Leaving other people's kids at home

[HappyKoala56]

DD is 12yo. She has arranged for a friend to come over today and she has just arrived. I need to walk the dog which will take about 45 minutes. Is it wrong to leave the two girls here alone for that length of time? DD is at home alone for short periods fairly regularly (i.e. She comes home from school and I'm often at work for a couple of hours. My 14yo is normally here too, but on occasions he has after school clubs or meeting friends so 12yo is here on her own etc) so I'm not worried about her, I just don't know what the done thing is when friends are involved. If it makes a difference I don't know the mum or have her number, the kids have sorted the meet up themselves. AIBU to take the dog out? Or should I leave it until the friend goes home?

I’d go if I were you, as it’s normal to leave your own child, just make sure you are contactable

My daughter is 12. It's a funny age for this sort of thing. I wouldn't leave them without asking the other mum first.

It's different when they get a bit older (my son is 15 so I leave him and his friends at home without checking with their parents first). But at 12 some parents might worried about their child being unsupervised in a strange house. Also, the child might not like it.

Can you ask the girl for her mum's number?

Take the kids with you. Why can’t you walk walk the dog together?

If she is sensible, as is the friend and you have your phone so they can contact you, its fine.

It's fine, 12yr old can be left for a few hours. No issue.

Ask them if they'd like to come and walk the dog with you...or if they prefer chilling at the house. Then if the friend isn't keen on being left, there is another option on offer. I suspect they will want to chill and hang out together at the house!

Secondary age and I'd assume I could leave them for under two hours in the daytime. Or ask the child if she's normally allowed? Can she phone her mum herself if not sure?

If they were primary age I'd check with the parent first or ask the child to and show me the text.

It may well be fine but it is that grey kind of age from 10-14 when different parents have very different ideas, and DC mature at different speeds.
I'd ask the other child to check with their parent.

I’m always a bit cautious about this because other parents may have different rules for good reason and I don’t like to assume. I would ask the child if they have been left home alone by their parent(s). Ideally I’d check directly with the parent(s).

Are they in Y8? At 12 I have left mine at home with a friend before. I have also left my younger DC home with a friend for 20 mins but I did check with their mum first (but was pretty sure that it would be ok).

It’s a good chance for you to get the other kid’s mum’s number, which is never any harm to have. I always texted the other parent to check the arrangements are ok with them before sending my kid to their house - although now I usually just text if it’s a sleepover. My kid has recently turned 16!!!

Absolutely fine!

Best to call the girls mum and ask her imo.

I would leave my 12 year old for that length of time. I wouldn’t leave someone else’s 12 year old without explicitly asking the parent first. Some people, for whatever reason, might not be ok with it. If you can’t ask the other parent take the kids on the dog walk with you. Or walk the dog later.

If the child has travelled to you independently, you are sure her DM knows where she is and didn't feel the need to contact you/swop numbers I can't see an issue with leaving them. The friends mum hasn't exactly handed over care to you, she's allowed her 12 year old to go out.

This happens me a lot with 10 yr old as local kids call in but I need to pop out to collect another. I usually send a text asking if they are OK and always have received a yes. 1 neighbours kid is a little younger so I send my child into her house and text to explain. I have a rule that they are not allowed use the trampoline while I'm out or invite another child in whose parents I have not been in touch with. They also know if there was a genuine emergency they can call on a neighbour or run to the other child's house.

I would leave my (very nearly 12) Y7 no issues. I wouldn't leave him and a friend unless I knew the parents were OK with it.

Actually, seeing the comment about if the girls has got there independently, I think that poster is right.
If Mum trusts her to go to a friend's alone, she'll likely be ok to have her home alone, and you going for a dog walk is ok.

Of course a 12 year old can be left for 45 minutes! If they can't their parent has done something really wrong! At that age my DH was taking two buses across town to school both ways. I had been playing out on my own for years, and my mum had a full time job so was on my own after school for a couple of hours.

Children that age are too old for childcare but the government think the main carer of 12 year olds should be working full time if they claim UC. So the government obviously think they are old enough too!

Get the friend to call and ask her parents or ask for a number so you can message and check then you'll know for sure.

I agree. The child was not left in your care so is not your responsibility. She may have told her mum which friend she was going to or she may just have said 'a friend' or be trusted to be out for the day. She could walk home or call her mum to be picked up if she wanted to.

My son is also 12. He is OK with short periods of time by himself, but he's knows which neighbours he can go to if there is a problem. His friend, also 12 isn't allowed to our house if there isn't an adult there. Though strangely this boy is allowed to the park on his own. I'd want to know the parent was happy with their child being unattended by adults in the house. I know that boys that age egg each other on to do dangerous things though. Girls maybe more sensible though.

To walk the ddog fine. At 12 my dd was invited for a sleepover. Had no idea the dps were off out and the 2 girls were left babysitting a baby and a toddler.. I was fuming. .

Age isn't the most important aspect. How well do you know the child, are they sensible? Any special needs? Any challenging behaviour?

My dd is asd but it's not overly obvious unless you really interact. I would not expect her to be left alone and at 12 I wouldn't feel the need to tell someone this.

Ds14 had a friend over recently, first half hour was fine then he got more and more excitable which ended with being rather distructive and we had to call parents. House would have been trashed if I hadn't been there.

Generally. I would say always check what they are allowed to do. In my son's group some kids roam the streets with occasional check-ins, and another isn't allowed anywhere without an adult, and is not allowed to be home alone at all. If you know the parent you find out and respect their wishes. Although I would be confused (angry?) if a parent was happy for their child to be with me, without even knowing me or giving me any details, and then was annoyed by the way a I parented their child.