Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do you call this behaviour?

20 replies

JMSA · 07/05/2023 22:12

I was in the living room 5 minutes ago with two of my daughters, one of whom was my 13 year old with her hamster. We are all extremely fond of the little guy! My 13 year old accidentally dropped him and I shrieked. It was just an initial reaction to what had happened, because I was shocked and worried about him.
13 year old was furious with me and completely defensive, saying I had totally overreacted. She stomped off to his cage and put the hamster straight back inside, with me telling her that she should hold him first to offer a bit of comfort. She ignored this and stormed into her room.
I know it's a really small thing, but her lack of responsibility has really bothered me. Maybe I did overreact, but her first concern should have been for her pet (he's fine) rather than her own feelings.
AIBU? I want to chat to her about it, but don't know how to approach. My other daughter has said that she's embarrassed at being told off (I did tell her to be more careful with him) and that I should give her some space.
AIBU?

OP posts:
rainyskylight · 07/05/2023 22:17

Did you offer to comfort the hamster to calm it down after screaming? Poor thing.

Original poster
JMSA · 07/05/2023 22:18

I did go and comfort him, and gave him some treats. At no point did I scream.

OP posts:
theGooHasGone · 07/05/2023 22:21

She's the one who dropped him. An inadvertent shriek doesn't seem like an unreasonable reaction. I suspect she's just acting out because it made her look silly.

junebirthdaygirl · 07/05/2023 22:21

You probably frightened her with the shriek and now she needs comfort. Don't give her any lectures. She feels bad enough already. As she is moving into teens she may hate the fuss and also feeling you don't trust her . Just leave her be.

Blablablanamechangagain · 07/05/2023 22:21

I reckon she actually does feel bad, but you startled her and she's playing it "cool" by huffing off. Hopefully she's sat in her room mortified.

If she's generally caring and loving towards other people/pets/animals etc I wouldn't worry too much.

Original poster
JMSA · 07/05/2023 22:21

Ok, thank you for your replies.

OP posts:
PinkFootstool · 07/05/2023 22:22

Sounds like she's embarrassed and striking back to defend herself rather than acknowledge the mistakes....

PimpMyFridge · 07/05/2023 22:28

Your reaction was fear+surprise (fear for hamster).
Your reaction was not a commentary on who was to blame or even whether any blame was due.
She was shocked by the fall and the reaction and responded in an emotionally messy but age appropriate way.

Just have a chat when things are calmer.
Say some reactions are involuntary and not to be taken personally, you're sorry if your reaction added to the upset she must have felt and you can see why that was.

Say that you understand her emotions were high given event+reaction but you wanted to chat through what happened to reflect and consider how next time things might be different for the better (and your are going to do this too as you need to stay calm when something like that happens) - and now or is all over, you'd like her to consider the important thing is to care for her pet first and then sort out the emotions after and keep that in mind for any similar event next time, explain that this is part of taking responsibility (give a few examples of when action is taken and then emotions were given their space).

Have it as a two way chat, no blame.

Original poster
JMSA · 07/05/2023 22:34

Thank you! I don't think I have ever loved a rodent this much in my life Blush He's just the best!
Had a quick chat with daughter too and we're fine.

OP posts:
Original poster
JMSA · 07/05/2023 22:41

A sweet story to balance out the negativity: when we first went to the pet shop for her to choose the hamster (18 months ago now), hers was the biggest baby hamster by far. In fact, he's a bit of a lump Grin My daughter picked him because she felt sure that other children would choose the cute, tiny baby hamsters. And didn't want him to be left behind.
It was a good decision, as he's the loveliest hamster I have ever known.

OP posts:
Tinyant · 07/05/2023 23:08

She’s just a teenager and probably feeling hormonal and irritated at you😄

Original poster
JMSA · 07/05/2023 23:11

Tinyant · 07/05/2023 23:08

She’s just a teenager and probably feeling hormonal and irritated at you😄

No change there then 🙄Grin

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 07/05/2023 23:51

Are you alike? It's sounds like you've both had a similar emotional response and it's just played out differently. You've had a shock and couldnt help but shriek. Your shrieking (on top of dropping Hammy) has alarmed her doubley and she couldn't help going into defensive mode.
She does care about the hamster.

MasterBeth · 08/05/2023 00:08

I am aghast that you went to “comfort” the animal before you went to comfort your daughter.

tailinthejam · 08/05/2023 00:15

Totally typical reaction from a teenager who knows they are in the wrong.

Original poster
JMSA · 08/05/2023 00:26

MasterBeth · 08/05/2023 00:08

I am aghast that you went to “comfort” the animal before you went to comfort your daughter.

Daughter hadn't sustained potential injury, so could wait a few minutes.

OP posts:
QueenBitch666 · 08/05/2023 02:18

Poor hamster. I hope he's ok. Those little guys are fragile. He could have broken a limb

PimpMyFridge · 08/05/2023 08:28

Glad it is sorted. Hamster and DD both sound lovely. 😁

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 08/05/2023 08:55

That sounds like normal 13 year old behaviour to me.

SoupDragon · 08/05/2023 09:06

MasterBeth · 08/05/2023 00:08

I am aghast that you went to “comfort” the animal before you went to comfort your daughter.

Do normal stroppy teens need comforting?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread