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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why this guy is deleting me from everything?

18 replies

janeseymour78 · 05/05/2023 12:56

I feel quite hurt by this.

I worked with a guy for 2 years and became friends. We spent a lot of time talking during covid as two single people living alone.

Now after the pandemic we saw each other in person again. I started inviting him along to events with friends and realised I was developing feelings and I got the impression he was too.

I then find out through a friend he has a girlfriend. He kept it awfully quiet but ok, we continue as friends. I left the job and on the last day he said 'I'll miss you a lot' which was sweet. Now a couple of months later when I asked how he was doing on Instagram he ignored me. I later realized he then unfollowed me although he friend requested me first.

Today I get a recommendation to connect with him on LinkedIn because yes, he's deleted me there too. We're still Facebook friends (again he added me).

It has upset me a bit and I do think we're likely to bump into each other because we're both in the same close knit industry. If and when we do, would you mention it? I can't get my head round it at all.

OP posts:
Whatabouteverything · 05/05/2023 12:58

It's obvious, he may have had feelings for you too but he has a girlfriend so has removed any temptation. Don't mention it, leave him alone.

Beezknees · 05/05/2023 13:00

It's not difficult to understand. He has a girlfriend, he's obviously feeling guilty as he was crossing over into having an emotional affair with you. So he's done the right thing if he wants his relationship to work.

You need to move on and forget this.

Original poster
janeseymour78 · 05/05/2023 13:00

To remove me from LinkedIn though @Whatabouteverything ? A professional networking site?

And why not delete me from Facebook then? Maybe it is because he has feelings. It's left me feeling bad, like I did something that upset him. But we left things on good terms so nothing springs to mind.

OP posts:
Original poster
janeseymour78 · 05/05/2023 13:02

The thing is @Beezknees I haven't seen him for over a year. That's when I left the job.

He liked one of my posts about 2 months ago on LinkedIn so he's obviously just deleted me recently. It's like I've been gradually deleted rather than in all in one sweep!

OP posts:
Jobhuntings · 05/05/2023 13:02

I agree with PP, he definitely had feelings for you, so now that he was a girlfriend he's distancing from you.

Nothing you've done and I can see why it's hurtful though!

Sissynova · 05/05/2023 13:02

If and when we do, would you mention it? I can't get my head round it at all.

No. Maybe it is clear to him that you have feelings for him and he doesn't want to engage in the friendships further when he is in a relationship.

You sound over-invested. Just move on.

shropshire11 · 05/05/2023 13:03

You should draw a line under this, and let him do the same. As PP have said, he has obviously decided to do the right thing and nip an EA in the bud.

He has probably unfollowed you on FB. Just be cordial when you see him.

randomchap · 05/05/2023 13:04

It could be that he's now got a girlfriend who is controlling and making him remove women from his friends list.

Hotfootgoose · 05/05/2023 13:05

His gf might have put her foot down and said no to contacting you as it is clearly on the brink of something more than friendship.

UnbeIievabIe · 05/05/2023 13:05

Hes prob had the girlfriend asking questions considering he's overstepped the mark going out with you when he had her at home. He's done the right thing.

Beezknees · 05/05/2023 13:06

Maybe his girlfriend saw your recent instagram messages or something.

Original poster
janeseymour78 · 05/05/2023 13:17

I don't have feelings for him anymore.

He's only just deleted me off LinkedIn. I could clearly see he'd kept the rest of former colleagues on his friends list including the women @randomchap

I've only ever deleted people across platforms like this when it's 1) an ex or 2) someone who has really offended me in some way. Obviously yes I just need to forget it and when I do see him....pretend he hasn't deleted me off everything. 😬

OP posts:
Coconut90 · 05/05/2023 14:05

I don't agree that it means he has romantic feelings for you. He might think you do though.

Best to leave it.

AllOrNothingSituation · 05/05/2023 14:09

Coconut90 · 05/05/2023 14:05

I don't agree that it means he has romantic feelings for you. He might think you do though.

Best to leave it.

Agree with this, don’t agree it means he has feelings it might be just to make it clear to you that he isn’t interested in the way you are not that he secretly has feelings 🤷🏻‍♀️

Pegsandsunshine · 05/05/2023 14:45

I think the fact you delete peoeple for certain reasons does not mean others do it for the same reasons too. Maybe he kept other people around as he still works with them but he has not been in touch with you and does not work with oyu so removed you from most social media, maybe he doe snot use FB much so kept you on it. Does it really matter, you no longer really talk, and even if you meet, it's not like you have to talk about if he follows you or not.

hotdiggetydog · 05/05/2023 15:17

He's one of the good ones. Being respectful to current partner.

Coconut90 · 05/05/2023 18:24

hotdiggetydog · 05/05/2023 15:17

He's one of the good ones. Being respectful to current partner.

I agree with this. He's also saving OP's time and feelings so she can meet someone available.

CheersForThatEh · 05/05/2023 18:43

If you want to acknowledge it then delete him from facebook. He will know you know about the others.

Do not message him or talk to him about it, it comes across weird and needy.

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