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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

More a WWYD: re thieving neighbour

49 replies

theDudesmummy · 05/05/2023 14:08

WWYD? (sorry if a bit long). We are renovating an old farmhouse, and live in a rented house a few minutes away at the moment. Part of the work we have done on the farmhouse has been to cut down several large dying or dangerous trees in the garden. My DH (South African) loves barbequing, and he spent weeks cutting up the wood with a chain saw to provide us with BBQ wood which should have lasted us several years at least. He proudly stacked it all up in an outhouse which, as yet does not have a door (stupid in hindsight but real crime is rare where we are).

We live in a very rural area, but have a close neighbour, who we have been friendly to since buying the house (we even bought him an expensive new chicken coop because we did not like his chicken shed being as close as it was to our wall). The neighbour asked some time ago if we would give him our "scrap" wood as he has a wood-burning stove (we don't). We said no sorry, we want it for BBQ wood. We thought it would just be left at that.

The weather is now getting better and so DH went up to the farmhouse to fetch some wood for a BBQ. To his shock the pile of wood has severely diminished, about half of it has gone. Literally about three large trees worth. He looked over at the neighbour's woodshed (which also has no door) and although most of the wood was not there (presumably already burned), he recognised some pieces that he is sure are ours (some had distinctive moss on them). When he went and asked the neighbour about this the neighbour did not reply and just ran away into his house.

Here is the question, what do we do now? DH is spending most of today driving to a quite distant town to get the best security cameras we can, so this should not happen again, but do we also tell the police? This house is our retirement project and once it is finished we are likely to live in it for the rest of our lives. The neighbour's family have lived on this road (in various houses) for over 200 years. So we are going to be next door to each other forever, basically. We keep changing our mind about this, being hopping mad but wondering how we would live next to people who we have reported to the police. In a tiny village where the neighbour is from here for many generations back and we are very much not.

OP posts:
HousingAdviceNeeded · 05/05/2023 14:10

You're not going to get the wood back as it can't be strictly identified as yours. You will have to just go down the high security route, unfortunately. What a bastard that man is.

BarrelOfOtters · 05/05/2023 14:12

I suspect in a village like that the 'normal' response would be to send some large lads round to take the wood back in a very ostentatious manner and then get pissed with the guy in the pub and never mention it again. Based on my experience of living in a small rural community.

They'll all know he's a thief and will respect you being strong about it.

FrenchBoule · 05/05/2023 14:12

Lock it up and install cctv. If thieving bastard steals it you have a case.

TheFlis12345 · 05/05/2023 14:17

I would go round there, tell him you are taking your wood back, and if he steals from you again you will call the police.

CannotDoThisAnymore · 05/05/2023 14:20

Leave it now. Get the door on the shed and cameras up. Its not worth falling out over given youve got to live next door for the rest of your days.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 05/05/2023 14:20

Wow! That's bad luck. Do they resent you as incomers, do you think? IME, and I've moved twice to villages, it's taken about 8 years to get accepted. I second the advice above to go and steal it back when they're out. Then lock it up and deny all knowledge. But I find it hard to believe they've burnt all that - it's probably hidden elsewhere on their property.

Original poster
theDudesmummy · 05/05/2023 14:21

Everyone knows he is a thief, they have told us so. Another neighbour has told DH that he has seen this man's son with a wheelbarrow in our garden at night. There is absolutely no doubt who took the wood. (He has taken other things from our garden too, without asking, but it was mostly bits of building scrap so we just let it go). We won't get most of the wood back no matter what, whether by police or strong lads, he has clearly used it to heat his house for free all winter. There is not much left.

We are putting up sophisticated 4G security cameras this very afternoon, and putting in a gate (we thought a gate would not be necessary as few people here bother to even close their gate, usually only when sheep are being driven past).

I know the police will be unlikely to be able to do much, and certainty can't get our wood back, but it really bites for him to just get away with such brazen theft.

OP posts:
Original poster
theDudesmummy · 05/05/2023 14:21

I think he could easily have burned it all. His wood/peat fires run all day very day, even in summer.

OP posts:
Original poster
theDudesmummy · 05/05/2023 14:22

*every day

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neverknowinglyunreasonable · 05/05/2023 14:24

I would hide small fireworks or explosive materials inside some logs and leave them in your woodshed. If they go missing, they go missing.

