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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please be honest!

19 replies

mynaughtylittlesister · 18/02/2008 00:56

We are going to Spain in the Summer, in the south, I (and I mean I) have a very very close friend who lives about 4 - 5 hrs away from where we are staying, sent me a E mail today and told me that DH has got a week off and they would like to come and meet us.

No probs I here you say, except, that eldest DC has said no way, as last time one of DC tried to pull her shorts down!!!! as she was trying to go up stairs!

DH has also said no way as he can not tolerate badly behaved DC, and I have to be blunt the last time we were there it was quite obvious their DC had a behaviour problem - honestly my DC just stood and watched open mouthed, and were the best they have ever been! LITERALLY

Now my problem is my close friend is gorgeous, she really doesn't deserve the DC she has. I presume that most of her parenting problems are that her DH works very long hrs, plus when he is in a bad mood he is also like a child too.

My friend is absolutely gorgeous love her to bits, have lots of time for her etc!

Oh what do I do, I have to reply to her e mail!

OP posts:
Original poster
mynaughtylittlesister · 18/02/2008 00:58

I want to meet up and DH and 1 DC doesnt!!

What do i DO?

OP posts:
Emprexia · 18/02/2008 01:03

Perhaps agree to meet up but just for a few hours and let DH take your kids out?

KerryMum · 18/02/2008 01:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mynaughtylittlesister · 18/02/2008 01:06

The only prob with that is thay will be travelling 5 hrs and want to know the exact site we are staying, so cant really say goodbye after a couple of hrs!

OP posts:
Original poster
mynaughtylittlesister · 18/02/2008 01:08

Yes Kerrymum, I understand, but when you have a particular shy 11 yr old and she does it in front of the father and he ignores it - honest it really meant a big deal to my DD literally! It really upset her!

OP posts:
slim22 · 18/02/2008 01:10

why don't you have a girl's day out?
I'm thinking nice long lunch with a bottle of wine....Can't you meet her halfway?

Original poster
mynaughtylittlesister · 18/02/2008 01:14

Friend actually wants to stay a week! Seeing I have all girls, they would all come. Eldest DD would really cringe, if she had to entertain the DD of friend, which is a real shame as she is only 18mths younger than her! If only she had not tried to pull my DDs shorts down! This happened over 3 yrs ago and she still remembers it now!

OP posts:
wineisthewaytomyheart · 18/02/2008 01:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slim22 · 18/02/2008 01:19

Ooops!

I think you better make something up like you MIL is staying with you are something.

After all, it's everybody's holiday. If your DC and DH don't want them around you are all going to have a miserable time arguing over it before - during - and after the holiday.

Original poster
mynaughtylittlesister · 18/02/2008 01:19

I guess it must be very difficult for people to comment, I have seen her eldest scream obscenaties (sp)Not sure whether they are on a back fire being located to Spain or what! My friend is gorgeous, well and truly! If only her DH and DC were too. Sad thing is she is God parent to one of my DC and that means a lot!

OP posts:
Original poster
mynaughtylittlesister · 18/02/2008 01:21

Slim22, funny thing is MIL is also coming too! LOL - I think !!!!!

OP posts:
slim22 · 18/02/2008 01:28

MIL (or my own mother for that matter) on my holidays - that's one I could not do!

As much as I'd love to, I would not do it on a family holiday.

You may have that feeling that it's not fair that's it's always the mum who has to compromise to make everybody else happy.
Don't hold a grudge. From what you're describing, it's really not fair on them.

LittleMissTickles · 18/02/2008 01:47

I think you should tell her that much as you would love to share your holiday with her and her family, you have all been looking forward to this quality time together as a family, and that you can meet her half way one day for the day (just the 2 of you). If she still comes with the whole family for the week, and stays nearby, at least she will understand when you want to do things alone as a family.

seeker · 18/02/2008 05:42

Not sure if I completely understand, but I think what you're saying is that you're letting a 14 year old have a veto onve wither you seen a dear friend or not, based on an incident 3 years ago? Not sure that's a good idea, frankly!

AbbeyA · 18/02/2008 07:08

I wouldn't think it fair on the 14year old to have to spend a week with someone she finds upsetting, it is her holiday as well.I think the compromise solution is best,stress it is a family time and have a day out on your own to meet her.

SSSandy2 · 18/02/2008 08:37

How about booking a day spa somewhere nearer to where she lives and just you and she meet up there for that day? I don't think your family should have to spend a whole week of their holiday with people they don't like but you should still see your friend. Be the one to make the extra effort then she won't be offended.

ibelieveindreaming · 18/02/2008 09:06

It's a difficult one. Was it 3 years ago when you last saw her dcs? Could her dd have changed since then? I think I would explain to friend that you would like to meet up but not for a whole week as you would like to spend some time as a family, maybe she could come for a couple of nights.

AngharadGoldenhand · 18/02/2008 09:17

Go for a family holiday and meet her for a day at a spa or something.

I would not want my dh or kids to be stressed on holiday because of some badly behaved kids, no matter how lovely their mother.

Also - you said to be honest - if one person is away from the kids a lot, then most of the parenting falls on the other one. Your friend's parenting problems fall squarely at her door!

lovecat · 18/02/2008 09:19

it's entirely possible I've read this wrong, in which case disregard what follows, but I actually think your friend, gorgeous though she may be, has a bit of a cheek expecting to stay with you the whole week of your holiday! Has she offered you any money towards it? Otherwise it's an incredible cheek to expect a free holiday (because that's what it is if her DH is taking time off work to come) just because you happen to be staying in the same country.

Agreeing to meet up halfway for 1 day, just the 2 of you, seems by far the best compromise - personally I'd be incredibly miffed if one of my friends invited themselves onto our holiday - if I want to go away in a group, that's how I organise it, if I want time with my family, then we book for ourselves and ourselves only. Perhaps I'm a curmudgeon that way, but I really would not have her and her family to stay during your holiday - how big is it where you'll be, anyway? Won't it be horribly cramped?

(or have I misunderstood and she only wants to come and stay in the same resort as you? In which case will she expect you to be living in each other's pockets? If not, then it's not such a problem, really, is it? Just make sure you're out and about as a family when you want to be, and meet up on your terms. Easier said than done, I know...)

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