To think parenting pressure is a lot?

[MrFlobby]

I’m not sure what it was like 30, 40 years ago… but I know I feel huge pressure now to bring my children up without fault… as if I am some abnormal, super human with no faults of my own.

Obviously I strive for the basics, eat fruit veg, be able to talk to us, read, play, don’t be late/off school unless necessary. But my god… every day I feel like I’ve failed some how.

Shouted to much, didn’t play enough, prioritised the house work instead of interacting and ‘enjoying the moment.’

1 of my DC are in nursery and take packed lunch, they’re increasingly coming home not having eaten their crisps which are in a separate lunch box compartment and I’m wondering if the staff are deliberately not giving them because they think I shouldn’t be putting them in her lunch.

I wonder if school teachers look at me and think she’s a good or bad parent.

Is this a universal feeling the constant worrying about being enough or am I missing a trick? I feel like parenting would be so much easier without the constant pressure to do it all perfectly.

I'm a parent of a child with quite complex SEN and I feel this a lot.

In spite of the fact with my non disabled child in main steam I have never had so much as a phone call home. I think she hid from her teacher once in nursery and scared her. In year 6 now and nothing since then.

Feel like I'm constantly failing though although my children seem to think I'm a good enough mum.

Nope. I don't feel any of that. You sound a bit anxious maybe? DS is 6, im 42... Dunno if my age is relevant. I just go with the flow as far as parenting goes. I don't give a stuff how others parent or what others think, not that I've ever had anyone say anything anyway!! I enjoy my own hobbies and activities which I do for me and enjoy not being 'mum' and responsible. I enjoy my career. DS is the icing on the cake and I enjoy my time with him too. He seems to be doing just fine at school - I'm assuming, as we've never had negative feedback. He's a happy, healthy kid. So all in all, whatever we're doing is working just fine.

It’s possible DC just doesn’t want to eat the crisps/ is full. My child often comes home only having eaten some of her lunch box because she just wasn’t that hungry

I completely agree.

I often feel like we need to be doing 'stuff' but realistically the kids are their happiest pottering around the house and garden!!

I don’t think there’s a pressure to do it “perfectly” but I do think parents should be held to a high standard and just surviving isn’t enough .

You’re raising a child, so you should be up on what’s best/safest for them. You should know how to raise them as an emotionally healthy being and this does require work and research and keeping up to date on the latest child developments.

@stinkythefool possibly I would definitely say it’s a form of anxiety but one that only includes the children! I do have 3 under 6 so I think trying to meet all their needs feels a bit overwhelming at times.

@SunnySaturdayMorning its good you don’t feel that way, maybe it’s a me problem not society. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Where do you think the pressure is coming from? Genuine question, I'm interested as usually when I feel pressure about anything, I suspect it comes from myself, not from anyone else.

Had a similar conversation with someone recently. My eldest was born 24 years ago and it was completely different, easy, no pressure. Worried less.

Had my youngest 18 months ago and it's like a completely different world. There's so much constant information out there and I'm forever paranoid about x, y or z.

With my first I learned everything from books I borrowed from the library. Couldn't just Google something then and scare yourself half to death with risks and dangers and what have you.

Also no social media then, probably has a big part to play.

I totally agree OP - the pressure of parenting can feel like a lot and it’s definitely bought out anxiety in me that I didn’t have pre-kids. Trying to ensure they are all happy, well rounded, not spoilt etc. I totally do the crisps thing too, and I also cringe when their nails are too long like the teachers are seeing it as neglect 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

@Lovely234 oh yes!!! Me too! Or if they have dirt under them 😬

But we wouldn't have access to any of this information without the internet. We'd have a few books, the odd appointment with a health visitor, and a doctor on the end of the phone if we spotted anything wrong health wise. Most of the time we'd be winging it, or asking other parents what they did and doing that.

I agree OP, I think the access we have to information these days creates more pressure. I have spent hours and hours reading, researching, taking notes, planning. I won't stop doing that because it's who I am, but I recognise that it does mean I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself.

Yes, welcome to being a parent of 3. It's bad enough with fewer kids but we're basically held to the same standard as two parents with one child. It's a completely different dynamic. When all three were under 5 I accepted the feeling of constant failure. And the flooded bathroom, and all the other horror shows I can't even remember. It's probably why the birth rate keeps declining. People see the expectations and feel they can't meet them.

The problem nowadays is there's too much research, too many opinions. I could go online wanting to be an amazing parent and 'doing my research' and coming off feeling more stressed and overwhelmed than before because nobody agrees with each other.

You say you should be developing your child well emotionally? You'd probably be modelling that better easing off the gas a bit and staying away from the 'research' and chilling out a bit.

No, you are 100 percent right
It's gone the other way to the extreme
Especially on TikTok!
It's like a movement of some sort
Whilst it's good, I try not to let it take over my enjoyment of this special time