Single parent - dilemma?

[unwlrthy]

I am a single parent, I get a decent chunk of maintenance but ex has never changed a nappy, seen dc twice (he’s 2) and I do EVERYTHING alone, no family to help.

If I continue to work five days a week, I could afford private school for dc. If I drop to four days I won’t. But I am exhausted. I feel horrendous having no time to myself at all and was recently thinking about leaving dc in nursery all week and dropping to four days, so I had some time.

There’s no option for condensed hours. I don’t know what to do. If I drop a day now, I won’t get it back up again and the company is good to work for.

That would be a no brained for me. 4 days and think of my wellbeing too.

Why is private school necessary?

I would go to 4 days now, back to 5 once he starts (state) school properly and then if its what you both want move to private for secondary.

Keep in mind though that the CM could stop at anytime and you should never rely on it for maintaining your lifestyle.

I really wouldn’t worry about private school.

I think 4 dpw is a no brainer in your situation. I work 4 dpw and it makes my life so much easier (and that’s with a present and fairly hands on dh)

4 days and a decent quality of life. State education and be there in your day off for shared learning, trips, sports etc. Plus time to yourself, see friends..

State school for primary and possibly private for secondary if it’s still an option then.

Private school is not a magical solution to everything. And I say that as someone whose three children went through the system. Believe me, they're not perfect.

Go easy on yourself. 4 days and state school

And it's not just the school fees. Expensive uniforms, trips and often books have to be paid on top.

I would definitely do four days and state school. You would have a better quality of life and would be around more for DC. I would take that over private school any day.

Have a look into your local state schools so you can feel reassured that you've made a good choice. As you may know, not all private schools are good and committing to state school now doesn't mean you can't switch later if circumstances change.

In your case, 4 days and state. You can always go down the private route when your child is older and less demanding.

If it's that tight by 1 day working then it doesn't sound like private would be comfortable for you. You could do the 4 days, do state primary and save half the fees to one side to do state secondary or y5

There's so much to unpack here - you say it's a good company to work for but doesn't offer any flexibility on hours I.e compressed hours or changes in circumstances- you've said if you go to 4 days you can't go back up to 5? That's the most bizarre thing I've ever heard. On that basis I'd be looking at jobs elsewhere that do offer what I need.

I also don't get why 5 days = private school and 4 days means that's out of the question- if I drop a day in my job I lose circa 15k a year - that's not enough to fund private school anyway with all the add ons.

Your child is 2 - do what's right for now and re think your inflexible company.

Definitely 4 days and state for a better quality of life for you both.

4 days and a good state school.

If your ex quits/loses his job, you'll be down a part of your household income

You don’t need private school.

4 days and state. Move house if need be.

Finding a sustainable way to keep the show on the road is vital for your daughter's sake. All too often people sacrifice their mental health slowly, by erosion, until things all fall apart. She'll get more of your time, energy and attention if you look after yourself.

Private school not worth it if you really can't afford it.

93% of children in the U.K. are state educated (although you could be forgiven for thinking it's much more from reading MN).

If you can only just stretch to private school for primary, you can't afford it. And I promise you that your child will much, much prefer to have more of your time and energy