To let my child go (Travel Training)

[browneyedmonster]

Hello,

NC as I don't PP's searching my user history!!

I wanted to ask all of your advice as to whether I should let me child go and if I'm being OTT.

My son is 13 and has Autism and Language difficulties. He attends Secondary which is not in our local area and roughly has to travel about 30 minutes on the train or 45 minutes on bus.

My son is travel savy. In the sense that as growing up, I had very little money and we would mostly walk to places. I also don't own a car (planning to soon) so we have been up and down the country, taking multiple trains, undergrounds, overground a, even in remote places where we have never been before. So he knows his directions to places very well. If he did not have SEN I would feel comfortable for him to walk 1.5 hours away from our home to X destination as he knows routes very very well.

Anyway to get to the chase, we have been travelling training for a long while now but have started off slowly. In the mornings, as I get up very early and get dressed I will go to the train station and tell him to meet me there when his ready, he will then meet me in front of our local train station, which is about a 10 minute walk from our house, we will get on the underground, and then I will sit in the next carriage to observe how he behaves in the train (he is fine! But you never know) and then he will get off at the stop and walk to school, I will stay on the train or switch trains and go home. I will also call him and/or School to make sure that his gotten to schools safely. Coming back from school, he will meet me by the station, go on the underground and I will drop him off at our local station and he will go home on his own whilst I go and do a bit of shopping.

We have been doing this for many years now and I just feel like saying to DS ok just go all the way home and back by yourself. But I'm scared. He has language needs as does always tell me what has happened in his day. I have to ask him questions. I am worried that if he gets in trouble or something happens, he will find it difficult to articulate this with me. We are working on this with our SLT but it's a slow process. Also, I'm worried if someone snatches him away or lures him. DS is good in that sense that it a person goes up to him, he will just ignore and continue walking as he says (" I don't know the person so I don't see why I should speak to them"). Im worried that if there are other issues on the way, DS may not know what to do. We have been working on problem solving for a while but you just never know.

It's gotten to the point that I am so tired and my own work is suffering as I'm not able to do morning shifts/ late afternoon shifts as I'm travelling training DS. I have hired a travel tracking specialist to support me with DS and support his problem solving skills.

But I don't know what to do. Is it time that I just let DS fully go or is he not ready yet? What can I do to make sure safety measures are in place before I fully let him go to school on his own (aka tracking).

Thank you.

There are phone trackers you could put in, plus other trackers you could put in his school bag or sew into his blazer.

Could you give him an 'emergency card' he could hand to someone saying useful info. 'Hi my name is Adam and I have autism. I need assistance. I am trying to get to school / home <address & phone> .

Are there no older pupils who could help?

@TeenDivided

That's a good idea! Unfortunately, no older pupils to help as there no children in the local area who attends his school. But do you think I'm being OTT? Do you think I should let him fully go?

I don't know, but you have to do it some time, and will he really be any better in a year?
What does he think about it?

Could you start with him going to school, with his Support / Tutor / whoever knowing he is now travelling independently and to contact you ASAP if he doesn't arrive? Also can he text you at each stage of the journey to start with? At station. On train. Off train. At school?

Dd carried a card in her blazer pocket with her name, school telephone number, my telephone number and that she was autistic and had seizures. She never needed to use it but travelled solo to school from age 10 (25 mins on bus)

@gogohmm

Thank you. But when did you feel
Comfortable enough that your DD was ready to go to school by herself. Am I doing the wrong thing? Did you worry about mishaps happening on the way?

@TeenDivided Thanks. That's true. I guess you have to bite the bullet and see. He wants to go to school by himself and doesn't know why I keep following him. He assures me that his firm..

Mine has apple watch cellular so even if seperated from phone he can call me on his watch.
Agree some pre agreed signals or text emoji to mean set messages

If he’s travel savy and year 8/9 I would let him go. If you can trust him to call you if he has difficulties and know he knows where to find a trusted adult to turn to he’ll be fine. Make sure with his travel card he has your phone number and the schools.

In my experience most parents of the SEN pupils I work with are very slow, and for genuine reasons, to entrust their children with independent travel. The fact that you’re giving it serious consideration suggests your DS is likely to be ready and will thrive on the independence it brings.

Try to think of the triumph of him successfully negotiating that journey instead of the unlikely event of serious trouble. Him wanting to do it is an essential prerequisite.
Been there, starting with walking 5 minutes on his own to the library at about 8. Autistic DS now 32, commutes into London from his own accommodation.

He sounds ready. You say you have been doing this many years and nothing bad has happened. Some of your concern is understandable, but (kindly) I think some is OTT. Take some of the precautions above. I assume he has a phone so could contact you if need be

Thank you everyone. Are there any tracking devices that can track children if taking the underground?

Start with just the journey to school. You can check he has his phone and travel card before he leaves. He will be more alert and focused on getting there and less likely to be drawn into or suffer from the behaviour of others. You can also judge if any particular morning you need to take a step back and accompany him if circumstances change.

If he’s had a not so good day he will probably, even if he doesn’t say so, be relieved to have his normal going home routine with you, especially whilst the travelling to school is new.

Let school know about the change in arrangements.

I think at some point you are going to have to take that leap OP.
A tracking app on his phone sounds like a sensible idea, as long as he knows about it.

Not actually underground, unless they connect to Wi-Fi in a station. But if you know he’s gone into a station isn’t that reassuring anyway?

It sounds to me as if your training him has worked and he has shown you he is capable of doing the trip.

with the addition of trackers and cards as suggested like PP I think it’s time to start going one step less every few weeks with him until he is doing it solo.

well done on getting him doing so well!

We have an air tag in his coat and life 360 on his phone so we can track our son. He is happy with this.