserable bastard!

It’s peaceful!!

Love it 👍

No pressure to spend money.
No pressure to do things/go places someone else chooses.
Not having to buy birthday gifts.
Not have to question your choices although not sure if this is good.
Not feeling competitive/not good enough.
Fewer comparisons made with your lifestyle v others.
Not mulling over what you could have said to offend someone if they blow hot and cold.
Not feeling used/betrayed/as a sounding board.
Not finding out you’re in a different friend ‘category’.

But the above said I would like some more close friends/social life as I think I’m a more aware person - of things/events/knowledgeable about everything from bargain holidays to politics and just having something to chat about!

I have a dh and dc but no other friends or family. Trying to make more me time. Jigsaws are unexplainably calming. Tried golf but oh my days so stressful!
Baths /pamper time is fab.

Don't mind at all going to a cafe or food place alone either! Not had a single friend for over 7 years now!

Yes, indeed!

I can't say I have any friends at all really. Lots of "acquaintances" such as neighbours, people I know through a couple of hobbies and voluntary work, ex-work colleagues, even ex-school friends, who I'd stop and pass the time of day with for five minutes, if I met them on the street. But certainly no one at all that I'd go out socialising with, or to hobby/events with, or to phone/text/email for chit-chat.

I can't say it bothers me. What you've never had, you don't miss. For the past 36 years, it's been basically me and OH (he is the same as me). We also have very small family, none local, just us and our son really.

From what we've heard from talking to acquaintances and family, they seem to have nothing but drama with close friends, so many seem to be "needy", a few "friendships" have ended up with broken relationships with the "friend" having affairs with the husbands, etc. They all seem so over-invested in eachother's lives.

Both OH and I seem to prefer our "boundaries" when it comes to other people. We both also put up barriers, as we hate it when different aspects of our lives overlap, i.e. we don't like it at all when, say, an ex work colleague "crosses the boundary" and joins one of our hobby or voluntary activities - we prefer to compartmentalise our lives and our acquaintances.

That makes it sound like we hate people, but we really don't! We like a chit chat, but that's as far as it goes.

New friends appear when you least expect it. Having time by yourself means you have time to do what’s best for you. And that may turn out to be a foundation for friendships later in life. If you were busy with friends all the time you would have no time to do you things.

I've got two people I class as friends both of many years standing . One is just an old childhood friend I keep in touch with really. I have one casual friend from college years ago that I meet up with occasionally for coffee and to chew over old times . and people I randomly text that I've known from working with / school (Facebook)

As you get older family becomes your main focus .

I have 2 close friends who I love like sisters.

Then other friends eg partners wives & girlfriends; I really enjoy their company and we all have fun but it’s more “as and when” eg parties, weddings etc. We always come away from their events a bit mentally drained not going to lie but nothing that would stop me being friends with them. But they always seem to have some kind of drama in their lives and you get sucked in.

I find with my 2 close friends I can be exactly myself, don’t need to get dressed up or do anything OTT and they bring me back to being a care free uni student living her best life.