To ditch friends that are constantly moaning and negative?

[Supernova23]

I have one particular friend where nothing is ever good enough, who moans about EVERYTHING, and is generally just a misery. I try and support her but it’s taking its toll on me too and I find being around her increasingly challenging on my own mental health. I just text her about her housing situation (she’s looking to sell up), with a helpful suggestion, only to be met with another moaning passive aggressive text. I really can’t do it any more. AIBU to phase out contact with her?

I do give people like that a wide berth. I’m sure your friend must be on MN. Loads of moaners.

Step back, I had a friend like this she drained the life out of me every day she was constantly coming round or texting about moans and would do nothing about it. Now I just say a quick hello if I see her and don't give her a chance to go into further detail.

My MIL is also like this but we see her daily, she's really effecting mine and dhs mental health. She's next on the list to be cut off if she carries on the way she's going, always a victim it's soul destroying.

I just began saying I was busy (which brought its own criticism). But I'd literally need days to recover after seeing these people.

I wonder if such people are aware of how they’re perceived. Of course it would be good to make them aware but I think most of these people would just be defensive and not see themselves as the issue.

I have a friend like this and I am utterly exhausted with her misery. She is so negative about everything and always comparing her life to others and a jealous person. She makes me feel guilty for having a normal life. She also has a very difficult teenager DS who refuses to go to school, shout and kicks off if he doesn't get his own way. I have always been their for her but recently found out she has been bad mouthing me to another friend. I feel hurt by this but will just distance myself. I won't cause any upset by letting her know, I know but I will say I am busy if She want to meet up. I am not doing this anymore and after 15 years it is a kick in the teeth. She has a nice life but she doesn't see this and over the years the awful thing is, it has affected her DS.

I believe these people are called emotional vampires! They will drain you dry with their negative energy and you come away from every interaction feeling utterly exhausted.

A bit of moaning is normal and we all feel fed up sometimes but their constant need to be a victim of circumstances paired with their refusal to do anything constructive about it whilst simultaneously shooting down and belittling every suggestion you make is entirely different. I won’t have people in my life like that anymore. It’s not healthy and you end up feeling like their emotional rubbish bin where they just dump all of their negativity onto you with no reciprocal support because usually if you dare complain about anything they will have always had it “worse” and the conversation inevitably goes back to their woe is me tiny violin playing act.

My life has significantly improved since I cut those people out. It’s now filled with lovely supportive friends and whilst we all still have our down days, we also have fun and my own mental health has improved because of it.

DUMP THEM! you won’t regret it.

No they aren’t. Plus if you point it out to them even kindly, they’ll use it as another reason to play their victim card and then they’ll be telling others about how their rude friend cruelly attacked them and how mean you have been to them. Then you just become another reason for them to moan endlessly to others.

The main friend I'm referring to is self-aware to a point. When things reached a head she'd always apologise and seem to show insight. But she'd go right back to her old behaviours. She was also always late when we met, would become very volatile if you couldn't reply to a message quickly enough, very up and down moods, jealous, argumentative. It felt like being with an abusive boyfriend...but as a friend.

"She makes me feel guilty for having a normal life"

Yes! Said friend kicked off at me when I said I was running into Pret to but a sandwich (over the phone) because it was too expensive for her so she cpuld never go.

It left me always feeling on eggshells and unable to be open about my day.

Reading these replies are interesting because there seems to be a distinct pattern that along with the constant negativity/ whining also comes rageful jealousy of others and the bitching and criticising others too.

Geez these people really are miserable, unpleasant fckers aren’t they?

I e got one like this currently. She's draining! It's awful isn't it OP, the trauma dumping is only manageable for so long before I start twitching 🤦‍♀️ I need strategies to deal with this, without being mean, but I just can't deal with it for much longer!