To not have a room for DD?

[Mastmw7g]

We're moving and my DD is graduating university and not moving with us. I have three younger kids. I can either have the two boys share a room and have an empty room for an office that's used as a bedroom for DD when she comes to visit. Or the two boys could have their own bedrooms like my younger daughter. What would you do?

If you WFH and a home office would be useful to you, I’d have the boys share. How old are they and would they be happy to share?

If she’s not moving with you why does she need a bedroom? Be clear with her and your boys that they will bunk up when she does stay (maybe put twin beds in one room so it’s easy) so she feels like there is a base if she needs it but no need to run the family around someone who has left home.

Probably depends on the kids ages and on whether you actually need an office.
If boys are still small - then I’d have them share for a bit. And see how the ‘office’ works out.
I’d also have the office as study room for the kids - so boys could also use it.

Definitely both boys get a room each!

Home office with spare bed in it for daughter, other guests, you when you want some sleep.

Kids like sharing,it is the natural order. We had 4 bedroom house and our 3 still all shared until they were about 10 then we woudl gradually give them some space if there was some.

@Lolaandbehold They're 11and 5. DH has an office to go to, but would like the option of working from home a couple days a week.

She's not moving with you? So she will have a permanent residence somewhere else? In that case she doesnt get a bedroom kept aside for her for occasional.visits while 2 permamemt resident children share in my opinion.

Where will she be living? Does she have a permanent home she is renting, or is it something more temporary (crashing with a friend or boyfriend, further study)? If it’s the former then I’d say let the boys have their own rooms, as long as there is a guest bed somewhere she can use. If it’s the latter I’d be more inclined to keep a room for her until she is more permanently installed somewhere.

Room each. That's a big age gap and the 11 year old will be wanting space soon.

Mines are 10 and 7 and can’t imagine them sharing! Your 11 year old will need his own space soon surely no? Mine loves his little brother but needs a breather at the end of the day

If your dd has plans to stay in the area and is already happy to rent them you might manage it, but as someone whose parents were divorced and both bought houses with no room for me because of a sibling, I don't want to tell you what that does to family relationships. It depends on ages, if the younger ones would only need their own room for a year or two before uni and then making it a spare room for all the kids then might work. Watch out for thinking she's independent, capable and 'fine' it's quite common for the eldest, especially girls but nothing worse sometimes than being the one that won't cause a fuss or complain, she'll always have needs that need meeting and if one of those is a room in your house to stay it's a good idea to have one.

@minipie She'll be renting a home.

I'd probably go for a home with an extra room that could be an office with all kids having their own room. There's then space if DD needs to stay and an extra room is handy to have. If that doesn't work, a caravan or small room added in the back yard as an office and spare sleep out maybe?

In that case I’d give the boys separate rooms but perhaps on the proviso that they need to bunk up together if Dsis wants to visit.

@NeedCoffeeNowPlease We're renting and saving up to buy. The five bedroom homes are so much more expensive than the four bedroom homes.

I'm sorry but do you realise how absolutly ridiculous your comment is?
I genuinely need to k ow if you're aware that if people could afford a massive house then they would....OP osnt choosing this predicament.

OP have you considered just being rich and buying all your children their own house?

when my parents moved fairly soon after I finished university, they did not allocate me a room and did not have a guest room. I was an adult renting my own home. I had no interest in having a bedroom in their house. I don’t think they even considered that I would need one and I didn’t either.

With the age gap I would go for a room each.

It's not at all ridiculous. There are plenty of configurations of houses that can flexibly be used. Some have nooks that can be an office or a back up bedroom with a curtain, some have two living areas, a room behind a garage, so many options. My comment is based mostly on the DH wanting the space to work from home. I also know how it is when grown children leave home and need to come home for periods between study times. We are far from rich but learning to look at houses flexibly meant my kids were always able to have their own room. If one DC had to come home now we'd look at a caravan in the back yard for an office, or something.

Has your daughter implied or said she expects a room? I didn't move back home after uni and had no expectation that my parents would keep a room for me. If you've moved out, you've moved out!

11&5yos have different needs. 11yo will need quiet space for homework. 5yo needs a place to play.

I left home at 17 and have never been back. Things were maybe a little easier for new graduates then. Even if DD doesn't want a room, DH has said he would like some office space, so that's still a consideration.

@NeedCoffeeNowPlease can definitely see what you mean. Especially as many people move away from home now, fair enough they live a close distance but not unreasonable that you'd have a room in a parent's house if you need it!! It doesn't have to be a room 'just' for you but spare room, sofa bed etc. At the daughters age she's still very young and not nice to feel homeless in between graduating and renting.

How old is the younger daughter?

What about a sofa bed in the office for when she stays?