When does it get easier? In tears and can't see a way forward

[turpp]

I have dc 15 months who I have cared for entirely alone. Their dad is in contact with me and to be fair I do get 500 ish a month maintenance but dad has seen them a handful of times and never alone (his choice) and for literally 30 minutes. He has never fed dc or done anything practical, I even struggled after my c section to build the new cot, I have had no help. Some family but not help in practical sense.

I am finding it so hard. So lonely. So trapped.

I do all the things you’re supposed to, I see friends and go to baby classes etc but I am so drained. I recently went back to work and I love it but I feel so frazzled with ensuring dc is ok, I can’t properly communicate with them yet and that makes me feel I’m not always sure they’re happy etc. When will this get easier? Will it ever get easier? Am I going to feel like this always?

Handhold.

I found that stage more difficult than I’d expected. The mobile, grabbing and unable to talk or reason stage seems to last a long time.

Mine is three now and the last few months HAVE been easier. There are tantrums but it’s less full on and he can explain himself a bit better, and less sticking fingers in plug sockets.

You’re in the thick of it, you’re alone, and it’s hard. But warrior through it and it WILL get easier.

🌻
of course you’re not being unreasonable feeling like this. It must be exhausting. It will get easier, and then it may get harder again and then it will get easier again.

you sound like you are doing a brilliant job but are tired. Maybe look at some of the groups you are doing, decide whether they actually help you- are they making things easier for an hour or so or are they actually causing more stress as you rush around? You are doing such a lot, it’s admirable, but no wonder you’re tired.

You're doing amazingly and please do hang on in there - with both my DC, I found 2yo a real turning point, like I came out of the tunnel of the full on phase you're describing and could get myself back again.

As you must have childcare for when you're working, are you able to get that person to do any babysitting or other care when you're not working just so you get a few hours to take care of yourself? Don't feel like it's all on you to be there for DC 24/7 and get any mum guilt about having childcare when you're not working. Even the creche at the gym can be a godsend. Do whatever it takes to get you through this bit and it will get easier soon.

Although it got incrementally easier from 2 onwards, since my child went to school so much stress is gone. She can communicate more which makes things so much easier, she can help out with little jobs, she plays independently, sleeps 11 hours straight, goes to extra curricular activities. Having her at school feels like you aren’t as alone and there is someone to turn to who is watching her back in a way that I don’t think is quite the same with HVs and nursery.

It's a very difficult age and you sound like you're doing an amazing job. I found it all very difficult when my kids were very young, even with a partner so please don't doubt yourself. Things will get easier.

I'm not a lone parent so didn't have it so tough but I found things got substantively easier after age 2 (maybe 2.5). Still full on but less like a relentlessly destructive hurricane. 18 months is so, so hard

Hi. I've been a lone parent since DS was 10 months. Yes, it gets easier. Toddlers are hard work, for me it was the most difficult stage of parenting. As they get older, you start getting a little bit of freedom back. My DS is 15 now. Of course that comes with its own set of challenges, but he can dress himself and get himself to school, I can now go to the gym or go out for lunch with friends without having to worry about childcare, it makes all the difference.

Is it worth looking at investigation for postnatal depression/anxiety? It doesn't have to occur directly after birth.

I do of course recognise that toddlers are hard work, that's a completely understandable response to a difficult time of life, but worrying about whether they are happy because they can't speak much yet is slightly different, and I wonder if this is more something like an anxiety response? Assuming this child is not unusually unhappy (e.g. very whiny, very clingy, prone to more than the usual tantrums, sleeping/eating problems etc).

I was a completely lone parent, no involvement from DS dad at all (his choice), and it definitely gets easier. Second what someone else said about getting a good network of babysitters. DS is 10 now, and he's a bloody joy. I genuinely love hanging out with him - he's funny and bright, and we are so close. I know we are heading into the tricky teenage years, but I'm hopeful we have a good foundation of respect and open communication to help us get through it.
Anyway, toddler years are hard. I remember being lonely. Also had to do everything myself. But I promise it gets easier. Hang in there.

It DEFINITELY gets easier, for me from about 2.5. Hang in there, 15 months is a very hard age. You can't take your eyes off them, the whinging is at peak level because they don't have a lot of words to communicate their needs/frustrations. It feels relentless. It will absolutely get easier. And from about 2.5 it gets really fun, they are really funny and cute at that age.

I too was a lone parent with no help from the dad or from my family.

It was so difficult and there were times I barely got through it but it does definitely get easier.

I found changing my mindset helped.
Instead of thinking how unlucky I was I started thinking how lucky I was that I had full control and didn’t have to worry about compromising with their dad about things.

I read threads on here and thank god I was a single parent.

I did have PND and if you find yourself very tearful and stressed then it may be worth checking with your gp, as if you have a chemical imbalance like depression then it makes everything more difficult.

I would give anything to go back and start again so I can appreciate it more, instead of just thinking what a struggle it was.