Not to force my pre-schooler to wear a coat?

[Britchick79]

My daughter is nearly 3 and doesn’t seem to feel the cold. She likes to strip off down to her vest/pants in the garden or at the beach when it’s anything over 10 degrees.

Even in winter, she hates wearing a coat. If I make it a condition of going out she’ll do it but keep complaining or just run away and take it off herself. So I’ve stopped making her.

When it’s icy cold, snowy or rainy, she does choose to put her coat on by herself.

However I often get comments from adults like ‘ooh I’m cold just looking at her’ or people saying I should make her wear one, yet she is not shivering and is playing happily.

My mum often tells her she will ‘catch cold’ but I can’t find any actual evidence of this (my understanding is that people catch more colds in winter because they are crammed close together indoors, not because their bodies are cold). But in any case, she is very rarely ill compared to her peer group.

Is it so wrong to let her choose?

No, it's fine. No point getting into a power battle with her. If she's cold she'll ask to put the coat on. My toddler is the same and if he says he doesn't want to wear it I just say no worries and take it with us. Once he feels the cold outside he'll ask for it.

They struggle to imagine the future and how things will feel different at that age. As an adult I know it's cold outside so I don't mind putting my coat on in advance of that, I'll feel too warm before I get out there but I logically get that it's preferable to being cold once I leave the building. Toddlers just think 'I'm not cold! I don't want my coat!' and that's that. So let them experience a bit of cause and effect: don't wear coat? Feel cold! Feel cold? Ask for coat! Put coat on? Feel warm!

They're absolutely fine.

I've also found the older generations to be absolutely OBSESSED with making sure babies and toddlers are warm. Fixated, even. My stepmum had a huge go at me once because I didn't force my toddler into a coat that he could just as easily remove himself before going outside in March. It's just their way, I try not to overthink or pay it too much attention.

Would she compromise on a thick cardi / something other than a coat?

I'd be a little hesitant to let my 3yo make such decisions to be honest. I get that you don't want to make it a battleground but you also don't want to pander / let them know they can have their own way.

The older generation(myself) grew up without central heating, and winters were colder; also fewer people had cars, so we had to wait for busses when going anywhere.

It's healthy for toddlers to be empowered to make certain, low-level choices and decisions about their lives.

Adults decide on the big things: what time bedtime is. What's for tea. Whether you're off to nursery. Where you're going food shopping. That it's time for their next vaccinations.

Toddlers decide on the little things: do I put my coat on now, or once I'm cold. Orange or pink cup. Whether or not they want their snack. Which trousers to wear for nursery. Which book to check out from the library. It builds their confidence. They're autonomous little humans and as you raise them they will increasingly take responsibility for bigger and bigger decisions, there is no moment where you snap your fingers and they transition to making decisions. It happens from the beginning.

We all want/need to 'have our own way' when it comes to things in our lives. I'm sure you had your own way about what to wear this morning, what to have for breakfast, etc.

Absolutely fine. I've taught reception kids who wear ankle socks all year round, even when it's snowing, or never ever put on a jumper. It's not worth the argument, although I do always keep an eye on them when they're outside and it's cold. If need be I'll call them inside for some spurious reason for a few minutes and see if I can get them to put more layers on while they're there.

Nothing wrong with your DD.

Mine will wear a mixture of hoodie, raincoat and gillet if it under 10 degrees in the morning or raining but in the afternoon/evening when I pick her she frequently refuses to wear any of them.

I'd keep an eye on them so they don't get chilled but not worry overmuch otherwise. If they're turning blue or purple they probably need a coat on!

This thread is from months ago!

And we had exactly the same question on a long thread a couple of days ago 😀

Two of mine were the same. I’d take a coat with us and hold it in my hand to ward off any nosey buggers. But they would rarely wear it. they did when they too cold though.

I used to pick up ds from nursery every day in the winter to be told how terrible it was and how he had thrown a tantrum and wouldn’t put his coat on for outdoor play. They tried to wrestle him into it a couple of times and he kicked them in the shins, which was fun at pick up.

I said he would wear it if he was cold. They kept saying it was neglectful to let him go out without one and used to complain that a member of staff had to stay in with him when he refused to put it on as they wouldn’t let him outside without it.

So I either had to go in and wrestle ds into it, sometimes he’d cry so much he was sick, or I had to have them tell me it was my fault and that I was neglecting his needs not training him to wear one (it was the straw that broke the camels back in my decision to give up work to be a SAHM, I couldn’t take it anymore).

He’s in his early 20s now and wears thermal underwear to work and has about 15 coats 🤣

The one time he cried so much he was sick, I immediately had to take him home for 48 as per the stomach bug rule 🤦🏽‍♀️

Any way, that was a tangent, but some children are okay with the cold. I wouldn’t worry. My now 3 year old is exactly the same as her older brother was. She’s really bloody hardy and never gets more than a sniffle.

DD used to do this. I'd say ok, I'll take your coat and tell me when you're cold. 1.5 seconds outside the house and she'd usually put it on.