Gymmum82 · 05/05/2023 14:24

in my experience police won’t do anything. A family member of mine had a similar situation of renovating a house and a neighbour stole very expensive flagstones and oak beams. They said it was a civil matter. They never got them back despite confronting the thief

theGooHasGone · 05/05/2023 14:25

Steal a few trees worth of wood back from him when he refills it, then you're even.

Original poster
theDudesmummy · 05/05/2023 14:28

DH has thought of going round and taking the remainder back. He could take the neighbour in a fight any day of the week! But the neighbour also has two adult sons and two adult daughters, and we are just DH, me (old, unfit and short), and our 14-year-old son (autistic and wouldn't fight with anyone)! (MOSTLY light-hearted comment but not completely!).

Some people do resent us as incomers, I am sure. But we have also spent a lot of money in this village (use local suppliers for everything we can in our rebuild) and have made some friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
theDudesmummy · 05/05/2023 14:32

It would be hard to steal anything back when they are out as they are farmers and a big family, so there is always someone home.

OP posts:
BMW6 · 05/05/2023 14:33

Would some of the villagers who you are friends with go along with your DH to take wood back?

Strength in numbers ........

Inextremis · 05/05/2023 14:34

Your situation sounds very similar to ours - minus the thieving neighbour - we're in very rural Ireland and have just moved back into our house after a major renovation. What worked for us, to be able to keep an eye on the place when we weren't living in it, was to get a Ring doorbell and a couple of connected cameras - we get phone alerts whenever there's movement near our front door or shed - and can speak to anyone who's there. A disembodied voice telling your neighbour to feck awf might do the trick! I think @BarrelOfOtters has it about right - not worth contacting the police when you're trying to build local relationships.

Droppit · 05/05/2023 14:35

I'd go round and say you've had some wood stolen and have they seen anyone suspicious about, or had anything stolen themselves. Act like you're trying to warn them about "these utter arseholes who think it's ok to take what they want".

minkymini · 05/05/2023 14:36

Gymmum82 · 05/05/2023 14:24

in my experience police won’t do anything. A family member of mine had a similar situation of renovating a house and a neighbour stole very expensive flagstones and oak beams. They said it was a civil matter. They never got them back despite confronting the thief

How the hell is that a civil matter ? It's theft ! Blatant theft

Skybluepinky · 05/05/2023 14:48

Think how stupid u were not to have a door and now install one, move on as u have now learnt yr lesson.

Gymmum82 · 05/05/2023 14:51

minkymini · 05/05/2023 14:36

How the hell is that a civil matter ? It's theft ! Blatant theft

Show quote history

Yep. But since there was ‘no proof’ they said it was a civil matter and weren’t interested.
Zero investigation, didn’t even go round to the thief’s address which was provided to them and where they would have clearly seen the stolen goods. Absolute waste of time

Original poster
theDudesmummy · 05/05/2023 14:59

@Inextremis we are in rural Ireland too! DH is off in another county right this minute getting some super fancy security cameras that connect to the phone network by 4G etc, so we should get alerts if anyone is on the property. And they have a two-way audio system so he is looking forward to the "feck off" situation should this happen again!

@Droppit DH did go ostensibly to ask the neighbour if he had "seen anything" as we had had some wood stolen, and the neighbour just ran away and hid in his house! I think he has got the message now. If not, he will have by this evening when the place is bristling with security cameras!

I guess we won't be calling the guards in reality. But I so wanted to!

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 05/05/2023 15:04

If they are farmers, do you know who they supply to? Let the supplier know they are buying from someone who thieves? Especially if a large chain.

ittakes2 · 05/05/2023 15:12

Honestly, I would go by stealth and ask 1-on-1 with any new village friends..."A very odd thing happened - most of our firewood has been taken - does this happen often in the village? We are thinking of putting CTV cameras in." and this new friend will likely try and solve your 'problem' and suggest who the firewood thief could be...and the most likely outcome is they suggest your new neighbour. So you are basically outing them without being the outer if you see what I mean.

Original poster
theDudesmummy · 05/05/2023 15:17

Oh, everyone knows who it is. We don't have to be the one to make accusations.

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AbbaG12 · 05/05/2023 15:22

I'd be surprised if he'd burnt it already, the wood would still be too wet for a fireplace. Are you sure he's not storing more elsewhere?