Who is being unreasonable

[DoRayMeMeMe]

I don’t want to say which person I am in this but hopefully I can explain clearly.

Divorced parents from 2 different countries (let’s say A and B) live in country C.
The child is on the pathway to very high level sports and will have to make their own decision as an adult about which country to play for (if it gets that far).

However they have received an underage call up for country A squad, and country B parent is refusing to support it- it will cost them to pay for travel there (once there the costs would be minimal).
There would be no impact on school and the club are supportive.

Country B parent’s objections are- they should be aiming for the country B team (this would be at a higher level), the cost when statistically they won’t be professional anyway, and why should they?

Both parents are well paid, and this can be afforded but with budgetting.

you are for your thread title

Sorry about that. I can’t change it now, and I can’t think of a succinct title: Divorced Parents Have Different Views?

Well they have an offer for Country A but nothing for Country B. Why can't they pursue A and if they get called by Country B make their own decision to move?

Or is it a case once they go with A they can't switch?

Country B parent is stopping their child from an amazing opportunity, which is very sad. They should be thinking of what their child wants.

Parent B is being unreasonable. The kid shouldn’t miss out on a great opportunity with country A just in case B come calling at some point.

In the long term, could they switch anyway? i don’t think playing with a junior team would rule you out playing for an adult team of another country. In which case the country A experience makes them more likely to be good enough to play for country B at some point if their level is higher.

They could switch at the underage/senior crossover.

How old is child and which country do they ultimately want to represent?

Parent B is BU IMO.

Surely some experience playing at a national level for a less competitive country would then stand them in better stead to then play at a national level for country B, and make a place with country B more likely?

if they want to compete at the highest level then they need all the experience and the best experience that they can get.

Would the child have to move to country A? Why would parent B have travel costs? Surely the child’s travel costs would be covered by parent A

On the face of it Country B parent is being unreasonable but the situation is kind of written to tilt it that way, and I know with high-level sports there can be a lot of factors to consider. The child might not be ineligible to switch later but playing for Country A might make them less favourable to the Country B governing bodies, etc. Different styles of training are another factor - not all countries have the same quality of training (or one style might be better for a particular child than another). If Country B is higher-level I can absolutely see why, in the long run, committing to training there will pay off more than a "national squad" (but ultimately lower level) with Country A.

I have a Spanish friend with an English husband, their kid is aiming for a career in tennis. It's a no-brainer for all involved that putting them through the Spanish system will be better than the English one!

And you don't say the child's age but if they're old enough to be on a national squad they should be old enough to have an opinion of their own on all this.

No, but travel every 2-3 weeks for squad training.
B is expected pay to pay half the travel costs (it’s a flight away) and thinks the whole thing is a folly.

I have a Spanish friend with an English husband, their kid is aiming for a career in tennis. It's a no-brainer for all involved that putting them through the Spanish system will be better than the English one!

And you don't say the child's age but if they're old enough to be on a national squad they should be old enough to have an opinion of their own on all this.

you are right that it is complex. Child is just 14 and doesn’t want to miss a national team opportunity, when there may never be one for country B. I suppose a Bird in the hand approach.

Would B think it's a folly if the child had to travel to country B? If yes, they are BU. Financially, does it impact much on fmaily, a flight every 3 weeks may amount to a lot.,
Otherwise, not guarantee country B will offer the same opportunity whenever?
Id go with what it is now if financially it is doable.

Is National level training at Country A better than the training they will get without national training in Country B?

A flight every 2-3 weeks is a big commitment and will reduce the time they have for general training.

B is expected pay to pay half the travel costs (it’s a flight away) and thinks the whole thing is a folly.

A flight every 2-3 weeks? Is it financially feasible?

You don’t comment particularly on what the child wants.

Although it is permissible to change national sporting allegiance, in some sports/sectors of society it’s not strongly supported and there’s some questions over identity that will raise their head further down the line.

Everyone needs to start somewhere and few people go straight to the top. Country A could offer valuable experience and help prepare the child for country B. If it's affordable, then the parent who thinks it is folly is unreasonable. I'd be more concerned about the ongoing cost and whether so much time overseas at 14 is appropriate.

I think what child wants is to play at the highest attainable level, and that the colour of the gear is of much lower importance to them. But they may not have given it that much thought.

I am not a sports coach, but think that doing this will benefit their overall performance.

Financially it is feasible, but other things will have to be cut back on.

Is it a sport that has a commercial market or purely nationalistic?

Im thinking tennis, football, rugby, motorsports etc where you compete for commercial sports teams/sponsors, but also represent a nation versus something like athletics or gymnastics where the sport is geared around national competitions?

It’s wonderful that your child has influences from several different countries and cultures, and should feel comfortable embracing all of them as part of their identity. But this decision could play a big part in pursuing a path of identity for their future.

It’s easy to say now that your child isn’t thinking about the colour of the kit he’s wearing, but the coaches and sporting body of country A who are investing a lot of time, energy and finances into developing his skills absolutely will care. He’s hopefully going to forge strong relationships with those people who he works closely with, is he going to be prepared to dump them for his personal development to join country B after that investment? It’s a big question of his character, and how he will be viewed as a developing human being.

Its fabulous that he’s so talented, but I think it is a burden of a question to ask of a young person, and it does need to be considered long term.

What does the child want?

I've worked around sports a bit and I'd always advise parents and athletes to think of the long term, not the short term (and I know how tempting short-term guaranteed offers can be).

If the child is only 14 then they will hopefully have many years to grow and improve in every aspect of the game. The peak of their ability will not be at 14 years old and if they're this good now, there will hopefully be better opportunities when they're actually an adult and this is their career.

So the decision you make shouldn't be based on the thought that "this might be my only opportunity" but "will this help me reach my full potential in 10 years time". A goal that seems out of reach now can also be hugely motivating for young athletes. Important to remember that this is only a junior national squad.

Of course a lot of this is dependent on the particular sport and how it's structured. In tennis most players would rather be 10th best in their country, but playing all the major tournaments, than number one in their country but nowhere in international terms.

Flights every 2-3 weeks? And then I'm sure there will be training camps, competitions etc etc. So its a no from me

Well that attempt at snark fell flat didn't it, as it's a perfectly reasonable title!

OP. What does your child want. Surely the offer that's on the table is all there is right now. A bird in the hand and all that. Sounds like a brilliant opportunity.

In Fairness other than the flights this is already the case, and the same for their sibling- but in a different sport.

I think it’s easier to answer if we know the sport and the countries.