not to want my BIL to come and stay with us for a 'few months'

[pedilia]

He lives in Germany and wants to come over and work for us, not a problem but he is wanting to stay with us (indefinetly) until he earns enought to bring SIL and children over, decide whether to sell their house there and buy/rent here.

We have 3 children and I am 6 months pregnant with my 4th, we have a 4 bedroom house until we complete either extension or loft conversion.

So am I being a bit mean?

What work will he be doing for you?

I don't think so. Just because it sounds like a great plan for him, doesn't mean it is going to work for you. And it is your house after all!!

A few months is a bit much to have a house guest with a house full of children. Tell him no and help find him somewhere reasonable to stay.

No YANBU. Unless he is working for you for nothing and expects board and lodging in lieu of payment.

No, you're not being mean. You could agree to let him come and stay for a fixed period of time, say a couple of weeks, until he found something. It could go on for months and you'd have a house guest, your 3 children and a newborn baby to look after.

What is your DH saying about this ? YANBU by the way, a few months, thats madness.

YANBU.

Would he be expecting to stay with you rent-free as well?

he will be working as a driver for our haulage company being paid a very good salary, not sure the rent issue has come up yet.

I think DH is wanting to let him stay as he feels bad otherwise but will respect my wishes.

Just wanted to check I wasn't being unreasonable, aside for the fact we have a 4 bedroom house and until the loft conversion is done we have not got the space( he says he is happy to sleep on sofa)

I want my front room as just that, not a lonuge cum bedroom!

It sounds to me as if bil might expect to live with you without paying rent, in order to save up to move the family over here.

Can you find out if he'd pay? Whether he'd be doing a share of the household chores? Whether he'd mind being woken up when your newborn cries?

An indefinite stay is a lot to ask, even for a family member.

Bitofadramaqueen has given good advice.

Letting him stay for 2 weeks is a great compromise, means your DH doesn't need to feel bad, but puts a time limit on things.

If he's going to be earning enough ultimately for it to be viable to support himself, SIL & kids, then he's going to be earning enough for a single bloke's bedsit/flatshare whilst he saves up enough to bring his family over.

YANBU!

YANBU - as the other poster thread, say no but help him find somewhere reasonable to stay. He could probably do with your help as you are already in the country. Even if it means you have to view a few flats (not that I think you should be doing this, it's your DHs job IMO) it will still be less stressful in the long run.