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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don’t want ex to have contact with baby at my house

11 replies

Lonewolf20 · 06/05/2023 09:00

AIBU for not wanting my ex to have contact with our baby at my house anymore?

For some context, my ex and I broke up soon after baby was born - as in like when she was 5 days old due to emotional abuse, manipulation and because he just really wasn’t nice to me throughout my pregnancy at all.

I’ve been allowing contact to occur at my house due to the baby being very young, but she’s now nearly 6 months old, my ex and I are having a lot of issues and insults are going back and forth between us. It’s taking a toll on my mental health, and he induces anxiety in me and has been since November and I no longer want him around me, or for him to contact me anymore. I have suggested a family contact centre for him to see our child however it seems like he still wants to take me to court to see where he stands . My baby is exclusively breastfed and refuses to take a bottle no matter how hard I try so he wouldn’t be able to take her for long periods of time, and often she uses me for comfort .

can a court force visitation at my home even though I’m not comfortable with it? Or even at his house when I wouldn’t be comfortable there either due to the affect he has on my mental health? Would a court also agree to a contact centre?

am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:
billy1966 · 06/05/2023 09:02

Contact Women's aid for support.

He has absolutely no rights to enter your home.

Let him spend the money on a court.

He is using this arrangement to abuse you in your home.

Ring Women's aid today.

AmandaHoldensLips · 06/05/2023 09:04

You do not have to allow your Ex into your home. No court will force you to admit anyone into your home without your permission.

You do not have to facilitate his contact time. That is entirely up to him.

Let him take you to court. My bet will be that he is just using it as a threat and won't bother.

happypoobum · 06/05/2023 09:04

I don’t think YABU, but isn’t there a third option between your house or contact centre?

Can he not take baby out for a couple of hours, to his home if nearby, or to park etc?

I don’t think court would decree he can enter your home against your will.

Wishitsnows · 06/05/2023 09:12

Of course you are not being unreasonable! You don’t have to let anyone in your house you don’t want to. Say no and let him take you to court or he can offer a suggestion that he takes the baby for a walk or something. He can’t go straight to court they will expect him to go to mediation first. No body not even court will say you have to have anyone in your home.

Original poster
Lonewolf20 · 06/05/2023 09:27

I would love for him to take her out for a couple hours to his place or a walk, but she gets fussy when she’s not with me after 20-30 minutes - I assume because of separation anxiety. I really cannot be around him so I don’t know what else to do other than suggest a contact centre even though that’s also not ideal :/

OP posts:
Original poster
Lonewolf20 · 06/05/2023 09:30

Mediation would be great but I do think he won’t agree to anything due to it not being legally binding.

OP posts:
FurAndFeathers · 06/05/2023 09:30

He needs to take her out, be a parent and deal with her. Her needs to be a source of comfort.

him being a parent does not entitle him to your home or your moral support.

crack on with court

Original poster
Lonewolf20 · 06/05/2023 09:37

I’ve tried in the past to allow him to deal with her without me so she learns to also use him as comfort and he just blamed me for leaving her with him and said how much of a bad idea it was as she was screaming crying the entire time. He’s very difficult to deal with

OP posts:
planningnightmare · 06/05/2023 10:19

"he just blamed me for leaving her with him"

he might blame you but this is what parenting as a single parent means. to be alone with your child. if he is unable to handle that, he will stop seeking contact.

it sounds it is not about spending time with his child, he is using visitation as an opportunity to abuse you.

stop facilitating your own abuse.
stop allowing him into your house.
ask him to start court proceedings, ask the judge for visitation in a contact centre

Twazique · 06/05/2023 12:49

Make sure you communicate in writing (email, text) and keep copies. Offer contact at a contact centre etc and suggest several times you both go to mediation. You will then be able to show the court that you haven't blocked access, just not inside your home. Women's Aid will hopefully have more detailed advice. Record keeping will be useful if he gets as far as court.

Gymmum82 · 06/05/2023 12:53

Lonewolf20 · 06/05/2023 09:37

I’ve tried in the past to allow him to deal with her without me so she learns to also use him as comfort and he just blamed me for leaving her with him and said how much of a bad idea it was as she was screaming crying the entire time. He’s very difficult to deal with

He’ll be left to deal with her at a contact centre too. So either he accepts contact on his own or not at all

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