to want to look the way i want and not what HE wants?

[lydiathetattooedlady]

im sat here with a carrier bag on my head passing by the time till i rinse off my hair dye to reveal a transformation from platinum blonde to vibrant red head. Problem?....im pooping myself a ittle as dp is on nights shift and i have a feeling he's gonna go nuts when he sees it!
when we met he knew i was always dying my hair different colours but have kept it blonde because he liked it, i dont, but i wanted to keep him happy. everything about the way i look he puts me down for even tho i dress the same as when we met! he says my clothes dont match im unco-ordinated, i look like bet lynch etc etc.(im a tattooed rockerbilly, leopard print kinder gal)
so ive been trying to be more conservative, everyones noticed the change in me!
my concern is that we were only together 4 months when i got pregnant, dd is nearly one, im wondering now if this realtionship is going to work out cos im treading on egg shells constantly not wanting to upset him. sorry about the rant im just upset and confused...to make matters worse i got red dye on the carpet eeeeeeekk!
I JUST WANNA BE ME!

I don't see why you should change the way you look just because he says so. That sounds very controlling.

It's your hair. Your body, your clothes. Would he like it if you told him what to wear? He should love you for what's inside, not what you look like. If he can't accept you the way you are then he's not good for you.

Of course you're not unreasonable.

Hope the red hair is fab.

if he doesn't love uou the way you are (or want to be) then he doesn't love you.

IMHO and I'm another hair-dyer here.

I was with a guy that tried to do this to me. Wanted me to cover up when we went out and I hardly dress tartily. Turns out he didnt like other men looking at me. I thought this was too controlling.

But I think women do it to a certain extent with their men e.g try to get them dress a bit more trendy, ditch the cords etc.

Yes well some men need sorting out.

well ive rinsed it off and I LOVE IT! its the colour of uma thurmans when she played poison ivy in batman!
in a way it is controlling but in another way i think he thinks we need to act more sensibly now as we have a daughter, but we're only 25! ive gone from being single going out all the time, to a mother-home owner-dog owner in the space of 18 months, and its not as if the hair dye is permanent it'll wash out!
i never tell him what to wear or the way to look as i know it hurts but if he starts i might tell him what i think about his trainers i hate and the fact he looks like a prisoner of war with a shaved head! (no offence meant)

Make the most of dressing how you want while your baby is still young and not old enough to roll her eyes and criticise you!

"everything about the way i look he puts me down for even tho i dress the same as when we met!"

I don't even know where to start with this -

Oh yes I do

Tell him to FUCK OFF

You sound like you look the way I want to look! lol

Your man should love you for who you are, not what you look like.

If he loves you he should want to bring out the best most confident side of you and not drag you down until you think that he is the best you can do.

I know, it happened to me. After 4 years with a nit picking confidence sapping twat I was a complete wreck. Tell him to eff off NOW before his insecurities chip away at the lovely person you are.

You don't have to change the way you look because you've had a baby. I tried looking like a 'mum' for years after I had DS1 and I just felt more and more unhappy with myself - I felt like a fraud (and felt old and frumpy and uncomfortable) I decided last year that it was stupid to try and be someone I'm not, so I've gradually started dressing to please myself and I feel far more confident than I have for years.

How you dress is none of your DPs business either. You shouldn't be walking around on eggshells either, it's not healthy and you're only end up resenting him in the end.

Hear hear Quattrocento!!

He is a control freak.

i left my h for this kind of behaviour

Don't walk about on egg shells or let him put you down-it is his problem not yours!
I should make him sit down and have a proper talk-tell him that he knew what you were like when he met you and that you have no intention of changing so he will have to stop criticising because you are not going to listen in future.If he starts up in the future you could just sound like a broken record and keep saying 'I have discussed it once-the subject is not open for discussion'.
He obviously has a controlling personality so don't give him the control-he will only get worse! Your hair sounds lovely.

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