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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not sure if I’m over-reacting

12 replies

CutiePatooties · 09/05/2023 18:11

A work colleague has started talking down to me and I let the first couple of comments go, as she made them 1:1 where no one else heard them.

However, today, she made a dig in front of everyone else in the staffroom and I’m becoming really miffed about it (although not sure if I’m over-reacting).

I’m a teacher and she’s a HLTA. I asked her how a child was getting on now they’re in the next year group. She said, ‘oh, the child is flying now, but then he does have a strong teacher.’ Then just stared at me while we both sat in silence (I took it as a dig, meaning I’m NOT a strong teacher as I had this child the previous year).

It bugged me, but I let it go. I thought, perhaps she didn’t mean to slate me and that she can praise someone else without having to put me down, so maybe I’m over-thinking it.

Then, after she realised she now has my new class on a day I’m not in, she said, ‘you do know you have to leave their certificates filled in for me, as I won’t be with them all week. I don’t want to come in and have to make it up off the top of my head.’ To which I told her, I’m fully aware of what needs to be done and will always have them ready.

Cut to today, where I’m in the staffroom and I get my lunch out. I asked if I could get away with microwaving them (sausage rolls) and she said, ‘yeah, they’ll be fine. You do have to take them out the packaging though.’ In front of everyone, like I’m completely stupid.

I’m starting to become really annoyed now. I haven’t worked with this woman before, SLT have never had any complaints, my observations have always gone well, I passed my NQT with the second highest grade. I even told work I will have to leave as hours aren’t working for me and they let me drop my days per week to keep me on. So surely if I was stupid/incompetent/not a strong teacher, they’d let me know first and certainly would’ve been happy to say goodbye to me when I gave them the chance. I just don’t know where her low opinion of me is coming from, so I’m even thinking that perhaps people I’ve worked closely with, have been slagging me off to her so she’s formed an opinion of me based on the opinion of others. I’m really getting in my head about this now.

AIBU? Should I chill out a bit and just laugh it off? Should I say something to her?

OP posts:

UnbeIievabIe · 09/05/2023 18:15

Sounds like you're overreacting. If you dont like her then everything she does will bug you.

Original poster

CutiePatooties · 09/05/2023 18:17

@UnbeIievabIe thank you. I did like her until the comments came, but I think you’re right. After the first comment, I’ve probably got my back up and now looking into everything she says too much.

I’ll take a chill pill then.

OP posts:

booboo24 · 09/05/2023 18:19

I'm not in the teaching profession so may not be the best to answer this, but I would have taken the first comment a tad personally. Possibly though, as you say, she may just have been praising the new teacher, she's never worked with you so logically how can she comment on your teaching?

I also would have had my heckles raised by the comment about the certificates, but you handled that well!

The sausage roll - I wouldn't take that to heart, as you were asking if it is OK to microwave she maybe thought you didn't use them and was just pointing out the need to remove the wrapper. I think you've jumped on this based on hwr comments previously.

She does sound very full of her own self importance, and hopefully others are finding the same.

Leftphalange100 · 09/05/2023 18:20

I would probably have got a bit annoyed at the first comment but think the other 2 you are maybe overreacting

CeciNestPasUnPipi · 09/05/2023 18:20

I think you're ostensibly dealing with a common-or-garden personality clash.

She sounds like she has a caustic sense of humour, and not at all interested in how you feel about her. That can be hard to deal with, but not impossible ... but if she's got your back up already, it could be a bit of a rough ride.

Fairowing · 09/05/2023 18:25

Some people are like this and it’s hard to find out why without asking them and I find this is exactly what they want because then they can do their amateur dramatics and escalate the situation. It’s very unprofessional of her though and I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of these comments.
You could either make a diary if you want to take it further with management or the next time she says something just look her in the eye and calmly ask “why?” Or “why do you say that?” It will put her on the spot and she can’t twist it round as you being the issue.

MotherOfPantherCat · 09/05/2023 18:25

I'd answer with humour.... e.g.
sausage roll - out the packaging.. "Oh really, I usually eat that too.. full of protein"
strong teacher - "yeah.. some people like to bulk up their muscle when they don't have the brains"..
then again, I am Scottish, we handle things with witty digs but it gets the point across without (too much) offence and people usually back off ;)

gentlemum · 09/05/2023 18:28

Just from reading the comments I wouldn't think they're meant too maliciously but then again you've got a gut feeling about her attitude towards you and that's usually right! She might just be that type of person, I've come across several of those before at work. Do you know is she like that with anyone else? I would say if it carries on and it's an uncomfortable working environment it may be worth mentioning it to her in private and see what she says.

Original poster

CutiePatooties · 09/05/2023 18:33

@MotherOfPantherCat Ha!! I’m trying this!!
@Fairowing perhaps might be worth noting them down in case it progresses.
@CeciNestPasUnPipi I’m really trying to be mature and even went to sit with her to eat my sausage rolls 😂 which by her face, clearly shocked her! You’re right though, it will be hard to work together when we’re already clashing!
@Leftphalange100 yeah, I fear I may be over-reacting. Think I’ll just see if it escalates.
@booboo24 others seem to love her and she has nothing but wonderful things to say about everyone else. This is why I’m so confused with how she is with me!
although I don’t have friends at work - they leave me out of everything (work events, nights out, have each other on social media but not me etc). It could be that I’m an easy target as I don’t have any strong bonds there (not worked there long and been on mat leave for a year until recently).

OP posts:

notteallyme · 09/05/2023 18:36

I had one of these at work. I think she had just taken an instant dislike to me and didn't think I was worth much. I hadn't treated her any differently to anyone else and she treated no one else like that. It's unsettling and has you questioning yourself. I'm sorry I've no advice as other people rarely notice this as it's not directed at them. She thankfully left.

Thoughtful2355 · 09/05/2023 18:52

im more confused why you would ask if you could microwave the sausage rolls... your not stupid or anything

Original poster

CutiePatooties · 09/05/2023 19:01

@Thoughtful2355 they didn’t state on the packaging that they’re recommended for microwaving, so I thought I’d ask people to see if they’ve ever done it and felt fine afterwards (I don’t really fancy making myself sick). I’m not stupid, but I’m now questioning whether you are, seeing as you’re THE ONLY person I’ve had to explain myself to…..

OP posts:

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