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Original poster

Should I reach out?

27 replies

LemonsLimesOranges · 09/05/2023 10:16

This is more of a WWYD.

I have been dating a guy recently and things have been going really well. So far we have had about 4-5 dates and progression is well. On Thursday last week he invited me for a drink before he was going to the horse racing. I accepted and he told me he really liked me, introduced me to his friends and everything.

Fast forward to Thursday night, we were texting back and forth about when we were next meeting, flirting etc. Then he abruptly stopped and I've not heard from him again. If he's ghosted me, It seems really bizarre how we were immediately beforehand for it to just halt. Especially since I heard through the grapevine that he was still telling people about us over the weekend.

Should I just leave it or try and reach out? I know where he lives but I don't want to come on super strong or very weird.

OP posts:
greennotepad · 09/05/2023 10:18

It could be ghosting, it could be that he's busy or an emergency has come up. I've been in this situation a few times before- it's been both the former and the latter. The fact is, after 5 dates, it's too soon to tell- you barely know one another.

I would worry a bit less about what he's doing and focus on yourself and keeping busy. It's best not to put all your eggs in one basket at such an early stage. Are you dating anyone else?

Original poster
LemonsLimesOranges · 09/05/2023 10:23

Sorry I forgot to add, the same friend he was introducing me too and stuff, mentioned in passing that he had lost his phone when out on Thursday. So that may explain the disappearing act but again no one has made any moves to resolve the issue and carry on where we left off🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
TuesandThursNero · 09/05/2023 10:24

Have you had sex?

Original poster
LemonsLimesOranges · 09/05/2023 10:24

@greennotepad I'm not dating other people at the moment no but I have been talking to others. I'm not really into dating more than 1 person physically at a time.

OP posts:
greennotepad · 09/05/2023 10:26

I'm a bit confused about the phone- if he's lost it of course he wouldn't be able to message? I've lost/broken a phone before and it's a real pain in the arse getting it sorted, I'm not sure chatting to someone I'm very casually dating would be at the top of my list of priorities.

Original poster
LemonsLimesOranges · 09/05/2023 10:26

@TuesandThursNero we had sex on the first night but have focused more on getting to know eachother since that first night.

OP posts:
purpleboy · 09/05/2023 10:27

So you've been texting up until Thursday, when you've been told he lost his phone, and you think he's ghosted you because you haven't heard from him?

Am I missing something?

TuesandThursNero · 09/05/2023 10:27

LemonsLimesOranges · 09/05/2023 10:23

Sorry I forgot to add, the same friend he was introducing me too and stuff, mentioned in passing that he had lost his phone when out on Thursday. So that may explain the disappearing act but again no one has made any moves to resolve the issue and carry on where we left off🤷‍♀️

Huh?

he was messaging you on his phone and suddenly went quiet.

TuesandThursNero · 09/05/2023 10:29

LemonsLimesOranges · 09/05/2023 10:26

@TuesandThursNero we had sex on the first night but have focused more on getting to know eachother since that first night.

So had sex on date 1

seen each other 3x after that (including the brief drink before he went off to the horse racing?)

now suddenly quiet.

I would leave it and see if he communicates. Simple as that.

Original poster
LemonsLimesOranges · 09/05/2023 10:30

I found out last night about the phone being lost. From thursday evening until yesterday it was very radio silent so I didn't know that. I still don't know if that's true or if its an excuse to ghost me.

The point of my thread is should I make a move and reach out? Or just leave it. It's not about the ins and outs of the dating experience.

OP posts:
TuesandThursNero · 09/05/2023 10:31

Leave it.

most people replace their phones within 24 hours

Nothing to stop him contacting you via email? social media? Letter?? Popping around?

greennotepad · 09/05/2023 10:32

But you wrote the thread this morning, after you found out? Surely you can see that the reason he stopped messaging is because he lost is phone? I don't think it's any deeper than that.

However to answer your question- no I don't think you should reach out. How would you anyway, if he doesn't have a phone? You mentioned knowing where he lives- hopefully not to suggest you might turn up to his house, which would be beyond weird. Leave it a few days, if he doesn't get in touch again (if you have mutual friends it would be easy enough for him to do even without a phone) throw him back and move on.

TuesandThursNero · 09/05/2023 10:32

Over a bank holiday. 4 nights no contact.

If he did lose phone he would have replaced by now

Original poster
LemonsLimesOranges · 09/05/2023 10:35

@TuesandThursNero I wouldn't count the first night as date 1. We met in a bar, enjoyed our night and ended it together. It could of very much been or stayed a one night stand. We've met 5 times since then on "date" type days and that casual drink on Thursday.

OP posts:
TuesandThursNero · 09/05/2023 10:36

LemonsLimesOranges · 09/05/2023 10:23

Sorry I forgot to add, the same friend he was introducing me too and stuff, mentioned in passing that he had lost his phone when out on Thursday. So that may explain the disappearing act but again no one has made any moves to resolve the issue and carry on where we left off🤷‍♀️

I wonder if he told his friend to tell you this.

TuesandThursNero · 09/05/2023 10:38

look op

its been almost five days of no contact. The last being from you

You asked what posters would so. I would leave it. Absolutely nothing stopping him from contacting you by a lot of other ways, added to which, phones replaced within 24 hours generally

purpleboy · 09/05/2023 11:05

Why play games? If you like him try and get in touch, if you don't care then don't bother, oh and it's not true that phones are usually replaced in 24 hours.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 09/05/2023 11:22

Go out and date someone else OP. HE must told his friend to tell you that he has lost his phone. He can get in touch with you but does not want to. Leave it and stop thinking of him and enjoy your life. Go shopping, eat out, meet up with friends, do not think of him. Life your life. don't waste it on someone who does not want to be a part of it.

GalileoHumpkins · 09/05/2023 11:24

There are other ways to contact someone other than texting but neither of you have bothered to try so I'd just let it go.

TheSnowyOwl · 09/05/2023 11:29

Move on, it sounds like neither of you are bothering to contact each other so find someone else.

Whatkindofuckeryisthis · 09/05/2023 11:37

Oh I’d reach out. I couldn’t bear not knowing! I’d expect to be told someone wasn’t interested rather than just ignored! I can’t imagine dating as I have been with my DH for 15 years but it would stress me out as I am inpatient! It’s probably likely he isn’t interested as he would have contacted you but given you also haven’t reached out, he might think the same of you!!

Original poster
LemonsLimesOranges · 09/05/2023 12:00

@Whatkindofuckeryisthis yeah that's my thought... what if we are both waiting for eachother to reach out. I'm at work when he is usually out so it's not like I can orchestrate a meeting in a pub or something just to see what's going on. Nor do I use Facebook to be able to just drop him a message.

The only reason I'm having doubts that it's an actual ghosting is because the chat continued to flow and it was him professing feelings that he really liked me and was telling his friends about us etc. So to seem that keen then abruptly disappear mid conversation is odd and what's annoying me the most. Like why lead someone on like that if your just going to go awol.

OP posts:
TuesandThursNero · 09/05/2023 14:16

what if we are both waiting for eachother to reach out.

but op it’s

TuesandThursNero · 09/05/2023 14:16

him that has lost his phone so plus on him to “reach out”

can you honestly not see that?!

TuesandThursNero · 09/05/2023 14:17

How did you meet him?