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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would this annoy you MIL

22 replies

blockbuilder · 04/05/2023 16:21

I was in a and e with DD for a few hours, we all know the drill. I've been quite often. I usually just go by myself with DD/DS and don't always inform everyone straight away. Long story short, I told my husband I was going. He had to return early form work and Mil found out I was there. She offered to come and I told her she didn't need to. She came anyway.

She was so annoying once there. She kept commenting on what I was doing and reminding me of all the germs I was picking up by sitting down on whatever I needed to sit on ( chair or at one point a bed ) and also placing my drink on the side. I was washing my hands as much as was reasonable. But didn't need constant reminders about the germs and how I should not sit there or touch that.

She's done stuff like this before, implying she thinks I'm unhygienic by putting my baby on a bed, rather than on a clean towel on the bed ( baby was fully dressed )....

I really hate being made to feel unhygienic. It's such an insult to me. I don't think I am unhygienic. I'm just not as worried about germs as she is.

She also just won't take the doctors opinion on board and keeps the pushing her own diagnosis on them. Whilst I am a believer in asking questions and never taking the doctors word as gospel, my MIL is never satisfied unless they do what she thinks they should do. It's quite irritating.

Would it annoy you too ?

First world problem I know..

OP posts:
CreationNat1on · 04/05/2023 16:23

Yes, she is overbearing.

Divorcedalongtime · 04/05/2023 16:25

She shouldn’t have come , this would annoy me

VariationsonaTheme · 04/05/2023 16:26

She shouldn’t have been there, I’d have sent her away.

towriteyoumustlive · 04/05/2023 16:27

I would secretly wipe the chair when she wasn't looking then lick it just to annoy her!

Being serious I would tell your DH that MIL made the whole thing far more stressful than it needed to be so can he please make sure that next time she doesnt turn up!

SeasonFinale · 04/05/2023 16:29

If she wouldn't leave I would have asked the nurse to ask her to leave on the pretext of parent only in attendance

Irritateandunreasonable · 04/05/2023 16:30

I would have told her to go home.

blockbuilder · 04/05/2023 16:31

Argh that reminds me of something else she did..

DD was quite poorly and just wanted to sleep curled up on me. She kept wanting to take her and telling me that I neeed to rest ( I think she meant it in a nice way ) then she would pluck her from my arms and try to settle her herself, but DD wanted to be on me. You know, the normal thing babies want when they're not well.. to be close to their mums.

She kept trying to settle and I would have to take DD off her again. Then once DD was asleep, she'd keep asking me to put her in her pram again to sleep.

She probably meant this all in a nice way, but it's so annoying. I know how to handle my kid in a and e.. I've done it so many times. Then I would try to put DD back in her pram and she'd scream of course.

Eventually DD fell into a deeper sleep and I moved her myself into her pram. She stayed asleep that time, as I moved her in the right moment.

Anyway. All those things combined are just so annoying. She always has to come and take over. It's her personality to dominate. Very irritating !

OP posts:
Lovingitallnow · 04/05/2023 16:31

I'd have asked her to be a huge massive help and take the non patient child/children home

Skybluepinky · 04/05/2023 16:35

I wouldn’t have had her at a&e with me they r over run as it is.

Can hubby not tell her no?

Dontbelieveaword · 04/05/2023 16:35

Did DH leave work early to look after other DC or to attend hospital with you?
If the former, next time it happens, ask DH to attend hospital with you whilst MIL cares for other DC.
Or if the latter, make it clear to MIL that two parents at hospital is more than enough and she's not needed.
If you don't want her anywhere at any time, don't tell her where you are and if she 'finds out', tell her she is not needed and you'll keep her updated on what's going on. Tell her how annoyed you find her patronising, overbearing behaviour if nothing else sinks in. There's no need to put up with this shit

blockbuilder · 04/05/2023 16:39

Dontbelieveaword · 04/05/2023 16:35

Did DH leave work early to look after other DC or to attend hospital with you?
If the former, next time it happens, ask DH to attend hospital with you whilst MIL cares for other DC.
Or if the latter, make it clear to MIL that two parents at hospital is more than enough and she's not needed.
If you don't want her anywhere at any time, don't tell her where you are and if she 'finds out', tell her she is not needed and you'll keep her updated on what's going on. Tell her how annoyed you find her patronising, overbearing behaviour if nothing else sinks in. There's no need to put up with this shit

Yeah he basically came a bit earlier to look after our other child. Honestly I didn't even want him there. He annoys me in a and e. I find it easier to manage alone, unless it was very very serious.

