My daughter is 9. She's autistic, has ADHD and moderate learning difficulties and specific learning difficulties. She has a typical IQ hence why they're difficulties not disabilities. But school, socialising etc are really difficult for her.
Understandably she has quite low self esteem and wants everything to be "easy". She stops enjoying clubs and refuses to go back to extra curriculars as soon as there's something she finds challenging, or as soon as she receives anything she sees at criticism. It becomes a huge source of anxiety.
My frustration lies in the fact my daughter is also a very good choral singer. She was part of a local church choir. It's a very well known choir, where we live. The are invited to sing in cathedrals in the UK and abroad and a lot of children have got into independent schools on music scholarships etc. It's quite intense as the children practice three times a week plus sing in the Eucharist and evensong. My daughter loved it, and with some support in reading music she was thriving.
The choir master told us my daughter was one of his best singers and on track to do incredibly well. Which to be honest was a relief as she's not academic at all, and I want her to have good opportunities.
But then one of the assistants in the junior choir kept telling my child off for fidgeting in between songs during a church service and told her she needs to concentrate more in practice and stop drifting, which obviously with ADHD is a huge struggle.
After this issue she decided to take my daughter "under her wing", took it upon herself to become my daughter's choir partner (they help the junior choir with reading the music) thus removing the one who spent months building a bond and routine with her and the assistant was just incredibly overbearing in general. So my daughter became incredibly anxious and refused to go back.
I spoke to the choir master about it as ultimately he's in charge and leads the practices and he said it's just the junior choir assistants personality and there are no more issues with my daughter during practice or church services than there are with the other children in the junior choir.
The choir master has given my daughter's choir partner back, said she can go to less church services as she struggles to sit through them with ADHD, but my daughter isn't having any of it. She's point blank refusing to go back, and if anyone brings up going back to that choir she gets incredibly upset and cries that she doesn't want opportunities if she has to go to that particular choir and be around that woman.
At my daughter's request I've put her in a totally different choir, but it's just a community choir that doesn't have any opportunities attached. She also goes to singing lessons now. I won't force my daughter to do something she doesn't want to do because I would rather she enjoy singing. But I just feel so frustrated that she's potentially passed up a lifetime of opportunities without truly understanding. AIBU for feeling like this despite respecting my daughter's wishes?
Apologies this is so long, I wanted to add everything relevent.