To ask who is funding the legal fees

[beliveinlifeafterlove]

Just that really.

My ExDH was financially and emotionally abusive. We have one DD 20 months.

We are currently going through financial disclosure.

I've been trying to keep legal fees as low as possible. If we can't reach an agreement on a financial settlement, I want to conserve legal funds for the child arrangement order and seek to go home in August 2025. At this stage a 50/50 custody arrangement will no longer be possible. ExDH lives 90 minutes away. I'd have access to affordable housing and my first choice of school in my home country. It's only a one hour flight away and I chose a town, a 15 minute drive from an international airport to facilitate visitation twice monthly and in the longer school holidays. Our fixed term mortgage rate ends in 2025 , making it a good time to move on many separate fronts.

ExDh has refused my proposal to move permanently back to our home country without providing any alternative option.

I have no family at all in the UK. My mum relocated here from our home country to support DD and I in August. I was advised to prepare multiple options for mediation so as not to place all my eggs in one basket.

My mum had provided free childcare two days a week (his parents look after DD the other three) and I resumed work full time in an attempt to make it possible to buy exDH out and remain in the UK. ExDH and his legal counsel led me to believe he was considering my offer.

Unfortunately since financial disclosure exDH has made no attempt to negotiate. He stated on his form that he wanted the marital home sold with equity split 50/50. He was also dishonest in his formE. He did not deducted the costs of sale or penalty for breaking the mortgage fixed term. This is despite working in financial services and our mediator having previously walked us through the process for calculating equity. He provided no information on his pension.

exDH has been pursuing a financial order through the courts using an expensive law firm. His family are wealthy. He has significantly downplayed the financial support they give him. They gifted him £45000 during. £30000 was supposed to be a "wedding gift" which he kept entirely for himself but that's another story. There were no payments to the law firm in his bank statements. The first court hearing is coming up within a month.

Am I entitled to ask who is paying his legal fees?

It's absolutely nonsensical to me, that instead of acknowledging his families wealth (they could have simply gifted him
the £20k we're quibbling over and let us all move on with our reasonable needs met), he would prefer to pay legal counsel to pursue a fruitless legal battle where costs will easily out weight the equity in the house. He (and his family) have a destructive level of self pride and my beautiful DD will be the biggest loser in all of this.

Seeking legal advice on Tuesday but any advice in the meantime would be very much appreciated.

If it's not a loan or from his savings then he doesn't have to inform you on the form E who is paying his legal fees.

You know he's from a rich family do it is likely one of his parents paying the legal firm and barristers directly.

I would ask he has a bank account he hasn’t declared because you don’t understand how he is paying his legal fees. And go through those statements with a fine tooth comb - if he is living independently, is he lying gas, electric, water, council tax? How much is he spending in supermarkets? How much cash withdrawal is he making and does it add up with what you know about your his lifestyle?

If you are arguing over £20k I would walk away. £200k is worth the fight. Don’t get caught up in the morality of it all. Save your sanity for what really matters.

Asking about any other bank accounts is a good idea.

He is living with his parents. I have gone through his statements with a fine tooth comb and there isn't a single supermarket shop (literally nothing above £3.50) spent at Sainsbury's. He clearly hasn't so much as bought nappies for DD in the time she spends there.

I have been trying to settle this out of court. I can't offer him any more money and afford to keep the house. It's a fruitless endeavour on his part but he can be easily blinkered by self pride.

Is he obliged in financial disclosure to disclose assistance from family? It's an indirect line of income.

Can I ask for this information at the first hearing?

The issue is, he has significantly downplayed the considerable financial support his family provide. If I can show that they are financing a fruitless legal battle (the intention of which I believe is simply to cause me stress and psychological harm), I can show how dishonest he is (once again).

Is he obliged in financial disclosure to disclose assistance from family? It's an indirect line of income

My mum.paid.my legal fees directly - his barrister queried how I was affording it in court. The response was accepted by the judge. Of course, that opened up a can of worms.for him....!

Good luck. It is very hard. Hopefully his solicitor will help him see sense.

What do you mean when you say "that opened up a can of words for him?"

Sadly , my ex is not very bright and his solicitors seem happy take his money and suggest fruitless legal proceedings.

When I tried to restart settlement negotiations, his solicitors response was to bring forward the second hearing. She offered to "prepare my bundle for me" and lots of the documents.

I'm not a solicitor but I could recognise this was not in my best interest. I want to keep this out of court - not expedite proceedings!

I want to keep legal costs down and settle out of court if possible. There simply isn't enough equity in the house to make court worthwhile.

Sadly my ex's approach can be summed up by this picture