OP posts:
Dontbelieveaword · 04/05/2023 16:54

So you had othe4 DC, DH and MIL at A&E with you?

starfishmummy · 04/05/2023 16:56

towriteyoumustlive · 04/05/2023 16:27

I would secretly wipe the chair when she wasn't looking then lick it just to annoy her!

Being serious I would tell your DH that MIL made the whole thing far more stressful than it needed to be so can he please make sure that next time she doesnt turn up!

My DS has medical problems and as a younger child was in and out of hospital frequently. MiL would come to visit him and would sit there "whimpering" at the slightest thing. Even the nurses coming to do obs would set her off. And that upset DS too. I had to.ask DH to talk to her about toning it down!

blockbuilder · 04/05/2023 17:12

Dontbelieveaword · 04/05/2023 16:54

So you had othe4 DC, DH and MIL at A&E with you?

No ! Just my ill DC and then my MIL came. No DH and no other DC.

OP posts:
Dontbelieveaword · 04/05/2023 17:20

@blockbuilder OK ! It was just a question !

Yeah he basically came a bit earlier to look after our other child. Honestly I didn't even want him there. He annoys me in a and e. I find it easier to manage alone, unless it was very very serious.

This made me think he'd come to hospital too.
So basically, if you can tell your DH you don't want company or support at hospital with your ill child unless they re very, very ill, it can't be that hard to say same to MIL, no? Or you do as pp says, ask nurses not to let her through if she turns up anyway.

Girlboss1989 · 04/05/2023 17:29

She sounds completely mental, just gotta lay down some hard boundaries otherwise she'll continue to overreach into your life

carkerpartridge · 04/05/2023 17:42

How did she find out you were there? I would give her information on a need to know basis so that she doesn't turn up to things like this. Your DH needs to be on board if he's the one giving her the info.

jannier · 04/05/2023 17:57

I was with you until you said you didn't want DH there either because he annoys you in A&E .....it's his child too and he's worried....to be at A&E is a big thing no matter how many times you get unless it's something you shouldn't be using A&E for.
So are you over reacting? Are they both really bad or are you not picking up on how anxious and worried they are? But no I would not have MIL she would be with the kids and dad would be with me.

blockbuilder · 04/05/2023 18:04

jannier · 04/05/2023 17:57

I was with you until you said you didn't want DH there either because he annoys you in A&E .....it's his child too and he's worried....to be at A&E is a big thing no matter how many times you get unless it's something you shouldn't be using A&E for.
So are you over reacting? Are they both really bad or are you not picking up on how anxious and worried they are? But no I would not have MIL she would be with the kids and dad would be with me.

The fact I don't want him with me is entirely different.

He gets so grumpy and just makes it all so much harder. He can't accept the waiting around and is constantly short / grumpy / moody. I don't need that energy when I'm already worried about my sick child.

He is happy to be updated on the phone.

OP posts:
blockbuilder · 04/05/2023 18:05

@jannier also he's always welcome to come. No one stops him from coming. But I would rather just deal with it alone.

OP posts:
Emz6103 · 12/06/2023 18:14

Oh mate what an absolute nightmare!! Sorry but you're going to have trouble with this woman!! You're husband needs to step up and tell her to back off and not be so disrespectful to his wife. My MIL was similar if i said no as soon as my back was turned she said yes, in undermined my authority as a mother and taught my children that my wishes were not to adhered to. She will continue to undermine you and your way of doing things and it will cause a rift between you and your husband I'd he doesn't step up and tell her to back off and respect his wife. My MIL meddled in all of her children's marriages and it ended up with all three of her children getting divorced!! I have often said if she'd respected our wishes and not continually butted in we'd have all still been married. It caused a rift between me and my husband because he would never stand up to her (or any of her other children) eventually after 15-20 years the rot had set in. Ask your husband to talk to her and if he doesn't then you need to realise that her feelings will supercede yours. Best of luck n let us know how you get on

Emz6103 · 12/06/2023 18:21

My husband also got grumpy when we were in ane, in shops if the queue was too long, in the supermarket too long and it's just easier to wait somewhere without having to deal with the added stress! I'm 50 and in the end I did all the ane visits, Xmas shopping, food shopping and doctors appointments on my own. Not wanting your husband's there is perfectly normal and a lot less stressful

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