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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's cheeky as fuck to not acknowledge someone but then ask for their help?

33 replies

DontAsk11 · 08/05/2023 10:34

I've been married to DH for 4 years, together 6. I was not the OW he'd been separated from his ex for about 2 years when we met. They share 2 DC.

Husbands ex has never wanted to meet me which is fine, she barely acknowledges my existence and in the past when I've tried to be friendly by starting a conversation on the odd occasion we've been together she's essentially blanked me aside from the odd nod or 'yes/no'.

She clearly doesn't want to be friendly with me and that's absolutely her decision but what bothers me is that she is like this with me but she has absolutely no problem asking for favours via DH from me and I just think it's cheeky as fuck.

Basically if she asks DH to have DSC extra and he can't for whatever reason, her first response is 'can DontAsk not have them?'. This can be for a variety of reasons like her wanting to go out with friends or her partner.

AIBU to think you can't essentially blank someone for years but expect them to help you when you need it? Its absolutely fine that she doesn't want to talk or barely look at me but don't then ask for my help when you want it.

OP posts:
TomeTome · 08/05/2023 12:07

DontAsk11 · 08/05/2023 10:43

I often don't actually. Although DH thinks I'm being unreasonable to say no if I can help a lot of the time. I think he takes it as more of an afront that I won't see DSC just because his ex is a twat.

Show quote history

Does he do babysitting for your friends and family if you ask?

Daffodil92 · 08/05/2023 12:11

No way would I help her. Cheeky cow 😂

Iwasafool · 08/05/2023 12:11

tescocreditcard · 08/05/2023 10:37

Just tell your dh if she wants something from you she needs to ring you and ask you.

Absolutely this.

slowquickstep · 08/05/2023 12:27

You already jump when she asks you to do something so why does she need to change, she gets what she wants. it is you that needs to change.

Codlingmoths · 08/05/2023 12:30

Dh should say cheerily, don’task doesn’t do favours for people who can barely give her the time of day so she can’t.

Chowtime · 08/05/2023 12:31

Firstmonthfree · 08/05/2023 11:20

I’d just stop doing it to be honest. I would t want to force her to be polite when she obviously doesn’t like you, what would be the point?

But she shouldn't have to force the ex wife to be polite to her - if someone (including ex wives) needs a favour from someone, they need to ask politely. Thats how it works. It's not a question of the OP forcing her to be polite - she should be polite anyway.

LakeTiticaca · 08/05/2023 12:33

It would be a big fat no from me . Assuming it's not an emergency and should just wants to dump the kids for social outings.
She's a CF

LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 08/05/2023 12:51

Who knows what her reasons are, perhaps she's not over him, whatever it is she is clearly uncomfortable. Can I suggest you just do what pleases you. If you are happy to see DSC then have them, if not, don't. I certainly would not feel any obligation to, even if she were perfectly pleasant and nice.

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