To think true happiness is sometimes impossible?

[mrsdrablowsbittersister]

I have depression and take a high dose of prozac daily. Will do for the rest of my life I expect. But it still doesn't stop me feeling pretty shit a lot of the time. I spend a lot of the time wanting to hurt myself, or take a big enough overdose to knock me out for a few days. I fantasise about killing myself but wouldn't do it as I have children. I'm not a danger to myself or anything, but I do spend a considerable amount of time being miserable and I can't think of a single point in my life where I've been truly happy for more than a week or so. It feels impossible at this point. Has anyone else had this realisation? My DP thinks I'm insane but I feel like this is maybe quite normal.

I used to think like that until I got onto the right meds.

One of the odd things about depression is that it makes you forget the good things and only remember the bad ones. So your perspective gets more skewed to bad.

Keep going with the meds and therapy. It can get better but it is a long road. Sometimes just hanging in there is enough.

I agree that true happiness isn't an every day thing. On a day to day basis most people feel ok to indifferent, just plodding on so to speak.

Wanting to hurt yourself, suicidal ideation etc tips this balance though and good your on medication. I felt like this a number of yours ago and in all honesty what truly helped me was a number of things over the space a few years

• CBT
• Educating myself on 'normal' moods etc on a population level and realizing I was unhappy as my expectations of how I should feel were wrong
• Reading a book called ?the happiness trap.....solidified the above
• Ruby waxes neurophysiology/psychiatry books are absolutely fab
• Challenging my low by keeping a mood diary and having objective evidence thoughts were directly affected by hormonal shifts through the months (often recurrent suicidal ideation 7-10 days prior to period - now known as pmdd).

Have you had specific therapy, tried different meds, kept a mood diary, though about hormonal affects or explored the feeling of 'miserableness'? I am someone who will always need meds, Prozac being my drug of choice to! But I am definately happier now and the big change was really managing my expectations and being kinder to myself.

Of course you might be perfectly fine with how you are as that's you, but it doesn't sound like it?

Should add I have had depression from being very young so thought how I was was just me and that was it things would never change

Don't aim for happiness - that's an active state & impossible to maintain for any length of time. The media / social convention has sold all of us a dummy by suggesting we should be happy all0 the time. I aim to not be discontentment most of the time & that's lot easier.

@SlB09 I love your post. Gave me food for thought

It actually makes it a bit easier to realise that there is no such thing as true happiness. Happiness is an emotional state and all emotional states are transient in the absence of severe mental ill health. Literally aiming to aim to get through one day at a time and experiencing at least five minutes of calm or contentment can be a step in the right direction.

What does happiness look like to you op? I wonder how realistic it is. Today I have spent about five minutes actively happy (when someone I was worried about finally picked up the phone) about 10 minutes laughing (watching that terrible programme Benidorm) and the rest of the day either traumatising myself (bingeing on Happy Valley), or just calmly cleaning the house and batch cooking. Is that so different from most people? I certainly have never been happy constantly for a whole week like you describe.

I've never been happy either. Felt that way since being a small child.

I know I'm a bit of a misery but today when I came back from emptying the bin my 3yr old was sat on the stairs waiting for me and said 'mummy, are you fed up of life?'. She frequently asks me if I'm happy. I don't want her to end up like me - she finds joy in the world but at her age I didn't so I still have hope that I won't affect her life the way my mum did to me.

My DP isn't a 'happy' person either but I think he finds joy in things more easily than I do.