Can I do this? (Job related)

[WheekWheek]

I was offered a new job 2 months ago and am due to start at the end of this month. In the meantime my marriage has ended (I’ve found out about my husband’s affair). I feel in no fit state to go and work for a new company. My current company have been brilliant and have repeatedly offered to let me stay, I have worked there for over a decade and could do it with my eyes closed - which is exactly what I need right now.

How bad would it be to tell new job that I can’t come and work for them with about 3 weeks to go? I know I would burn any bridges or chance to work for them in the future. But are there any other consequences to pulling out at this late stage?

Both new and old jobs are approx 60K a year finance based role with 3 months notice periods if it matters.

If you start a new job and you're not up for it, you may fail to perform and get the boot.

I'd look after yourself here..its incredibly stressful starting somewhere new.

I would just tell them. Say your circumstances have changed and you are no longer able to take the job. Apologise and give them as much notice as possible. Lots of people accept then get a better offer.

Yes, I really don’t want to start new job at all. But also it would just be my luck at the moment to be sued for breach of contract or similar.

I know I think it’s just I’ve been through so many background and reference checks because it’s a regulated environment. It feels way too late in the process for changing my mind. Contracts where signed months ago.

I've had people do this to me, for senior jobs that require security vetting taking months. While very annoying, we just shrug and ask HR to send out the ad again. What else can you do? One was with only 3 weeks to go as well

It's not a gulag.
If you've not started yet you're not under contract

I will tell them tomorrow. Do you think an email will be ok I really can’t face a phone call. I feel sick about the whole thing

Email is fine! Better to be honest, you want to give them time to digest it. I think you'll find that they are much more used to this than you think.

Just 'I have had some sad and difficult news at home, and unfortunately am no longer able to consider a change in job role. I am sorry for the impact this will have on x (line manager/department) and am of course able to talk through at a convenient time.'

I bet they won't bother but will just make a token effort to see if you've been offered more elsewhere and then will leave you alone. And you're right at least to think this through BTW - you need to be in the right place for a job change.

Great wording there from JennyForeigner. Just let them as soon as possible and get it over with - you will then have one less thing to worry about.
Something very similar happened to me (new job coinciding with split from exH due to his cheating). I took the job as I felt I couldn’t let them down at that stage and felt it would be a good fresh start. In my case at least it was not the right decision - I struggled and made a diffult home situation far worse with a difficult job situation then too. If you have the option to stay in your current role and they are supportive, I would agree now is not the time for a move. Concentrate on you and what works for you. Sorry to hear about your marriage split - I know it sucks.