AIBU MIL

[Jackie994]

MIL is offended because I asked her to let us know what’s she’s buying DS to save having two of everything. Last week she’d let me know she’d brought a scooter for DS - I said thank you however we had brought him one but would be handy to keep at her house for him to use. Fast forward to Friday she has come round with helmet/accessories to see DS already had a helmet again I said thank you however it’d be best to ask in future before buying. She has then told DP that she is offended by what we’ve said… AIBU? I just want to buy my DS what I want, when I want. I shouldn’t be running it past MIL before doing so incase she wanted to buy it

Rinse and repeat. Some MILs forget they’re not the child’s mother.

YANBU but there's no need to have said it to her, that's the potentially offensive part. I'm sure she can see for herself that she's wasted her money without you pointing it out.

You’re not coparenting with MIL. Completely reasonable to ask her to check in with you before buying stuff for your child.

This is why Amazon wish lists are a good idea. Make one and tell her to pick things from it.

If she continues to ignore you, well it’s her money so let her waste it. Just keep the extras at your house or donate to a charity shop.

Sorry that should be she keeps the extras at her house or donate to a charity shop.

You can't police how people buy gifts. Some people don't want to check in or engage over what presents they buy. Some people want a list to pick from. Some people find lists offensive or too much work to create. Just leave her to it and if she double up say thanks. She'll either start asking you what to get or she'll give gift receipts.

Just pass it to her back and say she best just get a refund...

I understand I can’t police how people buy gifts but equally I don’t want her wasting her money and I don’t have places just to store gifts when she could just ask if we needed something or whether we have it without causing great offense

You are not being unreasonable. Your MIL doesn't run the fucking show. She needs to learn this sharpish.

He is her little grandson - the darling child of her darling child. Let her buy what she wants. Be thankful she loves him enough to buy him things and never try to police her again. My MIL and I agree on very little, but I leave it be because she worships the ground my son walks on. Enjoy it, don’t fight it!

I totally get it's annoying RE doubling up but it's a risk you run really. I do tend to ask if there's anything in particular my nieces want or need but I love seeing something I think they'll like & getting it for them. There's a good chance someone else might have bought the same but also a good chance they haven't.

It can seem a waste of someone else's money and it's good that you care but that's their call to make.

You’ve told her to check with you first - a very reasonable thing to do, especially when as a grandparent she might be buying an expensive gift. If she doesn’t want to listen then that’s her choice and she is actually putting her own nose out of joint. I’m assuming you’ve said the same to your own mum.

She probably buys stuff on impulse. I get it can be annoying but of its something like a helmet she cns either get a refund, keep it at her house as a spare or give to a good cause. It's her problem just make sure she doesn't leave it with you.
My MIL does this sometimes because she loves buying her only grandchild stuff. I tend to just try to limit what comes here.

Jeez, you sound lovely.

Thank you. I am.

Uh, no. Boundaries are healthy, and Grandma doesn’t trump parents.