Train set man

[grassverge]

we have recently moved to a new street. Not really met neighbours yet except to say good morning. Street party today. My DH took our autistic 7 year old. I stayed home with poorly Dc3. DH chatted with neighbours. DS7 ran about with kids. All good.

DS7 told me this evening that a man (probably 70s) took him into his house alone to look at his train set. My DH says that neighbours had talked about the man’s train set and how impressive it was but had no idea that DS7 had gone into the man’s house alone to look at it with him. I am very upset. DH is very upset with himself for not watching DS7 every second. DS7 has had a big lecture about going with strangers.

I am very unhappy and feel I should do something but what?

Say something to who? Your DH for not minding his son? The neighbour?

Maybe the neighbour. Along the lines of don’t invite my child into your house alone to see your train set.

I would write a note to say in this day and age it is not appropriate to invite a child into his house without the consent of the parents, and that he could be placing himself at risk of accusations by doing so. I had an elderly neighbour like this who banged on my bathroom window while I was having a shower because he wanted to ask me something about plants - I let him know that it was frightening and he apologised profusely.

Why don’t you ask if you can see it, that way you can see how you feel about the man ?

Why don't you thank him for showing your DS his train set but explain that you don't want him to invite DS into his house again without having your or DH's express permission to that particular visit.

I think the people you need to talk to most are your DH for not watching DS properly, and your DS about how he must never go into anybody’s house / allow an adult to take him anywhere alone without asking one of you first, even if that person says it’s okay.

A chat with the neighbour along similar lines, not one accusing him of being a paedophile, would be fine: “we’re teaching DS that he must never go into anybody’s house / allow an adult to take him anywhere alone without asking one of us first, even if that person says it’s okay, so we’d really appreciate everyone supporting that.”

You honestly want to have this conversation with your neighbour? I wouldn’t. I’d just endure it couldn’t happen again.

Ensure

Firstly I’d be telling my DH to be more careful next time and secondly I’d be talking to my DS to remind him never to go into people’s houses unless you have said it’s ok.
I wouldn’t be talking to the neighbour at all, he’s done nothing wrong except be a little naive maybe.

I'd tackle this by being I'm sorry ds 7 put you on the spot there asking to see the train set I'm afraid he doesn't understand boundaries very well. Hopefully you/ DH can see the train set with DS in future as it might be something he wants to revisit. We have a garden railway and it isn't unusual for children to turn up uninvited we try to be welcoming but cautious obviously most parents hit the roof and treat us like absolute freaks as a result, and we have kids of our own.