I co-parent DS16 with XH. XH has antisocial personality disorder, and shows my son films about football hooliganism. He regularly gets into fights, and was violently abusive before we split. They are football season ticket holders. XH got into a fight recently outside the grounds and expects DS’s support in his altercations.
DS16 wanted a fake badge a while ago sewn onto a sweatshirt that I didn’t understand was associated with hooliganism so I sewed it for him. A friend’s DH commented he just needs a scarf and trainers to complete the thug look and I was aghast to realise DS has both.
Soon it will be XH’s birthday and DS has bought him a fake badge and wants me to sew it onto a sweatshirt for his dad. I’ve refused. I’m concerned about how psychologically enmeshed they are. I’ve said if they can’t sew it they should ask XMIL.
DS and I usually have a great relationship and he’s a really good kid - polite, studious, popular. He thinks these things are in the past and I’m overreacting. I don’t want him to be a target for thugs, and I think it’s weird 50+XH wants to dress like DS, and encourages this. DS is furious and thinks I’ll ruin XH’s birthday.
What are your thoughts?
YANBU - there’s still football hooliganism and protect your son from wearing flags
YABU - Actually you’re massively exaggerating and it’s fine