To hide under some coats, and hope that somehow everything will work out.

[tokenname]

SO much has gone on in the past few weeks that I don't know how which way to turn.

I'm in a relationship of under a year, it's going well and I'm happy. He bought a place 200 miles away recently to escape London rents, invest his savings in property, be closer to his parents/grandparents/home friends etc. but spends a bit more time at mine than his. I'm fine with this, it's a new relationship, we enjoy a nice mix of the social scene and quiet time together, I'm happy seeing where it goes. Nearly all my friends and hobbies are based in London and my job (for now) is hybrid and also based in London. I also have a dog here which my ex and I agreed to share when we split so that arrangement works well.

However. I found out today my landlord wants to put my rent up by 10% which wipes out any saving capacity I have and which I was looking forward to building a bit more seriously this year. Ex-DP is due to buy me out of a property soon, but the money I'll get is not enough to buy anywhere near here. It will just about be enough for a deposit to buy somewhere well out of London.

And just to add to the mix, I'm doing a degree alongside my full-time job, my Dad's in hospital and not doing well, and I've had a pregnancy scare this week (I'm still late but it's negative, and not terrifying, actually I was thinking it would be nice if it was positive...and I'm at an age where I really do have to crack on if I want them, and I can only see myself with them if I have DP nearby).

I don't know what to do/what to focus on/what to want. I love where and how I live right now, even if it's all a bit stressful on my own at times; I've bitten off just enough for me to chew but the rent increase and pregnancy thing have pushed me over the edge lately. A couple of months ago I was having heart-to-hearts with friends about me wanting to move to be nearer DP and pay less rent, but I was torn over what to do with leaving my friends and DDog, and with so much going on in my life I decided to stay put until at least I've finished my degree (which has at least another 8 months to run). Now I'm not so sure.

Help please from those who can see things a bit more clearly than me at the minute!

Can anyone advise?

It's not clear what you're asking, are you asking if you should move in with him? Has he asked you?

Does your dp contribute to your household as he's there so much?
Maybe he might cover one of your bills, which might leave you able to cover the rent increase and continue as you are, saving your studies and DDog (although why you would call it D when you're considering abandoning it...), allowing you to assess your dad's health in the longer term.

It doesn't sound like the right time to be making decisions. I'd focus on job, degree and your dad (assuming pregnancy not actually a thing!) and then reassess in 8 months or so. You don't need to make all the decisions about forever right now!

You don't need to make any decisions right now. Things are unclear.

Take 12 months stay put see how the relationship goes.

Write out your goals. Where would you love to be in 12 months but wait.

The relationship is too early to move in, it's too much stress to move when your Dad is ill etc

You can afford the rent for 12 months. Hopefully the money from your ex will come through and you will be clearer on how to move forward.

Now is not the time for a pregnancy unless it's already happened.

Hope that helps.

It sounds like you can afford the rent increase (although with less saving) so I would stay put until your degree is finished but ask for a 5% increase instead. Anywhere you move will probably be more expensive anyway.

This is not a good time to be pregnant or continue with an unplanned pregnancy. You and your DP need to first discuss whether you both want a child - the fact that he is moving to the other end of the country one year into your relationship puts a big question mark on that. Be more careful with contraception.

Really sorry about your father's illness and the timing if all these things. I think the answer is to stay where you are and resolve the other stuff over the next year before moving.

Finish your degree then reassess. I agree with a pp trying to negotiate the rent increase is also a good idea.

OP, to be blunt, a lot depends on your age. If you're 34, you've more time to play with. If you're 39 and thinking of kids, then you need to act quickly and start making decisions.

Can you break the situation down into "now or never" vs "now or later"?

I think pps have given good advice, they have done it for you to an extent. Then you can focus on the "last chance" (eg your studies) and make sure you protect the outcomes you need.

Also make sure you are getting plenty of exercise and sleep, it will help bring down the stress levels which are robbing your ability to think straight, and driving you to hide under coats (I love that description by the way, so relatable!)

Thank you all! Your replies have been really helpful.

Things I can do now: negotiate rent increase, ask DP to contribute more (he currently pays for more of the food when he stays with me, but essentially gets all the benefits of London rent-free otherwise, and his mortgage is lower than my rent), be more careful with contraception!

Things which can wait: decision on where to move, change of job etc.

I'm 37 in a few months, and always been on the fence about children. It's just never seemed like the right time/partner/financial situation.