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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry this much about someone who's not even my child?

34 replies

Mastmw7g · 05/05/2023 05:14

I'm in the States, and my daughter's closest friend got into a great university with a scholarship. She came over and asked us to help her understand the financial aspect of it. Her family has no money, so I figured the scholarship would cover everything. But it doesn't. I've added the numbers multiple times and every time I subtract the expenses there's a deficit she has to find a way to cover. She's adamant that she doesn't want to take out a loan. Maybe if she works she could cover the rest. I don't know, but I'm worried she may lose out on her dream university.

OP posts:
2reefsin30knots · 05/05/2023 06:11

She takes out a loan, she works or she doesn't go. YABU to be worried. The girl just has a straight choice to make.

DisquietintheRanks · 05/05/2023 06:14

Pretty typical for students in the US to work their way through college. Has she got enough for up front costs?

DisquietintheRanks · 05/05/2023 06:15

And actually a lot of good American unis have quite a lot of bursary funds aspiring students can tap into. So she should definitely contact them and make enquiries.

determinedtomakethiswork · 05/05/2023 06:44

I thought virtually all American students took out a loan?

LynetteScavo · 05/05/2023 06:48

Can she take out a loan for the first year while she finds a job?

I would worry about my child's friend too and would encourage her to take a loan.

00100001 · 05/05/2023 06:48

Not your problem...if she's not bright enough to realise that $10-$12 = -$2... and magic money doesn't exist, then she'll drop out of uni very quickly.

MintJulia · 05/05/2023 06:52

Sounds quite normal for a lot of students. I worked throughout my degree because the numbers didn't add up.

Go through the budget with her. Make sure she understands she will need a job - waitressing etc.

Then leave her to it. Part of the whole university experience is learning to manage on a very tight financial budget.

savoycabbage · 05/05/2023 07:01

We would all like to not take out loans or work through university but usually that's not realistic.

I think if you have done the maths and talked to her about her options then that's as much as you can do. You can't make her understand.

She can go if she works and gets a loan, same as most people.

Quoronation · 05/05/2023 07:03

Is it possible shes trying to get you to fund her?

underneaththeash · 05/05/2023 07:06

It's normal to either get a loan and/or work your way through college in the US and the UK. Surely you know that being American?

Wishawisha · 05/05/2023 07:08

Well she needs to work or take a loan. That’s how it works.

Oblomov23 · 05/05/2023 07:19

Eh? What's the issue? She takes a job, or takes out a loan. Very simple choice. So what's the worry?

lljkk · 05/05/2023 07:55

What Uni is it?
I hear such confusing things. I thought Ivy League gobbled up a huge amount of the Federal Loan programme, but MNers insist that Ivy League = full ride = zero loans even for American nationals.
Confusing.

Wallywobbles · 05/05/2023 08:47

There are a massive amount of grants/scholarships etc available at local/state level so she needs to look into that.

00100001 · 05/05/2023 11:56

MintJulia · 05/05/2023 06:52

Sounds quite normal for a lot of students. I worked throughout my degree because the numbers didn't add up.

Go through the budget with her. Make sure she understands she will need a job - waitressing etc.

Then leave her to it. Part of the whole university experience is learning to manage on a very tight financial budget.

I don't understand why the parents aren't doing this...

Barnbrack · 05/05/2023 11:59

00100001 · 05/05/2023 11:56

I don't understand why the parents aren't doing this...

Show quote history

Possibly the first in a family to attend uni and no budgeting skills etc themselves and a fear of credit hence her fear of a loan, I was and had to work it all out myself.

Op tell her she can get a loan without involving her parents too much, she can find a job, he family may for many reasons be putting up barriers for her. Thank you for helping her from someone who would have appreciated that help.

As it was I worked in call centres and retail my whole uni career and it was brilliant financially and for employability skills.

Sceptre86 · 05/05/2023 12:02

You sound like a very caring person, wanting her to succeed. The only advice I would give is that she needs to reach out to the university and find out about bursary applications and probably will need to consider a loan at least for the first year. Once she has a job that can hopefully cover some costs. Ultimately you can only advise and she will make her own choices even if they aren't great.

As for the posters saying yabu, some people are capable of showing care or concern for others. Some of us want all kids to succeed not just our own.

MrsCarson · 05/05/2023 12:34

She needs to fill out the FAFSA and see what that says. If they are very low income then there won't be a family contribution but she will be eligible for Government loans, she doesn't have to accept them, but needs to at least look at it.

whiteorchids44 · 05/05/2023 12:48

I'm American and based in the UK. I went to uni in the States. If she comes from a low income family, she will be eligible for scholarships and financial help. She needs to fill out her FAFSA, and check out the financial resources that she is eligible for at each university she applies to. She can also consult her college guidance counsellor who can help her understand financial aid more. She can also work while going to university, which is what I did. I worked during the day 4 days a week, took late afternoon and evening classes and then interned 2 days during the week. It's a lot of work but it does teach you grit, perseverance and it really prepares you for the working world.

Original poster
Mastmw7g · 05/05/2023 16:28

@DisquietintheRanks She has enough for the tuition and fees. Not enough for room and board, but there's a good chance she won't get on campus housing because it's not guaranteed. She's trying to find off campus housing that's inexpensive enough, but I had to remind her she'd need enough to pay for utilities and food then.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mastmw7g · 05/05/2023 16:31

@LynetteScavo Thank you. I didn't think of saying it could just be for the first year. Maybe that will appease her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mastmw7g · 05/05/2023 16:32

@determinedtomakethiswork I think it's very typical to take out loans! I don't know why she's so opposed to it.

OP posts:
VimFuego101 · 05/05/2023 16:34

As others have said, she needs to fill out FAFSA. If she thinks something is wrong with how they calculated her fees, she can speak to the financial aid office and appeal. If her parents are low income then she should get a Pell Grant and be eligible for work study, but unfortunately in the US there are some colleges that are simply out of some students price range. There's a group called 'Paying for College 101' which is very helpful in understanding college finances.

Original poster
Mastmw7g · 05/05/2023 16:37

@lljkk It's Berkeley, so not an Ivy League school.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mastmw7g · 05/05/2023 16:41

@VimFuego101 She filled out the FAFSA and is getting a Pell Grant and an FSEOG grant. There's still a deficit of more than $4,000, which could easily be covered with a federal loan. I told her to contact financial aid because there's no Cal Grant listed, and she's a California resident so she should be eligible for the Cal Grant A if she got the Pell Grant.

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