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To be in a mood with DP

10 replies

Str3bor · 05/05/2023 22:22

Me and DP took a day off work to spend together and go on a walk, last night we were supposed to pick a walk, I sat looking, he sat on his phone texting his friend, every walk I suggested he just said what about one here, I would look again and just got the same response, we never ended up picking one.

this morning I just said I’ve picked one in the absence of you helping me decide. As we were leaving he complained the drive was too far, i bit my lip, then in the car another remark that the walk wasn’t circular, and then another that the weather didn’t look good where we were going. I then pulled over and snapped and said if you had an opinion you should have picked one and told him to pick one now. He then just told me to drive, we spent the 2 hour drive not speaking to each other and the first half of the walk at which point he told me to stop it. Then on the way back someone text him something that annoyed him and he then went back to being weird with me again.

I just got to a point I thought I can’t be bothered with this and have just avoided him most of the night and which point I get told not to bother speaking to him until I’m out of my mood.

I was annoyed that he was being so negative and critical when he chose not to help pick the walk but he then gets in a mood because I’m in a mood and I then stay in my mood because apparently I’m not allowed to be annoyed.

he constantly says I’m moody but he doesn’t realise I just react to him, I feel like I live with Jekyll and Hyde and I’m constantly walking on eggshells but he blames me.

now I’m reflecting is it me or is it him and I just don’t know?

just as a bit of background I’m a very laid back person, I’m easygoing and not that bothered about what we do or where we go. I think this frustrates him because he says I never make a decision. The thing is when I do he always has something to say about it so I think what’s the point. For example he might ask where I want to go for tea, I’ll name say 3 places and he’ll say something like really? Or no so I end up just saying you pick and this seems to piss him off.

OP posts:
TheOpenRoad · 05/05/2023 22:28

That sounds exhausting, is he usually so negative?

WhyCantYourPartnerDoIt · 05/05/2023 22:30

You're not communicating with each other. It's CLEAR he didn't want to go for a walk. After the first stone-wall last night you should have asked how he wanted to spend the day and compromised from there.

Yes he should have said it outright, but you took the day to reconnect and both of you instead didn't communicate at all.

coffy11 · 05/05/2023 22:30

It's not you, it's him.

Str3bor · 05/05/2023 22:33

It was him who suggested the walk and asked me to take the day off, I just can’t be bothered with it

OP posts:
coffy11 · 05/05/2023 22:33

WhyCantYourPartnerDoIt · 05/05/2023 22:30

You're not communicating with each other. It's CLEAR he didn't want to go for a walk. After the first stone-wall last night you should have asked how he wanted to spend the day and compromised from there.

Yes he should have said it outright, but you took the day to reconnect and both of you instead didn't communicate at all.

Why is it all on her? He's the one that's not communicating and trying to make it seem like she's the problem. How tiring being with someone like this.

Jobhuntings · 05/05/2023 22:34

He sounds awful. I couldn't cope with that much negativity.

Dontbelieveaword · 05/05/2023 22:37

every walk I suggested he just said what about one here, I would look again and just got the same response, we never ended up picking one.

So you were both suggesting walks and both vetoing each others? So he did try join in but everytime you suggested one, he suggested something else, you ignored his suggestion and went back to searching?

And I'm afraid it is impossible when someone describes themselves as 'laid back' to the point where they 'don't mind' what they do or where they go - it does put a lot of pressure on the other person to make all the decisions because the 'easygoing' one constantly says 'you decide' but doesn't really mean it.

If you can't learn to communicate properly, maybe decide you make decisions this weekend, he does the next etc. Then the other one has to shut up and put up.

Str3bor · 05/05/2023 22:38

I had to drive as he couldn’t so as he wasn’t speaking to me he didn’t bother to pay the toll bridge we went over which is online and you get fined if you don’t pay within 24 hours (I always forget so always like to do it as I cross now) and didn’t bother to look at the walk or help me find the car park whilst I was driving - things I always do as a passenger

OP posts:
Str3bor · 05/05/2023 22:40

the ones he suggested I was then looking at and he then carried on searching in between being distracted with texting his friend, I just give up in the end.

I don’t mind making decisions but I don’t want to be criticised and getting negative comments about everything I pick

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 05/05/2023 22:44

just as a bit of background I’m a very laid back person, I’m easygoing and not that bothered about what we do or where we go. I think this frustrates him because he says I never make a decision. The thing is when I do he always has something to say about it so I think what’s the point.

I went on holiday with a friend like this once. I'm not sure we've spoken since. She'd ask where we were going, I'd say 'let's just turn up and see' she'd say I didn't plan anything, I'd plan then she'd criticise.

It was bad enough on a holiday. I could t live with it.

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