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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want PIL to stay again?

21 replies

knock3times · 09/05/2023 22:16

PIL moved abroad when me and DH were first dating 11 years ago.

When they come over they stay with us - sometimes for up to 2 weeks plus.

When we were a couple with a spare bed I could grin and bear it. We now have 2 children - and no spare bed. Meaning if they stay, someone is on the sofa or an air bed. Plus youngest DC is still in our room so if they have our bed it means moving her cot into the living room as they won't sleep with her and the bedroom that is hers isn't big enough for the 3 of us. We could put her in with eldest DC but he's at school and would disturb him in the night.

I can't relax when they're around either.. his mum always makes snide comments. I know I'm not perfect but I don't need to be reminded I'm not perfect in my own home. I can't just relax in my dressing gown without feeling awkward and having IBS I end up with a lot of stomach ache while they're staying holding farts in as embarrassing as that is to admit! 😂 I don't need her making comments on my parenting, asking if she can "make a suggestion" when me and DH are talking.. his dad with football on the tv 24/7.. it's painful.

AIBU to now suggest the time has come for them to get an air B&B next time?

OP posts:
curiouscat1987 · 09/05/2023 22:31

No advice re the pil but charcoal tablets really help me with trapped wind! Good luck!

Original poster
knock3times · 09/05/2023 22:33

@curiouscat1987 it's awful isn't it! I just get so much wind.. and it's so loud.. it can't be discreet! If I don't let it out I end up doubled over by bed time in agony!
I've never tried charcoal tablets, only windeeze etc.. I'll have a look at those! Thank you!

OP posts:
HolyGuacamole28 · 09/05/2023 22:33

I reckon tell them to feck off to a hotel / air bnb. It’s just not practical. I tell my PIL that we don’t have space because we don’t.

DucksNewburyport · 09/05/2023 22:34

If it was for a couple of nights I'd say grin and bear it, but for up to two weeks YANBU. What does DH think?

AmandaHoldensLips · 09/05/2023 22:38

Send them a list of local accommodations - air bnb, hotels, B&Bs.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 09/05/2023 22:38

Is DH happy suggesting that they stay somewhere else?

sheworemellowyellow · 09/05/2023 22:41

You just don’t have the space. It’s as basic as that. They have to stay elsewhere. Perfectly normal and reasonable expectation as a family grows. Like many new grandparents, though, they may be struggling to accept what they see as their diminished status and your enhanced status. Of course that’s not what it is, it’s the DC and life in general meaning their needs are now secondary or even tertiary.

Anyway. B&B it is.

Gymmum82 · 09/05/2023 22:42

You can’t have your baby in a cot in the lounge for 2 weeks. You don’t have the space. It’s simple. They will have to find somewhere else to stay

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 09/05/2023 22:45

And they must have seen the time that your house would be full and your lives busy and saved enough so that they can rent somewhere or stay in a hotel?

Ilovetea42 · 09/05/2023 22:46

I find peppermint oil capsules and tea really helped with my ibs.

I think it's unfair to expect that level of disruption to your dc sleeping arrangements and having to sleep in your living room. They made the choice to move abroad so they can't have expected to stay indefinitely with you when they visit. I would chat to your dh and say you're happy for them to visit and spend time but you don't have enough space for it to be practical so the next time they need to stay somewhere and visit during the day. It would give them their own space to relax in too. Then I think it's up to dh to have that chat with them next time they talk about coming over. Could be as simple as saying you can't keep your little one sleeping in the living room because you're working on their routine so it's best they stay nearby and he could even help them find somewhere. Over 2 weeks would drive me crazy and I love my inlaws they're fab.

Chillyallday · 09/05/2023 22:49

Definitely Airbnb. Don’t do this to yourself for 2 weeks!!

TomatoSandwiches · 09/05/2023 22:50

There's no room at the bloody Inn and that's the truth of it.
I don't understand why anyone thinks it's OK to displace people in their own home because they refuse to pay for their own accommodation.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 09/05/2023 22:56

Yanbu.
I totally get it. I am a windy person myself so I know how uncomfortable it can be.

My PIL now stay in a hotel. My husband just told them I get all worked up having guests and so they just book a hotel. Very occasionally his mum will stay a night or so and I can put up with that.

You don't have to make it an issue just wait until they make noises about coming and just get your husband to tell them to book a b and b.

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/05/2023 22:58

You’ve no space. Would impose ourselves on our kids in those circumstances. They need to find an alternative.

MenoRageisReal · 09/05/2023 23:14

Make sure the message comes from DH, not you.

Voice of bitter experience here.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 09/05/2023 23:29

Sod that for a game of soldiers…Tell dh to put his big boy pants on and tell them there’s no room at yours now the children are getting older, it isn’t fair on anyone, including them so they will have to stay in a hotel or a B&B or whatever.
Colpermin peppermint capsules are good for wind and I found Buscopan antispasmodic tablets helped with stomach cramps. Both over the counter medication.

Bunce1 · 09/05/2023 23:34

There simply isn’t room! They can’t stay for that long it is such an imposition!

Dh must tell them- although it will be hard. Can you offer to pay?

LittleOwl153 · 09/05/2023 23:36

Yes I think when dd moves into her own room is the perfect time to ring the changes - you just don't need all that disruption of kids sleep etc as baby gets bigger.

Hopefully DH is onside and you can find a nice nearby b&b or ideally an air b&b flat or something self contained!

sewerrat · 09/05/2023 23:37

they chose to move away, its not your fault they Dont own property in the country they want to visit. tell them pay and stay somewhere else as you dont have time or space

Seas164 · 09/05/2023 23:38

DH needs to email them a few options for other places to stay. There's no way I'd be setting up camp in my own living room for a fortnight especially with a baby, sod that.

Alternatively let them come to stay and let the farts rip with abandon, that should do the trick. It will be the last time they do!

NeedCoffeeNowPlease · 09/05/2023 23:54

You don't have room for them, they have to find somewhere else to stay. This is what my parents do when they visit after deciding to retire overseas.

I'd just stay in my dressing gown. If MIL asks if she can make a suggestion, "No thanks, we can work it out." Football on the TV would drive me nuts. Why visit if he's just going to watch TV all day anyway? He can watch football at whatever accommodation he finds away from your home if he must. I couldn't stand it and would shut it down. Compromise: he can watch it with the sound off.

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