To ask what it's like to have a Nanny?

[reluctantlondoner]

I am considering childcare options for my two children. Can I ask those of you who have tried having a Nanny what is it like? Was it a positive experience? Pros & cons? This isn't a Nanny v. nursery thread for young children as my children will both go to nursery / school for at least part of the day. It's more a Nanny and working more / having more flexibility work-wise v. trying to manage it all yourself whilst working part time and feeling like you're failing at everything most of the time... thread! Thanks in advance for your perspectives.

Mine did nursery full time from age 6 mo, then we moved house which meant a longer commute and older DD needed school pickup at 3. So we got a nanny (as a nannyshare with one other family) which worked well. Nanny did 9am to 6:30 pm including pickup of primary age child. We continued with after school nannies through most of primary to cover my commute up to 6pm.

Nanny was great as she did the kids laundry and kept things tidy. More expensive than nursery though.

Our best nanny stayed 2years but most were 1 year. And another family I know had multiple nannies in under a year. When hiring, I would always look for long term commitment and I made an effort to be a considerate employer so nanny would stay.

Hugely down to the person ime. Ours is brilliant - follows our routine with the kids, has far more energy than me and takes them from park to play group to whatever else and tires them out, and leaves our house tidier than she found it every time. Folds laundry, does dishes, generally makes our lives easier and covers various illnesses/absences so that our jobs aren’t derailed.

We went through multiple nannies in a year, so it wasn't a great experience. I wasn't able to be more productive when I was concerned about whether or not the nanny was going to turn up that day.

It’s like having a marriage with strict gender roles. You come home and find your children happily watching tv, with full tummies. You find the nanny in the kitchen doing some washing up from the dinner she made the kids.
I loved it…
some days it’s coming home and taking all those things for granted and just needing 10 minutes to yourself (you have been working hard after all) but the nanny have lots to tell you about the children’s day.

I loved our nanny days, it was the best option for me and my kids

It has worked well for us.

Pros are flexibility, the fact they will take a sick child, the fact that you can direct how you want your child brought up.

Cons are the cost, covering the nanny's sickness (although ours have had pretty robust constitutions after years of working with small children) and holiday, trust (a friend's nanny taped a dummy into her baby's mouth).

Our nannies have been fab. We had one from 8 months to reception and then a nanny share for wraparound care from year one onwards. I will say we have been pretty lucky with ours though. Friends have had a higher turnover and the awful dummy incident I mentioned above. I think (hope) we have been pretty good employers. We appreciate them and are as flexible as possible with holidays and days off.

Our nanny has been with us since 2018 and feels like part of the family. I honestly don’t think I would’ve been able to continue with my career without her. It also makes the weekends bearable

It was the absolute best child care option I ever had. No waking the children up to drag them to the childminder or nursery, no absolute panic that I was going to be late for pick up. Poorly child not being forced to go to nursery. I would do it again.

I did treat the nanny well though. Double pay if I was late, extra paid day off if we were off, early shoot if we were early home.

Agree, it took away a lot of complications.

It did however cost an awful lot.

Only as good as the individual nanny.

We had two in under a year and we are good employers. My neighbour was paying quite a high salary for our area and wanted ideally continuity until starting primary. She had already had two leave before age 3 so she gave up on nannies.

When it works it’s the best form of childcare but not easy. Disliked interviewing, nanny tax, being an employer and one of our nannies had very rigid ideas about childcare which she didn’t explain at interview (very old school).

I've had a live out nanny and it was like having Mary Poppins - all homework done/hair washed bliss!

We had a wraparound nanny for a year for school aged kids. The flexibility was good especially for our work schedules. Unfortunately we felt she was being too harsh on the kids who had been through a lot of change which she didn't really seem to understand. She kept giving back bad reports and I didn't really believe it. Kids go to wraparound care at school now and enjoy it.

We only had two nannies, over a period of 14 years.

Our first one we started as part of a nanny-share, as it was simply too expensive for us to have her on our own. But as salaries rose, we took her on full-time.

Quite frankly, both of them were brilliant - although very different from each other.

It gave us the flexibility that we needed as full-time working parents, especially for me as my job/working hours were very unpredictable, and I did a lot evening work as well as travel away from home.

Things you need to consider very carefully:

• how you pay them; it might have changed now, but back in the day, nannies were often paid their net salary and it was up to the employer to pay their tax. This can make life very complicated. Don't be tempted to pay them like this or, worse, cash-in-hand. Do it above board and declare everything to HMRC.
• have a contract with them, which covers important things like holiday - you need to agree if there are times when they can't take holiday, as well as when they can - and if it coincides with yours, or if they can take holiday when you don't
• agree what their daily duties are/aren't; sometimes people want their nanny to also do housework, especially if the children are older
• chat regularly with the nanny about how things are going, and encourage them to speak up if they're not happy about anything
• remember that they are an employee and you are their employer - don't be fooled into thinking that they are part of your family (even if you all get on very well, and it feels like that). As employees they have important rights which you have to acknowledge

We're still in touch with both of our nannies, some 16 or so years later.