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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To quit before I’m sacked and take a few months to recover

15 replies

possiblyEndo · 06/05/2023 19:57

I have severe endometriosis. I’m now needing approximately 4 days off work each month. Sometimes up to 6 days. My manager is not happy. My GP says I shouldn’t need that much time off but I do….they are pushing therapies that aren’t what I want (as I’m ttc number 2).

Im honestly feeling like I’m going to get sacked and even if I don’t I want to have some time to just get better and look after myself. I’m always anaemic and in pain so much.

I would be able to claim carers allowance for my first dc who gets dla so I could have some time off and be bow to get UC. I’ve been struggling on and it’s just unbearable now

OP posts:
Original poster
possiblyEndo · 06/05/2023 19:58

*now able to get UC

OP posts:
BlooberryBiskits · 06/05/2023 20:12

I don’t think it is in your interests to resign financially. Could you just take sick leave instead?

rookiemere · 06/05/2023 20:14

I'm so sorry I have endometriosis and it's a nightmare. I had two surgeries and had to give up on the idea of DC2.
Can you go on birth control for a few months just to relieve the pain for a while ?

Original poster
possiblyEndo · 06/05/2023 20:15

BlooberryBiskits · 06/05/2023 20:12

I don’t think it is in your interests to resign financially. Could you just take sick leave instead?

My GP isn’t supportive . He’s pushing and pushing for me to take the recommendations of the gynaecologist but I’ve told them both that I’m trying to get pregnant ! They keep saying that the painkillers I’ve been prescribed should be helping and that I need to consider a coil or injections that will stop my periods for 6 months - neither of which I want.

My job is too physically demanding too I’m drained due to pain and anaemia and nobody seems to be sympathetic. I asked my manager could I have a few weeks office based arranging the care rotas instead but she declined . I just can’t manage under this pressure

OP posts:
Hubblebubble · 06/05/2023 20:16

Are you in a position to afford a private ablation surgery? A friend had it and it really changed her quality of life

FeelingLikeAShitMother · 06/05/2023 20:19

Hubblebubble · 06/05/2023 20:16

Are you in a position to afford a private ablation surgery? A friend had it and it really changed her quality of life

Pregnancy after ablation is not advised and is very high risk unfortunately.

Original poster
possiblyEndo · 06/05/2023 20:19

Hubblebubble · 06/05/2023 20:16

Are you in a position to afford a private ablation surgery? A friend had it and it really changed her quality of life

My plan is to (if I can) have dc2 and if I’m lucky enough to get pregnant I think I’d just have a hysterectomy afterwards as I’m sick of this pain. It’s ruining my life and I think I need to change gp too as he’s making me so angry dismissing all my symptoms

OP posts:
SpudsandGravy · 06/05/2023 20:19

OP, do some Googling to see whether this could amount to a Disability within the legislation. If so then your work will have a duty to make reasonable adjustments.

Boxbedbank · 06/05/2023 20:21

Different circumstances but when I was ill I was told not to resign by my union. Allow them to go through the process and dismiss you on health grounds (this is not the same as being sacked for other reasons) it then meant when I claimed benefits I had proof I was unfit for work (it in my case meant I could apply for ill health retirement too) also I got given some financial support from my union to cover a month's bills. Also if you go off sick and then dismissed on ill health grounds and have the right insurance with a mortgage you could get support from that to. I had a years mortgage payments payed which was a massive relief. Also going off on long-term sick might be best if you think you could get some treatment and improve. Also if your gp isn't understanding I'd look at seeing someone else.
I'd definitely consider getting advice for your circumstances.

whynotwhatknot · 06/05/2023 20:27

I wouldnt quit im sur that affects some benefits-just keep on for now if they sack you it would be more in your favour

juneybean · 06/05/2023 20:29

How long have you worked there? Ask to be referred to occupational health.

BlooberryBiskits · 06/05/2023 20:45

Hi OP - to follow up, I think @Boxbedbank is giving you good advice (I was bullied in a previous job and although I did not take sick leave this was suggested to me as one option when I was looking for advice)

can you switch to a different GP in your practice OR switch practices? I know it’s a lot when you are already stressed

Beautyhoard · 06/05/2023 21:24

Would you be willing to work those 4-6 days at other times in the month if your work would let you? Eg work 3 6 day weeks then a week off?

Quveas · 06/05/2023 21:38

SpudsandGravy · 06/05/2023 20:19

OP, do some Googling to see whether this could amount to a Disability within the legislation. If so then your work will have a duty to make reasonable adjustments.

That is highly unlikely. I have suffered endo and adenomyosis (now thankfully in the past) and whilst it's awful for a few days each month, that wouldn't be sufficient to constitute a disability. And that wouldn't mean that the employer had to make adjustments if they determined them to not be reasonable.

OP, I'd suggest that you do as advised by a pp - let them dismiss rather than resign. If you are satisfied that you can live on your partners wage, then taking some time out will probably be your best option if you have a child with a disability as well. Just be aware that you may not qualify for universal credit as your partners wages would be taken into account i believe.

imnotsadyouresad · 07/05/2023 00:16

Quveas · 06/05/2023 21:38

That is highly unlikely. I have suffered endo and adenomyosis (now thankfully in the past) and whilst it's awful for a few days each month, that wouldn't be sufficient to constitute a disability. And that wouldn't mean that the employer had to make adjustments if they determined them to not be reasonable.

OP, I'd suggest that you do as advised by a pp - let them dismiss rather than resign. If you are satisfied that you can live on your partners wage, then taking some time out will probably be your best option if you have a child with a disability as well. Just be aware that you may not qualify for universal credit as your partners wages would be taken into account i believe.

Show quote history

From what the OP has described, she has a condition that significantly makes her life worse for a few days each month and recurs each month. I assume she's had it for more than 12 months.

You don't have to be in constant pain with arthritis to have a disability. But it can be dishabilitating, go into remission and then become dishabilitating again.

If the effect is severe enough and it always reoccurs, it can be treated as a disability.

I would recommend self-referring to occupational health to see what reasonable adjustments they can suggest.

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