Weekend to Myself - Update

[IsThisAllItIs]

I posted this thread last week - https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4794962-to-want-a-weekend-to-myself?reply=125782976

Basically saying I wanted a weekend to myself to think about my marriage and the issues we are having.

So an update, I told my Husband I was going away for a few days alone, and as expected he wasn't happy about it. He said I should stay home and we can sort out issues together. I said I'm happy to do that but need some space first as all we are doing at the moment is arguing, living in a an awkward atmosphere and then arguing again - round and round we go. So I want a couple of days to break the cycle, both have time apart doing whatever we enjoy (mine will be spent walking, reading, thinking about everything) and then come back together to discuss where we go from here.

My Husband basically said if I go there might not be much to come back for, he doesn't understand why I want a couple of days away, thinks I'm being incredibly selfish and that I shouldn't be surprised if he's not there when I return and that he might not want me.

I feel like this is basically emotional blackmail to try and get me to stay, and not give me the space I need. This is classic him behaviour.

AIBU to still go away after he has said that? Or does that give me more of a reason to go, and just face the consequences when I get home?

i do understand his feelings but not his threats.

YOU think it would be better to have space, he doesn’t. He’s allowed to think that “having space” isn’t going to help, he’s allowed to think staying and thrashing it out is better.

They are just different approaches. Neither wrong / right.

he might not like that you need space but he has to respect this is what you clearly believe you need right now. It’s very manipulative to suggest it might end the relationship.

id find that hard to come back from, if he is willing to end the relationship because he doesn’t like that you need something different, what does that say for his long term ability to compromise and be compassionate to what you both need, not just him

An update:

I went away, it did what I needed it to do.

When I returned home yesterday evening he had locked me out and refused to give me access to my own home, to the house that we own jointly.

I spent the night sleeping on a friend's couch.

Well that would give me clarity on the future of the relationship if nothing else did.

Legally he can’t refuse you access. I’d go back this morning with the police and try to gain access. Then I would start looking at finding a solicitor.

Locksmith.. He has no right to keep you out.

I went back this morning before coming to work, and have made it clear I will be returning to my home this evening - by whatever means.

But I don't see how we can possibly move on from this.

It's your house. I would break in. Not like he can call the police can he? He already looks like a controlling twat by locking you out. He isn't going to tell the police this.

On another note, the most dangerous time of an abusive relationship is when you leave. Please take someone with you, tell people where you are going, begin a diary.

Be careful OP. He sounds like he could get dangerous. As others say make sure other folk know where you are.

How are things now @IsThisAllItIs?