To ask you to indulge me about men who ignored/left/abandoned their dc met their downfall later on?

[ottowontchange]

I’m fucking furious with exdh. I know that being angry with him isn’t helping me etc etc. Most of the time I genuinely don’t think of him. But tonight I am struggling and would love to hear of shitty men suffering from hurting their dc, even if it was a long time coming. I’ve truly had enough!

Does this happen op? I reckon most men who abandon their children care not one iota about them. Most people do what they want to do. They don't see the children because they don't want to. Don't suppose they want to see them in the future either. Sod them.

My great uncle.

Cheated on his ex wife and then when he was kicked out, refused to see his children.

Fast forward 20 years. Lonely, old, narc of a man. No-one even went to his funeral (except me and my grandma (his sister)

Nobody cared about him. He tried to reach out to them when he started becoming sick. They didn't give two shits.

Men who abandon their children will get their downfall.

Kinda? My ex ditched his children everytime he had something better to do a couple of years on his kids CBA with him ds2 doesn't bother at all ds1 doesn't bother with him 95% of the time ex finds this embarrassing and doesn't admit that his own sons won't see him

My DD is an adult now. He father moved away when she was 2 and saw her 3/4 times per year. He came back to our area about 5 years ago and tried to walk back into the role of Dad. It didn’t work. She put him firmly in his place and told him I was her parent and the only one she needs. She sees him when it suits her not when it suits him but generally keeps him at arms length. My relationship with her is absolutely fantastic. She knows (without being told) what both of us contributed to raising her and tells me all the time how grateful she is for me. I know it hurts him that she is so dismissive of him but that’s his fault. He deserves it.

My ex abandoned 2 of our 3 sons - one he texted when he was 12 to say he was to no longer call him dad 😳.
I shouldn’t have been saddened or angered for this as he had previously abandoned his 3 daughters from his first marriage.

However both sons have gone on to study at uni, one has a law degree and works abroad and says his Grandad was the best Dad he could ever have had (ironically exes own father not mine) and youngest son who was also cast out of Grandads life when Dad disowned him (grandad had dementia and dad was in control).

Anyway fabulous ds3 graduates in July and has thanked both me and ‘step dad’ (my now partner) in his dissertation - my partner is an awesome hands on parent who really guided ds through turbulent times!!

But,mums don’t walk away and I stand proud and dare I say relieved that my ex wasn’t around to mess up ds life.

My ex is an occasion dad. For now! Prior to that he didn't bother for three years.

My daughters are late teens, they tolerate him, that's not to say that they don't love him but they have no real relationship. He shows up at Xmas and mostly his own or new daughters birthday.
He wants them to join his family holiday and in my daughters own words she's only going to make memories with her sisters.
They tick the box by turning up when he himself can be bothered and that's it, they don't go to him for much, and he used to tell me how great a dad he was, how they'd be so close in future that nothing could be further from the truth. Sad for him but he's brought it all on himself. You can't email two teenagers and tell them you don't want to see them again and expect things to be the same years later

DHs so called father essentially abandoned him and his 3 siblings when he separated from DHs mother. Saw them maybe 3 times a year when he could be bothered, never paid a penny of maintenance. After a couple of years he stopped seeing them altogether.

After around 10 years he tried to get back in contact and all 4 kids (now adults or teens) told him to do one. Now he's a sad middle aged man with no friends or family. Complains about how lonely he is and how 'nobody will talk to him' but it's completely his own doing.

My ex-H walked out on us when my children were babies. We now have a great life: lovely home I bought for us, holidays, great friends, and me and the children are a really close family unit. Their father is in piles of debt, lost his job and career, is living in a shared house and his children don't even remember what he looks like. All a result of destructive decisions he has made. Maybe there is some karma.

Haven't spoken to my dad in over 25 years and neither have my siblings. I'm sure it was hard on my mother raising young kids while he got pissed with his mates every night, never any maintenance paid or anything. But she is surrounded by family who love and cherish her. He has no one. Has never met any of his young grandchildren, even his own equally toxic siblings don't bother with him. Lives in a council house he has let go ruin, spends every penny he has in the pub with the same losers he was drinking with 2 or 3 decades ago. He's in his mid 60s now. It's sad really.

