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AIBU?

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Original poster

Disagreement over partner's Phone

19 replies

SweetiePi3 · 10/05/2023 16:05

My partner visits a disabled person next door every day, sometimes for 15 minutes and sometimes for hours.
I don't mind at all, but when they go to visit, they don't take their phone.
I've told them that if the phone rings I will not answer. Today they were next door for 4 hours because the person was very ill and needed help.
When they came home they say that they had missed several important calls and went ballistic.
I pointed out that I had told them to take their phone and they had refused. They said I was being unreasonable, but I said that forgetting to take their phone with would be different, but refusing to and expecting me to take messages was wrong. So what do you think, was I wrong?

OP posts:
Cosyblankets · 10/05/2023 16:08

You're not a PA
I'm sure you have better things to do than answer his phone

Freefall212 · 10/05/2023 16:08

It's a changing society. Before cell phones, we answered the phone for everyone and took messages. No one thought that doing so was strange or weird or controlling or selfish. It was just a normal activity. If the phone rang, someone answered it and either talked if it was for them or took a message for someone else.

I think the idea of being tied to a cellphone and needing it have it on you 24/7 is unfortunate and not something I buy into. However cell phones have answering services and they show missed calls. So if it is an issue for you, then he can set up the answering servicer and hear the messages.

WheelsUp · 10/05/2023 16:12

Yanbu

Were the people calling able to tell you the details without GDPR or privacy issues ? For example if his doctor wants to discuss something medical or his insurance company had an update, they need to talk to him and a message isn't going to help.

gamerchick · 10/05/2023 16:17

Tell him/her that you're not your his/hers PA and to take her/his phone with him/her in future.

Slobberchops1 · 10/05/2023 16:17

Well even if you did answer it he’s not going to get the messages any quicker.

Original poster
SweetiePi3 · 10/05/2023 16:18

Freefall212 · 10/05/2023 16:08

It's a changing society. Before cell phones, we answered the phone for everyone and took messages. No one thought that doing so was strange or weird or controlling or selfish. It was just a normal activity. If the phone rang, someone answered it and either talked if it was for them or took a message for someone else.

I think the idea of being tied to a cellphone and needing it have it on you 24/7 is unfortunate and not something I buy into. However cell phones have answering services and they show missed calls. So if it is an issue for you, then he can set up the answering servicer and hear the messages.

As you say, with landline phones in the past, the call could be for anyone, but mobiles are inherently personal. If you want a personal phone then surely you're responsible for it?

OP posts:
kingtamponthefurred · 10/05/2023 16:35

Tell him that voicemail has effectively replaced secretaries and in any event, you didn't sign up for that job.

Bananah · 10/05/2023 16:36

Are you sure your partner isn’t having an affair? If the neighbour was female and my partner was spending hours with them I’d be a bit miffed.

Changingplace · 10/05/2023 16:38

How ridiculous, what’s the reason for refusing to take the phone?

afrikat · 10/05/2023 16:41

Was he expecting you to go round there and deliver messages? If not I don't understand why he would be expecting you to answer the phone, he wouldn't have realised any earlier. And if he knew he was expecting important calls he should obviously have taken the phone. It's really odd

EBearhug · 10/05/2023 16:42

If someone had specifically asked me to answer their phone because they're expecting an important call and they had good reason not to take their phone (the sound could disturb the ill person, but that's why phones have the option of vibrate or silent,) then I might be prepared to answer it and take messages.

But you had previously had the discussion about taking the phone, and they chose not to and there will be voicemail.

The reason we used to take messages was because phones were fixed to a pretty short range of the wall and were for the whole house to use. Mobile phones are... mobile... and personal to one person.

Original poster
SweetiePi3 · 10/05/2023 17:27

Bananah · 10/05/2023 16:36

Are you sure your partner isn’t having an affair? If the neighbour was female and my partner was spending hours with them I’d be a bit miffed.

It's possible, but unlikely. Their partner is also present.

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetiePi3 · 10/05/2023 17:31

Changingplace · 10/05/2023 16:38

How ridiculous, what’s the reason for refusing to take the phone?

If I'm away, they take it with. When I'm home they, dont.

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetiePi3 · 10/05/2023 17:33

afrikat · 10/05/2023 16:41

Was he expecting you to go round there and deliver messages? If not I don't understand why he would be expecting you to answer the phone, he wouldn't have realised any earlier. And if he knew he was expecting important calls he should obviously have taken the phone. It's really odd

Oh, yes! I must tell them to hold on while carrying it to them there.

OP posts:
afrikat · 10/05/2023 17:47

SweetiePi3 · 10/05/2023 17:33

Oh, yes! I must tell them to hold on while carrying it to them there.

Show quote history

Oof sod that!

This would drive me potty and I think they are being ridiculous

Cosyblankets · 10/05/2023 17:50

Go out
Leave it in another room
Just get on with your life
Let him deal with the consequences of missed calls

Jonnycakes · 10/05/2023 17:56

First of all, I’d be pissed if DH kept disappearing for hours visiting a neighbour no matter how ill they are. Family member who needs his help? Fine. Random from next door? Not fine.
Secondly I often listen out for dh’s phone when he’s in the garden or doing a job around the house. I simply shout to him it’s ringing and he comes to get it. Would I answer the phone, ask the person to hold the walk it round to someone else’s house? Not a chance in hell. It’s his problem.

Original poster
SweetiePi3 · 10/05/2023 18:15

Jonnycakes · 10/05/2023 17:56

First of all, I’d be pissed if DH kept disappearing for hours visiting a neighbour no matter how ill they are. Family member who needs his help? Fine. Random from next door? Not fine.
Secondly I often listen out for dh’s phone when he’s in the garden or doing a job around the house. I simply shout to him it’s ringing and he comes to get it. Would I answer the phone, ask the person to hold the walk it round to someone else’s house? Not a chance in hell. It’s his problem.

They're actually very good friends who we help out and who've helped us massively. I don't often go because the conversation is awful.

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 10/05/2023 18:19

I will help out DH and answer his phone if he is waiting on a specific call and needs to engage in a specific short task, like waiting on a call from the doctor and needing to run to the bathroom.

taking messages wastes the callers time. It is faster to leave a voicemail or for them to hang up and send a text.

running next door to get him is ridiculous

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