Unwanted comments on my appearance?

[Anxious12345x]

I’ve noticed an increase of random almost negative comments about my appearance lately. I have autism so unsure if I am being over sensitive/misreading it.

Some friends will come up to me and randomly mention oh your outfit doesn’t match today why did you wear that/ oh what’s up with your hair you need to fix it etc. Not necessarily overly rude but just random things to say to me?

I’ve actually tried to put more effort into my appearance and lost about 20 lbs recently/ bought some new clothes etc. and never had small comments about my appearance to my face before.

Has anyone experienced this and what is the best response to these comments? Perhaps I am being oversensitive?

I'm autistic and my mum has always made such comments, in the mistaken belief that it's helpful. Could your friends be attempting to do the same?

They are probably jealous that you've had a health kick and lost weight. Ignore them and weather whatever the hell you like

That's rude . They are infantalising you . Just say if I want your advice I'll ask for it .

Do not underestimate the amount of jealousy you will receive after significant weight loss.

Let them know how their comments are making u feel.

Absolutely no need to comment on someone's outfit. The issue is theirs, not yours.

Just wrinkle your nose and say: "That's a bit rude."

They're not being very nice to you. You need better friends. Someone who loves you wouldn't criticise what you look like. Be you, wear what you want that you're comfortable in. You don't have to listen to them.

This is a very likely reason for the comments.

But only if you are interested, let’s do a thought experiment.

Are you happy with where you are in terms of your personal and professional relationships? If so, STOP. The experiment is over. Do your best to ignore the comments or await advice from others. I would put it down to jealousy and try to forget about it.

If you aren’t where you want to be personally or professionally, you might consider that our appearance does matter to others whether we like it or not. Maybe you, like me, will tend to be drawn to people who judge more on deeper qualities, but it is always there. So continue the experiment.

Maybe the people commenting are jealous, maybe they see the weight loss as a sign that you are taking your appearance more seriously and they are trying to help you. (Badly, from the sound of it.) Can you ignore motives and ask yourself (a) whether their comments contain a kernel of truth - would you look better with brushed hair, for example? and (b) whether taking up these suggestions would further your life plans and goals? There is no right or wrong answer. The point is for you to retain control and make the best choices for yourself. Ignore the motives of others.

Congratulations on the weight loss, and best wishes.

It's rude of them. I'd probably go for a sarcastic "Wow. Thanks mate."

Do they know you are autistic?

Some people think autistic people are stupid and need to be told when they're doing something that is not "normal" so you can go change and be "normal".

Yeah people are dicks. I've met people obsessed with my 5 foot 3 height and mention it all the time. So odd.

This.

You are not being oversensitive. I never comment on anyone's outfit or hair unless it is to compliment them. If I don't like what they are wearing, I shut up.

I don't think this has anything to do with autism. Your friends are rude.

It's really.rude unkind and entitled to make negative comments about people's appearance. This is not what good friends do. If they do it again I would say 'I've heard it's rude to comment on people's appearance' and look to find nicer friends.

Absolutely agree with the pp comment about jealousy when you lose weight.
I lost several stone when my DH was ill, then died… I was shocked at how many ‘friends’ made catty remarks regarding my (unintentional) weight loss.

Wear whatever you like OP, and we’ll done on your (intended) weight loss!