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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DS10 talks to me like I’m shit - am I to blame?

15 replies

Amimessingthisup · 07/05/2023 14:29

My DS10 has become really snarky in his responses to me. If I don’t hear what he says, he loses his temper and refuses to repeat what he has said.

I often get sarcastic, sullen, teenage type responses if I ask him anything.

I worry that it might be my fault. MY DS is very loud and high energy, and sometimes I lose my temper with him, answer him in an annoyed fashion when he asks something for the 20th time. Is he mirroring my behaviour? Or is he being a teenager?

AIBU or is DS??

OP posts:

UnbeIievabIe · 07/05/2023 14:30

I think you've answered your own question!

Glasshalffullorempty · 07/05/2023 14:31

He’s being a teenager

CouldIHaveThatInEnglishPlease · 07/05/2023 14:32

Bit of both really. You are his role model, it is you he watches and learns how to behave and respond.

Nimbostratus100 · 07/05/2023 14:33

not normal behaviour, and he will only behave like that is you let him so dont let him

starbabys · 07/05/2023 14:34

I have a dd who is 10 so not exactly the same, she is going through puberty but would never speak to me In that way. I would guess he is copying you

stayathomer · 07/05/2023 14:36

Same here with the bit of both but you need to have a chat and tell him you’re trying to keep your cool and him talking to you like that feels horrible. I generally say ‘would you honestly like a friend of yours to talk to you like that?’ and ‘I think we both need to learn how to not jump at each other like that’ Best of luck op, I have 4 boys, aged 8 to 15, and am struggling with the younger two been more teenagery than the elder two at times and I’m not willing for them to be like that!

MushMonster · 07/05/2023 14:39

I think he may have some extra hormones going around.
But.... stop replying sharply to him when he asks something.
My (teenage) daughter does this (being snarky most of the time) and I am finding myself actually copying her at times, because it is beyond annoying. She gets all upset lol
Stop the cycle, cut him some slack (maybe testosterone starting to increase) and wait till he turns into a full on teen lol
That is fun!

Sunflowers80 · 07/05/2023 14:41

Maybe but but sometimes no matter how you behave or what you do kids behave badly or in a way we don't understand or want.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 07/05/2023 14:41

I mean, he's not a teenager - he's 10.

That doesn't mean he's not going through hormonal changes, but if you're often sharp and short-tempered with him, it's hardly surprising that he's started being the same with you.

tallcypowder · 07/05/2023 14:41

Sunflowers80 · 07/05/2023 14:41

Maybe but but sometimes no matter how you behave or what you do kids behave badly or in a way we don't understand or want.

This exactly

Lovepeaceunderstanding · 07/05/2023 14:42

In every exchange we have with our children we teach them how to handle life. Be the person you would wish your son to be, make sure to notice good behaviour. X

Original poster

Amimessingthisup · 07/05/2023 14:43

Thanks all- to be clear, I don’t often answer him harshly. It’s more when I’m at the end of my tether. Most of the time I’m very patient!

I just worry he’s doing this at 10. His dad is not the best person to co parent with and I sometimes his lack of respect to me wears off on DS.

OP posts:

Original poster

Amimessingthisup · 07/05/2023 14:47

Have read all comments- some really good advice. Thank you

going to take some deep breaths and keep calm!

OP posts:

YouCould · 07/05/2023 14:53

You can't possibly know. He may have been better or he may have been worse. There are too many variables.
Have you other kids? If so what are they like?
I never lost my temper or was sharp with my kids and they were never stroppy or rude as teens. They could be selfish and unthinking at times though. I like to think it was because of my brilliant parenting 😌 but I know that would be ridiculous. You just can't tell. I'm not hot headed so I guess it's not surprising my kids aren't. I always put a lot of emphasis on manners and I always gave them time and opportunities to have their own opinions and to disagree with me. I also let them make a lot of their own decisions in life such as studying or time management. It meant I wasn't having to nag them and also that they got used to being responsible for their own actions. I think it helped that they were fairly similar personalities so it was just the norm to behave well in our family.
Do you have a partner or spouse? How do you treat each other?

Having said all that it can just be your kid and his personality.

diddl · 07/05/2023 15:02

It possibly is a bit of both.

Being constantly asked the same thing is annoying.

Does he forget that he asked or is he trying to wear you down?

As kids we were told not to ask again nor ask the other parent as the answer would be the same!

If I don’t hear what he says, he loses his temper and refuses to repeat what he has said.

That is horrible.

Presumably what he has said isn't important-or him wanting something or he would repeat it!

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