Depends what you mean by meeting their downfall I suppose. Neither of my children really bother with their “father” anymore, the youngest especially. The oldest is very open they don’t respect him at all, for good reason. It’s a start I guess.

Still waiting for the bastard to be blasted into the sun or similar but there’s still time.

DH's father left the family home when DH was 15 to be with his mistress, and told DH he wasn't welcome to visit. He made zero effort to see him at all.

Fast forward to now, the other woman left him and he's single and alone, as all his family went no contact with him after his behaviour.

DH and I have worked hard as well as being lucky with investments and are now very, very financially well off.

His Dad has got wind that we have £££ and has tried to get in touch. DH has very happily told him he's not welcome to visit, just like his dad told him all those years ago.

My dc Dad left me for another woman and abandoned the dc. He became a heroin addict and went to prison for an awful crime. He got stabbed in prison too. Hes now out and living elsewhere and had to change his name. Karma is a bitch.

We live a lovely life, nice house, I have a good job and me and my own mum practically co-parent the children. They are absolutely amazing kids too.

My ex walked out to be with his 14 year old 'girlfriend' (he is an abusive cunt-i'll add child rapist to that-oddly nobody spoke to him even after it was prived he was the father)

He left me with 2 kids

He got her pregnant,dumped her and started drug dealing

He was caught,got 7 years and came out to be with yet another woman

He's never paid a penny for any of his kids,but did take us to court before he ended up doing time,as 'it's free init?' (Legal aid)

He lost interest after he got visitation-he'd proved his point

Years later my son wanted a hat-hed saved his pocket money up and found the one he wanted on a market stall-the same stall his father ran for his mate

He asked how much it was and his father spat at him and told him to 'fuck off,your just a bastard',my son walked away,never did find another hat and said at the time he would never speak another word to his father

Years have slid past,and the kids started their own careers-they earn good money now

He tried to come back into their lives-cap in hand-and it's all my fault they don't want to know him-and he can't bask in the glory of their success

I've poisoned them against him apparently

He can't see past his own nose on how you treat a child is the way they'll treat you-he didn't want to know so they don't want to know him now

He still lives with his mother (who's a nasty bitch-my dd once saw her in tesco and told 'granny' who she is-she was told to 'fuck off-I don't want to know you silly bitch') (apple doesn't fall far from that tree),is skint-they only money he does make is from flogging illegal baccy,which he spunks on drugs and the pub,has no mates as everyone knows he's a dickhead and spends his life avoiding people who want to batter him or following his girlfriend round,while controlling her

His loss

My dad was just too lazy to bother maintaining a relationship with us (DB and I were in our teens) He just didn't see the point. He would sooner drink himself to death.

His downfall - he succeeded. Died in the street on his way to work.

I've been told by quite a few hospital staff and palliative carers that men die totally alone by a far margin than women, I imagine a good lot are ones that abandoned their children.

I have visited single divorced elderly men and they often cannot look after themselves, are in dreadful health, have no friends or family and live very miserable lives to the end of their days.

It's pitiful but I often wonder what they have done in their lives to end up like that.

My father abandoned his oldest son and, years later, ended up destroying his younger one (whom he adored) in a horrific co-dependent relationship. Not a "yay karma" situation though, it was a tragedy.

I left exdh years ago after he became an alcoholic and abusive towards the end of our marriage. He sobered up after the split and we co parented well for 2 years until he met his girlfriend. They knew each other as children 20 + years earlier so had a "whirlwind romance" and he ended up moving her in to his place within the week of meeting her again. She hated the children. Was absolutely awful to them and they were assigned a support worker from the local council by school. She got exdh into hard drugs and drinking again. 10 months (of hell) with them staying with him. He emailed me giving me a few days notice he was giving up the kids and moving to a different area but I wasn't allowed to know where he was going. To say I was relieved would be an understatement. Kids have thrived, we bought outright our home so they have stability, they love their step dad and consider him their dad. Ex decided 6 months after leaving he wanted contact with the children one weekend every other month. He wasn't happy the kids didn't want to see him so we went to mediation and had his ass handed to him.
Fast forward to present day. He's split for his missus, has tried reaching out to the children (now 18, 16 and 14) but they are done.
I want to feel sorry for him but I just can't.