Going away for 10 days without a 3 year old

[askmar]

My DS is 3 and a half, and I have a situation where I want to see my family abroad, my sister is disabled and mum looks after her 24/7 so I wanted to 1) see them but also 2) give my mum some break and help with my sister's care (sister needs round the clock care with diapers, feeding, bathing, getting dressed etc. as has celebral palsy and cannot do anything on her own) I have not seen them for a year, and previous years I went with both my DS and DH. This year however DH says he does not want to go there as he goes there every year. I was thinking about taking DS but last year he did not want to spend any time around my sister (or my mum), and I am afraid that if I take him I will stay with him in a room/out but will not have any time for my sister (or other family members), and it will be very stresfull running around DH and sister. My husband agreed to look after DS for 10 days, he usually looks after him a lot as DH does not work, but since I work from home I also spend a lot of time with DS plus I still sleep with DS, and I have never left him overnight, so I know it will be a big change for him. Another option is not to go of course, but... any opinions? Have you left kids to go away? How was it for you and them?

How far away do you mean by ‘abroad’? Could you not just do less than 10 days?

I would definitely go, however see if you could do some trial runs to potentially prepare the two of them for you not being there overnight? Understand this may not be possible, but could help.

the child will be fine, and won't remember, the days will fly by.
only on mn do women think leaving a healthy toddler for a few days will cause some sort of trauma or that any travel is akin to taking up a seat on the lunar mission.
i dare to say it might even be developmentally and emotionally healthy for both of you.

However close your DS and DH are, I wouldn't go away for 10 days if your DS still sleeps with you, unless you have weaned him away from this, otherwise it's going to be really hard on him, AND your DH, who will have to cope with the fallout. If you really want to do this OP, then you need to gradually get your DS used to sleeping on his own before you go, and get him used to your DH putting him to bed without you too.

Honestly, the best time to wean your son from sleeping with you is without you there. Your husband may have a rough couple of nights, but they would both be just fine.

Totally agree with this. Sounds like it would be a very welcome bit of respite for your mum, you get to spend some time with your mum and your sister and dh is used to caring for ds. It’s okay to prioritise other relationships in your life from time to time, you don’t need to be glued to your nuclear family for fear of being booted out permanently. If you took ds you wouldn’t really be in much of a position to help out with your sister as you’d have to be focused on him and his needs first.

Could you not go away for say 5-7 days rather than 10?

Of course you can go, your husband doesn't work so he'll be able to look after DS easily.

Is it too much to expect that your DH could handle one annual visit to your family? Wouldn't they like to see your DS?

You should go for the 10 days, your ds will be fine with your dh, and thats great he is used to looking after him. You don't have to worry about him.

Many thanks to all, it has been very useful, I think I will go but try to get DS ready to sleep on his own (it's probably high time as he is 3 and a half now). Indeed I could do fewer days, but I need to deduct 2 days for travelling (the flight is only 2 hours, but door to door takes nearly a whole day), so 8 days for a once a year trip to see my sis and mum seems to be reasonable...

DH refused to go this year as he went previously 3 years in a row, I do not blame him as it is not a beach holiday in a four star hotel, although indeed I agree that he could handle one trip a year (But I can't force him:)). DH does not work, so time-wise he should be okay to look after DS. Also DH was recently in hospital for 11 nights and DS was mostly fine, although he missed his daddy and indeed they do not sleep together... Although as somebody suggested, best time to wean DS off sleeping with me is when I am not there:)