What is wrong with me?!

[lifeisyellow]

As the title says, really.
I'm a professional woman with a good job, early 30s, been told I am good looking (not that it matters) have a good set of friends.
Couple of long term (failed, although I dont really like to call them failed) relationships behind me and currently single.
Why on earth do I let men treat me like rubbish, and breadcrumb me? My male and female friends are always frustrated with me, because they say I'm a catch but I put up with sh*te from men. Why do I do it? Probably a rheotorical question really and I probably need to try therapy as it'll probably be something to do with childhood (isn't that usually the answer?)
When my ex cheated on me after 5 years I was the one begging him back. My very first boyfriend when I was a teenager cheated on me the same day I lost my virginity to him and I wanted him back. I've seen a man before where he breadcrumbed me and I fell for it for nearly a year. I believed him when he said one day we'll be together, but let's wait until X, which then became Y, which then became Z.
In my profession I have quite a 'serious' job and am able to advise people on 'serious' things. I don't think I'm a fool generally, I like to think I'm quite savvy. But why oh why do I let men treat me like crap and want them back?
Please someone else tell me I'm not the only one! Where do I find my pride and self respect?!

There's an inner gut feeling of endless hope that's letting you down, and without therapy, it might always be there. Or, you could treat it like you do your job. Take emotions out of it, write down a list of behaviours that you don't want be uncompromising about and refer back in future if you have any doubts and stick to it. Dump quickly, then move on. Everyone comes across these men, but they don't get stuck, they move on.

Aww OP- this isn’t really about you. It’s just that a lot of men are totally shit and pathetic.

They don’t treat you like this because of anything you do. They are the problem.

however, the best thing you can do is only let it happen once. Don’t give them a second chance. Get rid and move on. Don’t give these men the opportunity to hurt your feelings.

ZOMBIE

And on your desire to want them back…

possibly a mixture of sunk costs fallacy and wanting things to go back to how it felt when you first met. It’s horrible when you realise your early hopes are just a fantasy.

it also sounds like you are seeking validation from these men. On some level, you gain your self worth from what these men think about you.

sounds like you need to love yourself more and realise you are an amazing human. No one needs to tell you that. Oh and listen to your friends- they think you’re gorgeous, and a catch. They think that because they see the good stuff about you.

you need to take their lead and become your own best friend.

"I probably need to try therapy"

Grab the bull by the horns and make an appointment. You've nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Still a zombie though.

This may be a zombie thread but I very much needed to see this this morning, so thank you for posting on it again!

I feel very deflated that I am still very much in the same position but that's my fault because I have it. This has been the kick up the bum I've needed.

Thank you!

Things changed for me when I realised I needed to decide how I felt about them rather than wondering how they felt about me. Step back from these friendships/men and look at how they are behaving, do you like it? Do you like them? Doesn't matter what they think, it's what YOU think that matters.

This is great advice. It’s good for job interviews too! 😄