struggling with this feeling around my parents and dont know what to do

[unigoty]

I have huge anxiety around my parents. They are decent, caring, well meaning people, especially as they’ve got older. They dote on my dc and have supported me hugely financially (I’m a single parent). They’ve done the same for my sibling and my nieces.

But growing up I felt huge huge emotional neglect. It was horrendous. It may be an incorrect memory of course, but I remember feeling mocked, put down, less than. I never felt secure, felt talked about, compared. I struggle to remember specific incidents but I just have this awful bottom of stomach anxious feeling when I think about my childhood. It wasn’t all bad, sims of it was wonderful and many happy memories, but the bad feeling remains, and whenever I am with them in the family home I feel sick, stressed, angry even. It’s not so bad if we meet on neutral turf.

I don’t want to feel like this. How do I change? It’s going to start impacting dc soon as I am reluctant to spend much time there, and dc love their grandparents.

Hi OP,
have you had any therapy ? Psychotherapy or person-centred counselling could help you to explore these feelings and experiences in a safe way.

I second counselling. It's not all about reviving memories or specifics. Like, for example you could recount your last visit and by talking about it, you can listen to where the discomfort is in your body and let emotions rise up and look at them. Instead of burying them you release them. And you keep it all within the consulting room.

It's worth the investment - although you need to do your research and 'interview' several therapists until you find one who feels right.

Agree with @shivermetimbers77, counselling would give you a safe space to explore these feelings. If it's any consolation, my parents were the same. My mum died in '91, so it's not something I can discuss with her. Dad remarried and I never see him without his wife present. I think it was far more common then to parent like that, although I had a few friends whose parents were warmer and appeared to have greater emotional intelligence.

I know your feelings, mine are exactly the same. I could have written your post. I suspect I am older than you and I never addressed my feelings which means I got a point when I just blew up. It’s caused a dreadful fracture and my parents now refuse to have anything to do with me. I don’t actually feel over concerned about this, in fact I feel very free, but it is pretty grim for my brothers. But it speaks volumes that my parents, particularly my Dad, would rather be right than have their daughter.

if I had my time again, gently lowering contact until I could manage things would have been much better than letting it get to an explosion.