To think awareness and support of girls with autism in schools is inadequate (trigger warning- suicide)

[Margot78]

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2023/04/30/wycombe-abbey-death-caitlyn-scott-lee-detention-autism/?fbclid=IwAR2MVciGtGDMnedT_exiXE02swiLTyXlY9L03zzkKH-g3lVzQpWSNZRP0uA

This girl’s tragic suicide could have been so easily prevented if schools could just be aware of the needs of girls with autism. There does seem a shocking lack of understanding in schools and things desperately need to change.

This is so tragic, so sad. RIP Caityn 💔 I completely agree. Tbh I think there's still a general lack of understanding of autism in girls and women and not just in schools - in medicine, too. So much needs changing.

Totally agree

Completely agree. Absolutely heartbreaking, RIP Caitlyn.

That's so sad.

I agree, the understanding of how autism manifests in girls and women is woeful, in schools and in society in general. So much damage is done.

School is utter hell for many of us.

Poor girl and her poor family.

I’m sure there are people who will say she should never have gone to that school but even elitest schools should be expected to work with parents of children with additional needs. A bit of sensible communication with the family could have ensured an appropriate response. Children are so let down by the system.

I’m sure there are people who will say she should never have gone to that school but even elitest schools should be expected to work with parents of children with additional needs.

I would say this actually. I think parents need to think very hard (at the outset and at regular intervals) about what kind of school environment might suit their child, and work accordingly. A death like this is always tragic and it’s not the time to point fingers so I’ll stop there.

Lots of autistic people are extremely intelligent and talented so a school that pushes those things should have been a perfect place for her. Much better than a school full of disruption and unpredictable behaviour and no academic challenge. The issue is that they needed to also understand her needs and provide proper support emotionally and adjust for her, and realise the impact on her of things they said or did. The high-achieving ethos of the school was not what was wrong, it was the lack of adjustments and pastoral care and understanding of her differences (based on the info in the article).

My DD is awaiting assessment for ASD. One of the challenges is that she hides everything very well at school. It's only now she's at the end of primary school they have started to see a few things but even so it's completely different at home. At first they thought I was deluded but then they looked up the autism in girls checklist and were able to notice lots of things that my DD does.

Having said that, boarding school would be completely unsuitable for a child like her. Home is where she "releases" after a day masking at school. I can't imagine how she would cope in an environment where you have little opportunity to hide away.

Well I obviously feel sorry for the girl and her family. And autism in girls is misunderstood, yes.

But I can't get worked up over a rich banker (probably one of my colleagues, actually) insisting that the school was 'not a hothouse' while , at the same time calling upon 'all schools' to do X, Y, Z. Maybe his campaign will get specialist training for ordinary schools, which is great.

But not Wyecombe Abbey, which is a prestigious boarding school and has more than enough dosh to have specialist SEN support if they want to.

But you have pointed fingers.

For many people, there is no choice of school. They go to the local school or nothing.

As a mum of a child with autism, it’s really not just as easy as to say pick the correct school environment. There needs to be more schools that create that environment for children with ND and a range of other issues.

Poor Caitlyn. Her family must be devastated.

As someone who went to a state school with very low academic expectations (as did many of my undiagnosed female autistic friends) you then had to deal with all of the above (no adjustments, understanding, support or pastoral care) on top of dealing with disruptive behaviour that was unchecked, and no academic challenge so wasted potential.

The issue is about people not adjusting environments properly or understanding autistic people properly. And this is just the same in private and state from what I can see, and in society generally, still.

For many people, there is no choice of school. They go to the local school or nothing.

If this tragic death highlights that, that would be a useful spur to change. Those that do get a (financial or geographic) choice can make informed decisions too.

The SEN boards (and I know a few personally) are full of people sending their kids to independent schools because of the small class sizes, better pastoral care etc.
The 'private sector' (just like the state) are all not the same. The likes of Wycombe Abbey, Eton etc are not places people go for the 'best' education. They are elite boarding schools to rub shoulders with the upper crust. The 'best results' are just a cover - I'm sure loads of 'average' people if spoonfed could great great academic results too.

If I was this man I'd be very angry that I entrusted my daughter to a 44K a year school and this happened. But then again, there was nothing stopping him from sending her somewhere else with a more welcoming environment, was there? @IBlinkThereforeIAm you are right ordinary parents have little choice, but not this family.

I'm going to add as well we don't have the full story. We don't know what the school did and didn't do. She wanted a 'suspension;, not a detention. How did that go? Did they just not want to waive the punishment? What alternatives did they have? Regardless of their best efforts this could still have happened. So it's very hard to 'point fingers'.

Well no.

My daughters school talk a great talk about their SEN provision, but in practice, you have to fight to get adjustments and understanding. Even when they’ve agreed, certain staff members are arseholes. If both parents work full time, it’s near impossible. The phone calls, the meetings, the constant issues because schools don’t provide what they should.

These issues exist regardless of area or whether you’re state or private.

It’s a widespread issue and I think disgraceful frankly. Boys and men with autism are better diagnosed and catered for. Girls and women slide under the radar as they present differently thus missing out on much needed support.The fact this is known but still nothing is done about it is shameful.

We were told there was nothing wrong with my Dd at primary. She was bright, masked, didn’t line up cars or get aggressive.She now has autism, adhd and dyspraxia diagnoses and an EHCP. After going to a grammar school which didn't suit her needs,years of anorexia, self harm and 2 overdoses she is finally getting the help she needs.

Girls are left until crisis because they mask and their autism often is seen as less problematic to others. It’s not ok.

Absolutely a major issue. My dd struggles every day and all I hear is just tell her... my teen would never do that etc etc..

current student at WA here...
I don't mean to defend the school but we have upped our mental health care and related things since the incident and generally people are more satisfied now with the level of support given. We have learnt from the experience and Caitlyn will always be remembered :)

It's not just girls who mask. Plenty of boys get missed and have inadequate support due to masking too.

Absolutely. I think on mn especially boys(particularly teenage boys) and men get a very rough trot when it comes to autism, particularly from autistic women posters. They are very quick to point out that autism differs in women than men but also very quick to call teenage boys and autistic men assholes because they(the autistic women) would never act that way. Very quick to say that's not autistic behaviour that is asshole behaviour because they are so very defensive they can't see outside of their own tiny, windowless box.

I have an autistic teenage boy, he masks, he is quiet and high achieving. His teachers often say 'oh I forgot he is autistic, you would never know' he is given no leeway/no support whatsoever because he is so intelligent and quietly and consistently works to a high standard. Like this poor girl he would be absolutely horrified to get into any kind of trouble at all and would take a detention very hard.