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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends toddler

32 replies

SpringHexagon · 07/05/2023 09:23

This is more of a wwyd I think, I'm getting a little fed up.
I meet my friend a few times a week for toddler groups, soft play, or walks to the park. Friend has a 3 year old son and 1.5 year old daughter, my daughter hasn't long turned 1.
My friend's son will push his sister over, run up behind her and throw himself on her so that she falls and he lands on her, he throws stones at his mum and sister, tries to draw on my dogs back with stones, pulls my dogs hair, acts like he is going to hold my daughters hand and pulls her fingers, uses hard plastic toys at the toddler groups to hit other toddlers, and actually slapped the back of my leg the other day.
I am a getting fed up with my own daughter and dog being hurt, and it is so horrid hearing his sister scream when he even starts to move in her direction.
My friend gives into him a lot, I get it must be hard trying to cope with 2 toddlers, but it really is making me not want to spend time with them anymore. Does anyone have any advice on how I can deal with this? If I try to tell him off I just get a blank stare and he runs off to do something else, so clearly still too young to comprehend.

OP posts:
SpringHexagon · 07/05/2023 10:34

We both work, and although i have help with childcare if I need time for things, she isn't as lucky as her partner has a very time consuming job and isn't around all the time, and neither of their parents are close by to help with childcare so she doesn't get any time to socialise without the kids.

OP posts:
SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 07/05/2023 10:41

SpringHexagon · 07/05/2023 10:34

We both work, and although i have help with childcare if I need time for things, she isn't as lucky as her partner has a very time consuming job and isn't around all the time, and neither of their parents are close by to help with childcare so she doesn't get any time to socialise without the kids.

If she can't meet you without having DS there, and you're not happy having him basically terrorising your DD and the DDog, then I think it is time to distance yourself.

hotpotlover · 07/05/2023 10:42

I wouldn't give up on the friendship, but just meet her without the kids.

Working and having no help with childcare is very hard and the situation with her toddler might be very hard for her and difficult to solve

SpringHexagon · 07/05/2023 10:49

I know, and agree. While kids are in childcare she is working and doesn't have much help outside of that. I do think she is struggling and doesn't know how to deal with his behaviour, I don't really know how to either as haven't much dealings with kids other than my own.

OP posts:
Angrywife · 07/05/2023 10:57

I would stop worrying about being gentle and start telling him off properly. Every time he tried something towards you or your daughter.
If he tries to hold her hand "no, you're not holding her hand until you stop pulling fingers, that hurts her"

If he tries to to in the toddler area "no, you're too big to come in here now and you hurt X" block his attempts to get in.

Treat everything he does the same way. If his mum won't parent him, you need to take control when it involves your daughter and being gentle or removing her isn't working.

It's then up to you if you step in concerning his treatment of his sister but I wouldn't be able to keep quiet and would step in then too. It's everyone's responsibility to keep children safe and maybe the mum needs some lessons on how to parent him. She might appreciate it and follow your lead

KvotheTheBloodless · 07/05/2023 11:22

I have a friend like that - her child is now 6, and still tries hurting my DS. She was my friend pre-DC, and will be my friend after our DC are grown up. When we meet, I stay within arm's reach of DS, and at the first sign of violence I intervene. It's quite full-on, but I suspect her DS has additional needs, and he's not my child. She can parent how she likes, so can I, and I will keep my DS safe - that way everyone's happy and we stay friends!

Eggseggseverywhere · 07/05/2023 11:27

My friend's ds was frankly a nightmare. She seemed unwilling to teach him the word no. He was worshiped by her dh and her and their dd inferior... So I did stop him bullying my dc. Why wouldn't I? She never said a word..

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